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My bf and I have been off meth for 5 to 6 years. Lately I've notice an increase in his energy, willingness to do work around the house after his workday, and an increase in his want for sex.
He makes frequent trips to the bathroom and it never smells like crap in there when he's done. When this is happening, he's easy to get along with and has more patience w the kids, the dogs, and fellow employees, etc...
Then set ones he goes to bed on Friday night and will sleep pretty much till Sunday. If he does get up and go somewhere with us, he swears profusely, looks pale and dark under the eyes. His actions are like a child w ADHD that's unmediated... Fidgety and aggravating to others.
Tonight, after sleeping most of the day yesterday and only working a half say today
& coming home early and napping all afternoon, he makes a trip to a hardware store and returns (again) empty handed cause they didn't have what he needed. Happens often... We have an argument, and don't speak till after dinner.
He has to "go to the bathroom" then unload the truck from our weekend of camping. He ends up doing that, mowing the yard, doing laundry, tinkering in the garage, and acts like we never had an argument.. Everything's good.. Ha! All of his actions lead me to believe meth again but he sleeps at night and eats as usual. Could this be pain pills? That world confuses me.. I thought pain pills made ppl sleepy but I've heard of stories that r just the opposite..
Any info will b appreciated. Would like to have more info before I confront him. Thanks..
Last edited by Smeg; 06-08-2013 at 03:23.
Reason: Further paragraphing and line-spacing to facilitate reading,
Look at his pupils. If they're constricted it could be pain pills. Opiates make people tired and drowsy, so if he's not nodding off, I don't think that's likely. Just go ahead and confront him. That's probably the only way you'll know for sure. I don't think anybody on here could tell you specifically what he's doing. There's lots of drugs out there.
It could be some other drug altogether. It would surprise me if he's eating and sleeping on methamphetamine.
Given the info you have provided, i would suspect him of using meth again. All the signs are there, all thats left is to confront him, but make sure you catch him off guard and when you finally bring it up, pay close attention to his eyes and his knee jerk emotion that comes out. In my opinion: Those 2 signs could tell you a lot about if he is lying or not.
This sounds a lot like my hubby when using spice. He would deny it, tell me he was quitting and he would, four a while, then I would catch him again and he'd quit again. The biggest sign that tipped me off was the frequent trips to the bathroom. Maybe you could burst in on him every once in a while... Always worked for me.
Also, lots of people Nod off while on pain pills. Some don't. I never did. So you really can't base it on that. And lots of peoples, like me, get very energetic while taking pills. I would clean the house, take the kids too the park, i was supper Mom on them.
Look into spice, though. I'm probably wrong but it's just so similar to my experiences. Spice is also sold at gas stations and head shops. Which may be why he's always gong to the store and coming home empty handed. It's also very addicted.
I know i sound like a hypocrite, ive had an issue with pain meds my entire life but my husband is too good to be addicted. The only reason he started smoking it is cause he was a corrections officer and because of drug tests, couldn't smoke his weed anymore. He thought it was just exactly like weed. We were so wrong.
My advice? I'd try and bust him. If he won't come clean. What other options do you have?
I dont have any experience with meth, but from what I understand its similar to stimulants like adderall - and this would explain the increased energy, but if he is sleeping normally each night and his appetite hasn't gone down (plus he can nap during the day?) I would probably rule out amphetamines based on my experience. But each person reacts to drugs in different ways and no two experiences are the same.
But when it comes to pain pills they most certainly gave me tons of energy when I first started taking them. I would clean the whole house, wash the car, work out, re-organize anything and everything, etc. all this with the same eating/sleeping habits as usual.
I agree that looking at the pupils is a good way to check for possible opiates, but you should do some research on-line, I would guess there may be other drugs that could cause pupil constriction too, I'm not sure.
The one thing that sounds strange for me is the bathroom trips...how long is he in there? When it comes to taking pills, if you are eating them you dont need extended trips to the toilet to swallow a few or even a handful of pills. Sounds more like he is slamming/snorting/plugging something just because of the privacy needed. But that probably doesn't narrow it down very much, I'm sorry.
I do know that if you eat pain pills they can take 30-60 minutes to kick in, and just based on what you wrote sounds more like he is getting jacked up immediatley after his trips to the bathroom, right?
How about the money? Have you noticed large/unusual amounts missing lately? (if you share finances) this would be another sign that it's probably drugs and would be a key piece to take in to consideration if/when you confront him about the situation.
