35 years of drug taking - Part 15

By supermono · Dec 8, 2014 · ·
  1. Hi everyone, Just keep going.

    JD. Thanks for your continued support mate. Nice one. How are you doing ? I,m finding hard to support others at the moment. Your new drug sounds good. I mean from the doc. If it works then great. Keep going my friend.

    Had a ruff night.............................My anxiety is back with avengence. Oh dear. I had it the night before last but did manage to drift off in the end on both nights so I have slept twice. I felt anxious when I awake just now but have calmed down abit now. I hate the anxiety as much as the withdrawl. I had before when I tried to quit but not this early on.
    If I get it during the day I can exercise it out I think.
    Last night I got into bed fine. I was quite relaxed untill some fuck heads car alarm went off. You bastard I feel like I should have found it and smashed fuck out of it. Sorry to sound so aggressive as I hit the key pad pretty dam hard. it was only just audiable aswell but I,m seem sensative to noise at the mo.

    Withdrawl wise I seem to be Ok. Its tempting to take some Codeine now but I will dose the same time as yesterday I think. I,ll write more later just needed to get that out lol.
    Peace Mono

    supermono added 166 Minutes and 16 Seconds later...

    Now I find I could face prosecution from the social security, Its fraud. I have rung a charity that I have used before but their services have changed and I dont know if they can help me yet. I think they can. I have everything crossed. I dont want to end up going to court. All this will just lead to more anxiety and drug dependance. I have still stuck to my small dose of codeine. This has now all become worse.
    I filed a false tax return because I have no records of when I worked and what money I earnt. Its better I come clean with this situation otherwise the worry will cause me more anxiety which could result in me taking more drugs and I dont want that.

    I couldnt face the chiropractor. I cancelled. I would have just been a shaking wreck in the practice.

    I just want to be clean and try somehow rebuild my life. Try and rebuild my relationship with my two daughters.

    supermono added 499 Minutes and 2 Seconds later...

    downloaded yoga as medicine for my anxiety. good results. thanks jd, good tip. just 64 mins and i can dose. back bad. take it easy everyone

Comments

  1. Jungledog
    Mono,

    One thing, one day at a time. You can't change the past or poor decisions you made in the past but you can choose to not make those same decisions. It is also not helpful to beat yourself up for the stupid shit you did in the past. Just know that it is done. Look only to the future and envision the person you want to be...and then BE it. I saw myself drug free and I am becoming this person. I saw myself being a better mother and I am becoming this mother.

    Tonight I stopped myself from the crazy fucking 14 hours in a row of working I have been doing today and I thought "do something with the boy." So our college does these awards. We have to honor a colleague. It is just a silly piece of paper and we write positive things about the person on it. So I wrote out the positive words and then I dug out the hot glue gun, sparkles, little roses, hearts, pearls, and glitter and my son and I decorated the hell out of this thing!!! My colleague will love it and my son got quality time with his Mom. I remembered to text one of my daughters tonight and I called the other one. It wasn't a ton of time but it WAS time none the less. Do little things..a little at a time, ya know?

    As for anxiety, the yoga does truly work. Do it each and every day consistently. You will be very surprised how much the anxiety improves. Cut out the caffeine. Eventually get rid of the nicotine (as this really makes anxiety worse although it feels like cigs help anxiety in reality it is the opposite). Exercise each day. Eliminate sugar. Try valerian and kava. Chamomile and lavender tea helps too. Essential oils of rosemary and lavender help too. And of course keep tapering...opiates in the long term actually jack up anxiety instead of reducing it.

    You are doing good. Just keep taking it one day at a time. Hugs to you.
  2. Werecat
    Hi Supermono, I'm doing ok.

    I'm glad to see you're tapering, don't worry about getting the codeine, it'll help you taper if you do it right you seem to be doing ok. We'll support you. I'll be tapering myself according to how my pain goes.

    Don't beat yourself up about the social. Being honest about it will help your conscience. Be kind to yourself and don't use it as a trigger excuse. :) I hope you get the help you need.
  3. supermono
    Thanks werecat. Hope you are well ?

    I hear you JD. I just get down somedays and this anxiety is a bitch but thanks.
    I,ll cut down and smash the hag this time. some accupunture will help the anxiety. I,ll find out tomorrow if the charity can support me. It has before and if I can get rid of it then i can taper right down to nothing. Sleep well everyone. Peace Mono
  4. Werecat
    I'm ok but I'm not sleeping brilliantly. This just happens sometimes (been happening my whole life).
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