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  1. So I woke up feeling like shit. The reccomended daily dose of clonidine is 0.3mg in 24 hours. It took .04mg and 40mg diazepam, zopiclone and many gabapentin to get me to sleep at 5am for a couple of hours. I feel like this has got to be it.

    It's sa but I have the most amaxing daughter and she's not been enough to keep me clean, but my girl goes to south afrika for 4 weeks and something kicks in. I know I got to be clean when she gets back.

    Of course my daughter will benefit from me.being clean but why couldn't I do it for her? Because I love her more than any woman.

    Today I will be strong of mind if not of body.

    I'm getting picked up for an na meeting in a few hours. Got other groups this week and will go to all.
    what ever it takes.

    Withdrawal sucks and I just want to lay here but gonna force myself in the bath and get dressed.

    Today I'm. Clean.

    About Author

    Mr Bumble
    35 years old and been an addict for over 20 years now. Detoxing I can do but staying clean is a battle I keep losing. I'll keep on fighting though

Comments

  1. Mr Bumble
    Well I went to am NA meeting. Got a lift as I couldn't have walked as well wobblely and pretty fucked up.

    I'm not a fan of the of the 12 steps but the meetings help. Will go to another tomorrow evening.

    Feeling pretty shity. Spoke to my girl in SA and shes not clucking but can't sleep and left her zopiclone here . Luxkly I emptied the contents of one of her legitimate pills and stuffed 8 diazepam inside. If your wondering how I got that many in they are MSJ brand which are tiny.

    Just taken a mega dose of meds as Im done with the day so I'll pass put in 20 mins probably only until 1 or 2 am at which point i will dose again.

    Anyome starting clonidine please do not take more and 0.3mg a day. It's powerful stuff. Tolerance dose build and so dose dependancey.
    I now take up to 1mg a day and that's a crazy dose and would probably kill most people. So I will have to taper off for sure..same with the diaZepam, better a taper of that than smack habit
    1. Beenthere2Hippie
      I'm rooting for you, Mr Bumble. Wishing you a good day!
  2. Beenthere2Hippie
    Hey Mr Bumble - No matter what, I'm just glad the meeting helped. No, 12 steps are not ideal for many but it is sure better to have help from others fighting addiction rather than do it all alone. I am just glad you have support outside of just here online. Do let us know how things go.
    1. Mr Bumble
      Thanks for the support. I'll definitely keep you posted
  3. JDub8
    Glad you are clean. I'm forcing myself again this week it's very difficult to get on a roll for me.
    1. Mr Bumble
      Get preared Bro. Anything that could help have on hand. Good luck
  4. Beenthere2Hippie
    One thing I can advise is to keep busy as possible - clean the basement or attic if you have nothing else to do! - but do not sit and think. It's the worst. Or sit online either (even on DF). Also exercise or be physically active as you can. It may even at first make you grumpier, but in the long run it will help your body to get the opiates out. Lots of water, as you know: drink, pee, repeat lol.

    If you watch tv, stay away from stuff that gets you worked up (including Trump shit) and keep it light. Funny stuff is great. If you're a reader, the same goes. Don't tie your emotions up with aggravating or stress-encouraging shite. And although you need to get sober for You, you can get sober to be the best You possible for that beautiful daughter of yours that loves you so much and you love back.

    Fuck guilt. That has no place here. Just think about the happy and beautiful future (not tied with worry of needing to cop) you have to look forward to with her. The rest will fall in line as you go.

    We're here and proud of all you're doing in effort to get a better life. Rooting for you. :cool:
    1. Mr Bumble
      Wow your so right..I always feel like after. Getting clean I own myield some down time but as soon as the worst of the cluck is.over I'm back to work.
      Just woke up after drugging myield to sleep. So its day 3. Got an appointment and urin test which I'll come.up clean for any opiates and the benzos I'm proscribed so that's a passhame which will help with my court case. NA tonight and maybe work Tuesday or wednesday
  5. Beenthere2Hippie
    Hi Bumble, my friend- I was finished posting news for the day and my eye came upon your journal page, and so I had to stop by and say Hello. You are not online now, but I did not want to leave for the day without first giving a shout-out to you before I left.
    Hope all is going okay with you and your loving daughter. Here, things are good. Sending you good thoughts too. - B
  6. Dragonspotting
    Being clean 'Just for today' is all that matters. Been following your journal for a long time and I really admire your strength and continued perseverance. Keep up the good work
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