Given the info you have provided, i would suspect him of using meth again. All the signs are there, all thats left is to confront him, but make sure you catch him off guard and when you finally bring it up, pay close attention to his eyes and his knee jerk emotion that comes out. Those 2 signs will tell you a lot about if he is lying or not.
I don't agree with how you can definitely give accurate advice to the OP on the strength of this.
You see a person may well behave just as defensively (and indignantly) when being confronted if they have not been using, as well as if they have.
It might not be the best way to adjudge if positive use has happened, I feel.
Perhaps finding conclusive evidence can be a better measure of actual deception.
I'm not saying that the OP's partner should not be asked outright, just that basing any kind of assessment on their non-verbal behaviour following this, could possibly be inconclusive.
What do you think, Imgt and Varuka?
Also please feel free to. keep us updated as much as you can about how you feel about it all, Imgt.
We'll be here.
Last edited by Smeg; 06-08-2013 at 04:16.
Look at his pupils. If they're constricted it could be pain pills. Opiates make people tired and drowsy, so if he's not nodding off, I don't think that's likely.
I have to disagree with this slightly. It is true that in many and with those taking large doses who have a tolerance, opiates can make you nod and drowsy.
On the other hand, opiates make just as many people energetic, and kind. This is one of the big draws to opiates from woman or men with big families and many responsibilities thru the day.
Looking at his eyes is a great clue! If they are pin sized, opiates could be the key. Anything from pain pills to heroin.
Also, look to (or listen) for him sniffling after one of his many bathroom voyages. This can be an indicator that he is insuffilating some sort of narcotic, weather is Cocaine, Opiates, or whatever.
The best thing to do is just ASK HIM. Honesty is best, trust is paramount and drugs are not the end of the world!
Oh and shit, yes.. There is no one here that will be able to provide you with what your partner is taking for a substance as there are so many that have the similar effects like you describe... Such as the fallowing
Opiates: OxyContin, Hydrocodone(Vicodin), Hydromorphone(Dilaudid), Oxymorphone(Opana),. Morphine etc... Most moderate pain medications.
Benzodiazepines:Alprazolam(Xanax), Diezapam(Valium), Lorezapam(Ativan), etc.... Many common moderate anxiety medications.
tcoro makes a very valid point about looking into the financial aspect. drugs are generally expensive in nature unless he is getting a prescription of pain pills from a Dr. In which case, invading someones privacy should only happen when it is a life or death situation, but remember, pharmacies fill pill prescriptions and retain patient information.
Good luck to you.
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Smeg- i didn't give any accurate information, not stated as a fact but everyone reading the op, knows that really no confrontation is warranted. Given their past history with meth, or at least how long they have been off of it, and the symptoms described by the op, tells us as "experienced" users, not "factual users" that in my experienced opinion, he is probably, but not 100% guaranteed, using meth again and i highly doubt, its spice.
I think you can tell a lot about a person, by their knee jerk reaction to an otherwise off the wall question. Do they immediately get defensive or act like they don't know what the hell you are talking about. Thats just from my experiences when confronted about my drug use.
Sorry smeg, just wanted to be clear in my context.
Besides confronting him directly the best indicators of drug use would be 1). missing money and 2). long periods of time that he can't account for. This is because most drugs require money (usually more than less) to purchase them and time to go meet up with the dealer (which takes a lot longer usually than non drug users would think).
You say he often goes to the hardware store but returns with nothing? "The hardware store" could actually be his dealers place. Again, if asking him directly is out of the question this is what I would do... Next time he says he's going what I would do is call him around the time he should be at the store and ask him to get you something from there that you know they have and then see how long it takes him to get home. If he's really at the hardware store it shouldn't take very long but if he has to wait for his dealer then drive to the store, buy what you need, and then drive home it should be obvious. Oh, and check the receipt if he pays with cash or your bank statement if he pays with a card to see if he actually got your much needed item from the store he claimed to be at.
Another thing that I would do if I couldn't directly confront him would be to watch him closely when he comes out of the bathroom. If I was doing drugs in the bathroom the first thing I would do once I left would be to put them back in their hiding spot. If your watching him he would be stuck keeping the drugs in his pockets or whatever, and then I'd come up with a way to search him. Maybe accidentally spill something that you "need to quickly get under cold water so it won't stain ." If there's nothing in his pockets I would suggest then searching the bathroom, maybe he hides everything in there?
