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Journal Entries

Support Fellow Members in Recovery

  • 1,7 today.

    Because 1,8 gram had such a effect on me, though I think the gabapentin was still active in my system, I cut 100 mg more today. The depressing feelings and thoughts I had the four days on Gabapentin is gone. Only thing I could think of was different ways to get a gun and shot myself. Because I don´t have any money...
  • Morning 18

    Good morning DF'rs! It's officially day 18 and I feel fan-fuckin'-tastic. I slept 7 hours last night and woke up at 4:30. I browsed the forums for about an hour and half, had my coffee, a banana, and some orange juice and went for a run. I ran harder and faster than I have over the last few days. I ran about a...
  • Addicted To Life Day: 16 Energies

    What type of energy are you projecting today? double check, seriously! are you negative, are you positive, are you loving? are you hating? are you absorbing? what is your energy today expelling? If you walk around with a negative attitude, saying to yourself you cant do something for whatever petty excuse you've...
  • Morning 22

    Well, guys, it's morning 22 and I'm feeling kinda bleh. I haven't gone for my run yet and it's almost 8am so that's probably why but I don't feel like running just yet. I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in a year and really got my heart pumping (175 bpm) for 10 minutes then did some bench presses on...
  • Morning 21: 3 weeks clean!

    Good morning, everybody. Today is my three week anniversary since I decided to get clean. Time is going so slow! It feels like it's been two months! I always thought opiates made time feel like it was going by slower but in reality it whips by when you're high all the time. These days, I'm clean and I savor every...
  • Fake shit

    The FAKE shit I came home early from work because I got a line on some shit. I picked up a girl that I took to get the it, supposedly. She came back with a bag that didn’t look quit right. It was yellow and in tiny pieces like rice, but smaller. Almost uniformed in size. I questioned it and she said the guy said...
  • Morning 23

    Good morning, DFers. It's 4:20am and I'm high as fuck. Just kidding. It's 6:48am and I'm clean as fuck. I slept like a log last night too. Last night at about 3am my mom came in my room to let my cat in and as soon as she opened the door I woke up screaming. It's okay though; I was only awake for about 15 minutes....
  • 26 days clean

    I have 26 days clean today. I'm not sure why I don't feel more proud. Actually I don't really feel much of anything. If you put meth in front of me right now, would I turn it down and walk away? I doubt it. But I'm not craving it at the moment, either. I still haven't faced my life, my problems, or my feelings. I...
  • Not by choice

    Not by choice Its been 4 days now, clean. Sobriety can be a bitch. You want to be high but you don’t. I want to want to be sober. But I feel so tired all the time and if there is anything I hate in this world as far as the way I feel, is to be tired. I had to take two caffine pills today just to get through work....
  • Addicted to Life Day 7: Major Changes

    even through impulses of my addiction im making major changes to my life, even through triggers and cravings im making major changes to my life. Im more honest, im realer with myself and others. i wont lie its difficult to make certain changes when your enviornment thats surrounding you is whats making you, and...
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