Thanks all for reading
My dog has grown tired of dictating, so I will just write in the first person.
@Ambermoon: I agree- the taper was difficult. Almost worse than acute withdrawals. Almost. I knew that CT was a recipe for disaster (for myself at least.) In retrospect I'm pretty sure I would have relapsed had I gone that route. So, even though it was unpleasant, and honestly, a lot of pain- it is what worked for me. It gave me time to come to grips with the fact that I would soon be stopping my pain meds. As you know so well, with an 18 month PAWS
stint, an enormous part of recovery is mental.
I hope and pray that a taper works for you as well. If I can do it, anyone can. I promise. I don't know your pain level, but I can tell you that I am virtually pain free, as compared to life before my surgeries/dependence/addiction
You were right about good medical support. It was crucial. My pain management Doc
was a biiiiit script -happy, so I fired him. The incredulous look on his face will amuse me till my dying day
After he got canned, my surgeon stepped in to help me taper. He kind of agreed that the PM doc was a quack.
Between my surgeon, my endocrinologist, and my general practitioner, I was in good hands. I also started going to meetings during
the taper process. Free therapy is always good!
@NoddingDog: I read that you're a woman, but "Boy do I feel your pain!"
I powdered my coccyx (sp) while I was in college, snowboarding. You know, I was 20 and invincible
aside from the congenital stuff, it was my first spinal injury. L5-S1 sounds every bit as painful as L4-L5...
I am so sorry that your medical professionals are not being of use. I would have felt incredibly betrayed had they not been there with me. Luckily, when I came completely clean to all of them, they sprung into action, on the condition that I remain honest. Completely, brutally, sometimes embarrassingly honest. (Like when I ate my first taper script in 6 days and had to swallow my pride and beg for another chance.) The endocrinologist was a godsend. He certainly identified problems that would have hindered me.
Now...Here comes some good news: I have, since beginning testosterone replacement/vitamin therapy and working out, lost 40 lbs, then gained back 25 in muscle. No fooling.
I am in far better shape now than I was in my 20's.
Figure that I started working out 2 months before my taper, and now I'm 37 or 38 days clean,
so lets call it 90 days of working out. At first it was torture. I won't sugar coat it. I would spend 15 minutes on the exercise bike, go to the bathroom, puke, repeat. I didn't feel any benefit at first. By the third week I was able to do an hour of mild cardio. By the end of the two months, I was starting to get freakin ripped
I believe this preparation phase (remember, I was still on the meds) was what enabled me to have a positive enough attitude, as well as gain enough physical stamina to go through a taper. Lets face it- withdrawal
When I went through acute withdrawal I didn't work out.
I cannot overstate (for myself at least) the value of cardio/lifting in accelerating the body's healing process.
Anyhow, at this point, I can say that I've regained 95% functionality. And I can bench about 300 lbs now, which was unthinkable years ago ;0)
As to a taper plan, there are as many ways to do it as there are addicts. What works for some may not work for others. I humbly recommend that you be gentle, but firm with yourself. You
know you best. There is a ton of info, of which I am sure you are aware, out there. As I am not a doctor, I wouldn't feel right recommending a plan for you, but if you PM me I can relate what worked for me.
I can guarantee you you're not alone.
@Jagz: Thanks bud! I was inspired by other's recovery stories. The life of an addict
can be bleak. a little inspiration can go a long way once the seed is planted.
In fact, thank you all for replying and for your kind words.
I'll check back in soon,
Best regards and be well,