And again, I would suggest confronting him directly. Not like, "I know you're doing meth in the bathroom!" but more like "I've been noticing you acting oddly lately. For example (list the weird shit you've noticed). Is there something wrong or something you want to tell me? I'm worried about you." Maybe there is another explanation for his behavior besides drugs.
I also strongly disagree with what you have written above in your first post, there is about every drug possible to be thought of when reading about the symptoms the OP told us.
As well as several other possibilities why the boyfriend is acting how they are acting.
And yes, you DO state your 'experienced observations' as facts. If other you would not have used present tense indicative in your sentences. Maybe you didnt observe what you were actually writing?
Anyways- I tend to be of the same opinion as 160 above wrote:
I'd strongly advise the OP to just ask their bf - and not to catch them lying, but because relationships should be built on trust and communication rather than on thinking about what would happen if or if not. This leads to mistrust and possibly does damage to an otherwise functioning relationship.
lmgt, I have a certain idea about what is going on with your bf, but I certainly wont add to the guesstimation that seems evolve whenever someone is asking questions like you did.
Don't get me wrong, I am all for asking experienced people for their opinions, the only one who will really be able to tell you is your boyfriend.
A bunch of us pseudopsychologists on the internet forum playing counselling won't get you any further than to make your doubts about what is going on with your friend worse.
Originally Posted by Luke 11-9,10
9 And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
10 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
lmgt, your relationship needs a straight talk.
Good luck to you - and if you find anything to update us on or to ask furtheron, please feel free to do so.
you said this has been happening lately. well, if so and you dont want to confront him or feel that will make it worse, waiting can be an option i guess. cause sooner or later it will come out. you'll walk in on him, find his stash, withdrawls of some sort etc.
ive been able to sleep and eat on meth, pills give me energy but i nod off too which was my give away. the nod you get from pain killers is its own unique nod. nothing else makes you do that even if your dead tired
most people, esp if relapsing cant keep it a secret too long. the addiction wins and significant others get pushed to the side. it just becomes the most important thing. if i had to make a guess, from what you told me, i would say meth based on the sleep thing. when i was strung out on norcos, i never slept from friday to sunday.
oh and the eyes for sure. this is more where you can see if its opitates. cause ive been pretty teaky before and my eyes were fine but you just cant get around the constriction of the pupils from opiates
You've been on meth yourself and watched your bf use so you should know the sighns, what does your gut tell you because first impressions are usually quite accurate.
I agree that asking him outright is probably the best thing to do, the only problem with that is in my experience most addicts will lie about there use, when I was using the more I cared about someone the more I would lie and try to hide it so even if he denies it and comes up with an explanation it could all be bullshit.
The problem is everyone's relationship is different, if It was my girlfriend and I thought she was using especially if she had used in the past I would put a drug test on the table and tell her if she got nothing to hide it won't be a problem, I'm not suggesting you do that though because you might not like the reaction you get.
It sounds like he's made a lot of positive changes in his life and way of living. Whether it be a new healthy outlook on life or chemically induced, what's the problem? Let him have his privacy and better himself. If you Can't even tell if he's on drugs, only by positive change, then whatever he is doing isn't making his health decline. Maybe he goes in the bathroom to take a moment and breathe deeply, alone, maybe a splash of water. Hell, I do that all the time so I don't lose my temper over stupid shit and it helps.
I'm very thankful for each one of you taking the time to give me your opinions/advice on my issue. This is the first time ever posting on a forum and I never expected such a response! I just think its awesome that total strangers would take the time to do what u all have done... So thanks again...
My bf and I have always been able to talk about anything and I don't know why I haven't just sat him down and asked him. I guess I'm scared he will just lie or talk me in circles. I've never been real fast on my feet when it comes to those situations. I seem to always say to myself later, "I should've said this or should've asked that..." Maybe today while he's working, I should take the time to make a list of things that I have questions about and have a talk with him tonight. I will be sure to update as soon as I can. And thanks again so very much to each one of you.
Thats a great idea to write down the key points you want to bring up or ask about for when you have the conversation w/your bf. I know how hard it is to stay on track when you get in to a highly charged or touchy discussion with someone you love.
You know him best, so try to anticipate his response and have that in mind so you dont get upset or aggrivated when/if he lies or gets angry with your accusation.
And if it helps, maybe you can go about it in a concerning way, for example you can throw in there, 'I am just really worried about you' or 'your strange behaviour lately is really concerning me'
or maybe you can use this method if he gets defensive later in the conversation.
