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I'm a 26 yr old female, maybe you guys can tell that already, not sure. I've been reading these forums for many months now, and finally going to write.
I should start out by saying that I have been messing around with drugs since I was 15 or so. I dropped out of grade 12 and got clean from meth and crack at age 18. That was a breeze compared to what I'm doing now. I always felt BETTER when I was clean back then. Never been much of a drinker. Must say though, I'm an equestrian, competitive and horses totally saved me back then.
When I was 20, I broke my leg. Was told for years that if a person has done meth in the past, morphine is like taking a tylenol with a tiny buzz. Pretty much found that to be true. Everything sucked, until the nurse prescribed my percocet. I loved it. Then I was sent home with about 100. Right off the bat, I was taking 6 at once. There was no fear. LOL. Told my mom I "flushed them so I wouldn't get addicted" when she found the empty bottle.
Fast forward 6 years later. It must be said I also abuse zipiclone. I get a LOVELY euphoric high from them and do not take them to sleep. That is something I've been doing for nearly 8 years now too. I could talk about getting high off of zopiclone for days.
So, everything was great once those percs were gone, that summer I broke my leg. I had no sleeping pills, no cigs, no nothing. It was great, and I was normal. And then, I started hitting up medi centres again. ALWAYS for the zopiclone. I LOVED the high from it. Still do, though I find I have to take them several hours after I wake up, or else I barely feel a thing. Oh, and I only get one high a day from zop, no matter how much I take Anyways, that's another story, like I said.
So, I was hitting up medicentres. Because I still ride, and take karate now too, I use my once broken leg as an excuse to get Tylenol 4s. Which used to get me nice and high! I now have a monthly prescription for them, 50-100 a month. And 60 zop. No questions asked. My family dr has no idea.
Then, a few times a year I see my fam dr and get percocet.
This all USED to be a nice treat for me. I could cry right now as I right this, but I'm at work. I used to be functioning, (still am to a point) I had a social life, I followed thru with my ambitions, I was fine except for my secret once a month high.
Then in August 2013, my ex tells me he's found a new place to get Dillies. I'm not going to both with the whole "SWIM" stuff, if something was to come from this, and I got in trouble, it would probably be a blessing.
Sorry, Okay well he found me dillies. My ex lives on my street. The dillies are sold by an older couple, on my street. $10 a piece. This started out as something fun. I rail them BTW. I've never IV'd and am so scarily close to trying it, that's why I'm quitting. Trying to.
Dilaudid, it's funny you know, it's made me COMPLETELY useless at work, I don't even do physical labour. I have a desk job. I cannot focus without dillies. Can't funciton. It started out, as me looking for a buzz. The first time I was throwing up for 3 days. So lol my first experience wasn't great, and it wasn't until a couple weeks later I got the "hey I have like 10 more for you, if you want" so, go to the bank and get them.
Do them in my car in the same place, everytime, then drive to work. Then do them at work. And my work ethic becomes THROUGH THE ROOF. I can do everything!!! You know how it is.
I have found my drug. And it has sucked the soul out of me. What started as something fun quickly turned into a NEED. An OBSESSION. Every wednesday, Friday and sometimes Sundays. I get 12. I could do at least that much in a day. But can't afford it lol and I always try to have some for the next day.
The thing is, I'm an idiot. I've had as little as TWO in one day, and got all my work done, felt great, had energy etc.
But if I run out, I used to have about a days grace in between the shitty feeling. Now, I wake up the next day and just sweat. My WD's are no where near as bad if someone was IV'ing. Thank god for that. I live at home, I have a great job, an am a functioning addict. Minus the fact that I have a $5000 debt that should not only be paid off by now, i should have that much saved up in the bank. Instead, I've gotten NO WHERE.
I am so mad at myself. You know, if only I could buy enough so I could have 2 a day. Even then, that's money down the drain.
I barely get high anymore, unless it's been a few days. I've tried to rail less, I've heard that's a way of potentiating. I have plugged, but I think I'm doing it wrong. I have done it after a BM too, but maybe I'm not using enough/too much water? or putting in too far? I barely felt a thing, except a hardcore nod.
A friend introduced me to poppy seed tea. But all it does is stave off the WD's. Otherwise, no buzz or anything. I tried it a few different ways. If I could make THAT work, at least I could be high and functioning and not spend $1000+ a month.
I really want to go to rehab. But i'm so ashamed of myself. I've put my family thru this already. I'm almost 26 and should be doing what most others my age are doing
So here's what I'm doing right now:
Yesterday I got 100 T4's. April 1st I get 70 percocet. Then again April 12th, another 50 Tylenol 4.
I'm using this as a way of keeping myself from going INSANE, and comfortable. It kind of helps me work. That's another thing I miss. The tolerance I have to dillies, makes T4's and Percs hardly noticeable anymore. I just took 3 T4's not that long ago, and I feel good. I feel secure in myself. I know that's the high talking.
An hour before that I was on the phone to a couple ppl. I have NO will power.
Perhaps if someone has a sure fire way to make PST? Maybe the seeds sucked. And I should go to a herbal store? I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to taper off the dillies and get it out of my system using T4's and soon enough percocet.
I wished I had never played with this stuff. I never went psycho trying to find percs or T4's. Dilaudid will chew you up and spit you out!!! Sorry this was SO long. I've been waiting many many months to tell my own story.
Any PST recipes that could at least help me save money when I wanna get high???? anything?
I've never tried pst, all I can say; try kratom. Make a tea out of it, if you want to quit opiates, and it should help you tremendously. It saved me from a 2+ year long oxy and morphine addiction. I've been clean almost 8 months now (march 19)
It's legal in most states (yet, so hurry) and you can get it at headshops or online vendors (cheaper)
But you also have to want to quit, not having any pills around and know that there will be some discomfort still. I wish you all the best, you -can- do this! Just know that and you will!
kratom is amazing I know many heroin addicts with years of addiction that have used it to get clean. as far as poppy seed tea goes I would say the potency is to hard to gauge if you are trying to tapper. sticking to something like kratom is your best bet. often they come in capsule form so its a little easier to estimate the ammount your ingesting and it helps when tappering.
I will third the kratom! I just used it to come off of heroin (was doing about 10 bags a day. Been clean 2 weeks) and it was an AMAZING tool! It is addictive (research everything about it) so if you're serious about quitting, I would give it a try. The "red" varieties work VERY well for opiate withdrawal. I'm by no means giving medical advice though and am not advocating using one substance to get off of another. I'm simply telling you what worked for me. Kratom, NyQuil, 800mg of ibuprofen, trace mineral drops helped immensely as did large doses of powdered vitamin C.