Mornin everybody, Thanks for your post JD. I know things are very tuff for you right now and I am willing you to get better. I am sure you will. You do make me chuckle. Thank you
Yesterday I felt quite low but with banging house tunes and movies i picked up really well. I was searching through the internet trying to find lots of tunes I used to listen too. There was one tune. My favourite Rodger Sanchez tune I just couldn't remember. I new it has some flamenco guitar in it. I kept trying to find via R S website, google, You tube but I couldn't. I have just got up and drinking tea I thought about what it was called. It was on the tip of my tongue and it pooped into my head. Brilliant. fuckin brilliant. Oh the neighbours are going to hate me for this one LOL. I have realised that I,m going to bed and getting bad anxiety. Anger is the cause. My thoughts take me back to all the people who either ripped me off or screwed me over. This will pass. Part of the healing process in early recovery.
So I watched slumdog millionaire a great love story to end the day with lovely thoughts of the man finally finding his beautiful woman. A brilliant film. It brings back many memories of the the months and years I have spent there. A fascinating country with 1.2 billion people, most who live in abject poverty. Sad, very sad. One day I will return.
I took half a xanax 1 mg and read a little about the introduction to Buddhism. Just thinking of being calm. I am arming myself with all the tools I have learnt over the years of trying to quit this terrible affliction. The xanax has to go but I have taken very little for 2 nights only. I didn,t sleep well. My body still feels like its broken and I had pain in my legs last night. I should have put that bath in three years ago. Just have a shower. T shirt wet this morning. That's good to sweat this crap out of me.
I AM ONE WEEK NO OPIATES TODAY. There is a small fanfare playing but I have been here many times before, trying to become a human being rather than some fucked up junkie.
I have my to do list written out for the day which I must try and complete. Only 7 or 8 things to do so I hope I can scribble them all out. I do get slight cravings but I just tell it to fuck off and think how bad my life had become.
supermono added 5 Minutes and 5 Seconds later...
Ooops. I meant to hit preview but hit submit.
I want to wish you all a good day. keep working guys. Keep going. The light at the end of the tunnel maybe small but it gets bigger and bigger as My train picks up speed. I love you all for all the support you have given me. You are all brilliant, lovely fantastic human beings. Peace be with you my friends. Mono xx