I think you also mentioned kids? If its appropriate of course, you can let him know the kids/family are concerned about him/notice this strange behaviour/want him to be healthy etc.
Obviously use your best judgement, I am just trying to throw out some ideas for you.
I really hope it goes well for you!! Good luck & keep us posted!!
Well... Almost a year since my original post & I got my proof. I found his stash of meth in his truck yesterday. I confronted him, he didn't deny it, we talked & cried for hours... Not sure what our future holds but he says he's been wanting to quit for a long time & just kept saying "maybe next week..." for a long time. He said he started back using about a year ago when the company he works for had them working a lot of extra hours & when his schedule went back to normal, he just never stopped. He lost his mother to cancer back in October of last year & I just think "the right time to quit" never came. I was surprised at the look of relief on his face when I sat down last night and said "I found your dope in your truck"....
I explained to him everything I was feeling & listed one-by-one, that his decision to start using again had allowed the drug to take several things from me. It took away my trust in him. My hope: cause even as I suspected this for a year now, I always had hope that my gut instinct was wrong. My peace: The peacefulness I had in knowing we were different than the other couples that we knew of that quit using at the same time, but one of them always went back to using behind the others back.
We were supposed to be different than them!!! He took away my best friend: the ONE person that I have EVER, in my while life been able to call my best friend.. The one who I could TRULY tell ANYTHING and it would never be repeated, the ONE who I knew would always have my back, the ONE who would never lie to me & that I knew I could trust... And my joy: My ability (so I've been told all my life) to put a smile on everyone's face.. To light up a room, simply by walking into it.. I just don't have it in me to give right now....
He cried & told me how he felt like a p.o.s. & that he didn't know my plans. But if I was leaving, he knew he was getting what he deserved, but he really hoped I wasn't. I told him that was never my intention anyway. I'm not giving up on us. I'm just not sure now what is going to be our normal from day to day. We have children.. My son who is 16 and two 13 year old girls .. One his and one mine.
They know something is up cause we were in the room quite a while last night (quietly) talking and both came out w swollen eyes from crying. I just told them it was a situation that was between me & him that it was being handled & they had nothing to worry about. But I know they'll still worry & I hate that! And then by the time we started to go to bed, I noticed he had went from humbled to sort of angry. I think the reality of Monday coming & him having to go to work without doing a line first was setting in. Then he leaves for work this am and I can hear him pulling off our street by putting it to the floor cause I could hear his engine in his truck wound up as far as it would go before catching 2nd gear. So I've got my work cut out for me..
Especially when it comes to the kids. What do u say to them when he's all if a sudden short with us, not in much of a good mood, and is sleeping instead of up working on something like he has been? They're not stupid, and they will be able to look at me & know something's up. I'm an open book & have NEVER been one that could hide her feelings...
But anyway, I just wanted to give y'all an update. Right now, my plan is to just try to be understanding with him cause I know first hand what he's gonna be going thru. And more importantly, I'm gonna pray! My strong faith in God is the ONLY thing that I have that gives me any hope or peace at this point. And if anyone has any other suggestions, feel free to share. So far, these are the few things I've mentioned to him that would need to be done in order to try to rebuild my trust in him: If I have questions, answer them with patience and no matter how insignificant he feels they are... just answer them. And each week he is paid, he needs to bring me his check. And if we see we can't get thru this on our own, then we are going to counseling. He was fine with both of them.
So that's where we are right now... Please know I'm grateful for all of your prior info & hope everyone has a good day....
Last edited by Smeg; 24-04-2014 at 12:20.
Reason: Paragraphing and line spacing for ease of reading.
Imgt-thats great that you have a strong sense of faith.will probably be very helpful for you now.
as for what to tell the kids,i'd tell them daddy is sick.he doesnt feel good and he needs our cooperation to get better.
my husband was exteremely crabby when he first quit drinking.i told our kids that he was trying to better himself,and thats not easy.
i told them he had to change the way hes been treating his body.and it can take a little time before his body adjust,and he needs us to bear with him and let him adapt.
like you said,theyre not dumb,and they will recognize a difference.just tell them its all for the best,and soon he'll feel like a better version of himself.
atleast he agreed to your rules.he could've got pissed and told you its not gonna happen.so thats great hes willing to start taking steps toward recovery.
best of luck to you and your family.and like they say,behind every good man is a great woman!