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Not sure if this is the place for it, but SWIM is feeling sucky and so i'm gonna write about it (for her). She went home for the holidays six weeks ago and found that both of her parents had big supplies of opiates. This was wonderful, SWIM thought. So she stole pills from them, lots of them.
Around the solstice she realized how shitty the whole situation was and decided to stop stealing. Of course that didn't last long, and she started it up again as soon as the opportunity arose. Quite possible that if she'd stopped then, they never would've figured it out.
The day that SWIM was leaving the country again, her mother figured it out. Of course she would, she must've stolen well over a gram of hydrocodone from her. Then today her father figured it out, which is impressive since she stole far less from him. She told them that she was selling them. Which is probably worse than telling the truth. The worst thing is that she had been warning the one parent that she thought the other parent was having a problem with the pills. Hahahaha (she said). It's true though, he takes too much.
So now SWIM is in another country, her parents are angry/disappointed, and she doesn't have any pills. Ugh (is what she said).
Last edited by helikophis; 20-01-2009 at 20:55.
Reason: correcting typo
swim's close to that situation. His grandmother lives with him, and she was perscribed vicodine, 5/500's. She didn't like the buzz of opiates, but took them occasionally. Every once in a while when swim didn't have money/source/generally desperate, you know how it is, and would sneak a couple out. Even went to the length that he'd take a couple, stash it, and wait until another day to take enough for the appropriate dose, so swim never got caught. But a couple times while pocketing them swim stopped to think, " what if I get caught?" but proceeded as intended. It's a grimy feeling, and the guilt really doesn't go away, eventually it'll fade, but it's still there. Drugs are fucked up. Or is it just really all in the person's head?
My friend Dave has stolen pills from family members in the past.It was always a proximity situation,where the goods were there when Dave was.This is something he doe's not like to think about,but seeing this post brought it all back.This was in the beginning of Daves descent,and to be honest its something Dave doesn't want to relive.But there is always a sorid tale.
Now Dave can say he has never stolen anything of value to procure drugs.And is proud of that fact.
SWIM stole a few pills from her father once. SWIcrash is right, the guilt fades, but SWIM still remembers the really ugly feeling she had when she stole from her own father-never did she think she would do that, SWIM never stole from anyone, actually. No, SWIcrash, it is not the drugs that are messed up, it is the things one will do to get them that leaves such ugliness. SWIM imagines that if she keeps on using that one day she will steal again, maybe steal things of value, she doesn't know. SWIM was never in that desperate of a situation-yet.
Last edited by wonky; 23-01-2009 at 00:22.
SWIM thinks this is part of the vicious cycle that is drug abuse. Its pretty common when you are an addict to do just about anything to get your DOC.
SWIm thinks if you get to this point, you should do a serious evaluation of your use and consider getting off.. because it is a guily horrible feeling. And its one of those things that once you do it there is no going back. SWIM knows from experience.
Patient X had a very similar situation, taking care of his mother from time to time, she didn't like the Oxies, but took them now and then, she was getting quite a lot so X helped himself as they were always mounting up, as well as other sources.
Looking at what he was doing in the light of day was kind of a rock bottom moment - looking back he can't believe he was doing this, but at the time it seemed like a just reward for having to put up with a difficult situation.
Like Roc, X never stole what somebody else needed - but the question is what might he have done had that situation arisen...
Many have been there, so your friend is not on her own.
Even went to the length that he'd take a couple, stash it, and wait until another day to take enough for the appropriate dose, so swim never got caught. But a couple times while pocketing them swim stopped to think, " what if I get caught?" but proceeded as intended
Red Rock used to do this same exact thing when he had a high tolerance to opiates and barbiturates. He would steal the barbiturates from his mom and since his tolerance was so high, he would only steal enough so he wouldn't get caught and then save them for another time where he could steal some more so he could actually get high. Man he felt so guilty about doing that because his mom was using the barbiturates for migraine headaches and when she found out that her pills were missing and Red Rock would see her in pain from the migraines with no medicine, there was huge guilt and shame. Red Rock stole opiates such as hydrocodone and oxycodone from other family members and such and felt guilty about that and would think to himself, "what if i got caught? what would happened?" However, the addiction was stronger than his thoughts at the time and he proceeded to steal the pills.
Thanks for the stories folks. It's good to know that SWIM is not alone, although it's sad to know that this sort of thing happens so much. Things can be hard. . . we just gotta remember to seek the good, and to stop doing the things that we find shameful.
addiction does horrible things to people, when swim was an active heroin addict he'd do anything short of physically harming (he was never a violent peron) someone for dope. he stole drugs aand money and possesions from the people who loved and cared for him the most, he was a worthless pile of shit. he hurt friends and family with his deciet and theft. and the fucked up thing is he felt no guilt while doing it, only after he got high did he feel some remorse. swim knows countless friends who were the nicest and most trustworthy person in the world but when they got habits they became depraved just like swim.
the important thing to do is get help and repair broken trust and make reparations. since swim got on methadone a year ago it seems like his conscious came back and he's his old self again, a kind caring slightly shy person. he started paying family and friends back money and has a great pre-addiction relationship w/ them. he constantly apologies to his mother and grandma, the 2 people he hurt and love the most in the world, in addition to paying them back and buying back pawned items, and every sunday he takes both of them out to breakfast. he still feels shame about his past, but he knows there really is a thing called redemption if one really wants it and works hard towards it.
I hear that sister! I have done just that thing! I have practically wiped out the hubby's bank account(which pays the bills for me and my children) for heroin. I am shit,plain and simple, the sad thing is that if he had not caught me,I would still be doing it.
SWIY has been in the same situation, when SWIY was 16 (3 years ago) SWIYS mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She was given a year to live an endless amounts of oc 20's and roxicet. SWIY helped himself to her medication whenever swiy wanted to, yet when she found out swiy promised her he'd never steal again. When SWIYS mom was laying on her death bed SWIY went right back to stealing them. It's just the addict in SWIY if there's a whole bottle of opiates in front of your face - you will take them. Swiy knows how your feeling (really bad) but try apologizing, I wish i had the chance to apologize to SWIYS mom but I have to live with it everyday - 3 years later SWIY is a IV heroin addict at the age of 19--you don't want that to be you.
wow. This is an increadibly sad thread. Very deep and emotional. Swim just realized another sin. If swim's at a stranger's house, and goes to the bathroom, no bottle of pills go unchecked, just in case. Even if there's a empty bottle laying around, swim'll check it out in case he can find a source or something. At 17, swim wanted so bad to just nullify his life, and leave his hometown and just shoot heroin all day. Still considers it, but then swim's connects slowly slipped into the grasp of the law, connections dried up, and some strange and horrible thoughts when through swim's head. It's amazing what the mind thinks when it's forced to be sober.