35 years of drug taking - Part 34

By supermono · Dec 24, 2014 · ·
  1. HI, thanks for your support girls. love you both JD and Lostly for all the support over the last weeks. yesterday turned out well even with fuck all sleep.I rang Doctor H my chinese doctor and he said just get in that fuckin bath man. As hot and as long as you can. I went to mums for the bath as I am only a shower person and thats all I have in the bungalow. The sweat was pouring off me. A long walk just made my back pain and movement worse but my friends in the village gave me cake and tea which was so cool. Then back for another hot bath at mums. lied about it which I hate. I said it was for back pain, but its more for my addiction/recovery I suppose. Still I,m not worrying about that. Another longish night with a few hours sleep although I did take some xanax but I do believe it does sweet fuck all. I cant feel it.

    Woke up tired this morning and went to see Doc H for acupuncture. he only spiked me 4 times as he said I was too tense. So he then proceeded to give me a head, neck, shoulder, arm and hand massage. The man of many talents with the biggest smile. I really like him and a good job too as I have placed my trust in him to help me. Trust with human beings is very important to me and people I have trusted have been bad to me in the past. If I cant trust someone its game over for me.....................Another very hot bath at mums then back home. I was feeling so sleepy, like real sleepy. natural :) I drank a tea and couldnt stay awake so I got into bed for an hour and half and slept for one. One hours unaided sleep. This is massive to me. It means the process of healing is working. I am thrilled even if i dont sleep well tonight. I,m not going to take any more xanax now. Its shit anyway. I want my sobriety now. I want to be clean. Totally clean. 100 %. I,ve been reading an introduction to buddhism. The way i have lived my life is the complete opposite of the way they live theirs. I focus on external objects and lust over them. My mind can never be free if I stay on that path. The right path is to be free of external lust, like drugs, motorcycles, objects. It only brings disharmony and I can really see why. Our society is based on consumerism and that is the opposite to Buddhist way of life. When the mind is free from this then the peace and harmony will flow. I like that. I really do.
    I dont really do x mas but will go to cousins tomorrow and enjoy not drinking alcohol. I do love the new year though. A new dawn, a new beginning. Spring on its way. i,ll get to see my girls on the 11th of Jan I hope. Take them shopping. Dont girls just love to shop ;). I will enjoy spending my money on them and not drugs. Merry christmas and a clean and serene 2015 to everybody. Peace for all mankind. Love ya Mono

Comments

  1. marathonmel7
    Hey Mono, just checking in on you. Sorry I haven't been more of a part of your thread. I haven't really been in the mood to post. Anyways, I'm glad your'e doing better. Just keep fighting the good fight. You'll feel better and better as the days past. I am on day 23 and I feel pretty damn good. Got a lot of bad anxiety but I'm pushing through.

    Anyways, hope you have a happy holiday. Take care my friend. I will check back in on you later.
  2. lostlygirl
    I would love to read whatever you are reading on Buddhism. I don't know to much about it but whenever I read it I get a calm, peaceful feeling.

    I am glad you are hanging in there with the lack of sleep. It's all a part of the process. Your acupuncturist sounds really cool. What I would give for a massage and acupuncture! I must say that being on testosterone had made a huge dent already in my energy/happiness levels, and its only been day 3. I highly recommend it. Of course I am on tiny doses cause I am a girl. I actually had a few hours of happiness for no reason whatsoever both yesterday and today. It was a rather odd experience. You know that feeling we would get when we were young and thought we could do anything, until life killed the dreams? Like that. It's been way too long since I have felt that way.

    Well, Its probably the middle of the night for you guys, but I just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas. I think if I am remembering correctly that you are 8 hours ahead?

    I am proud of you, Mono! You are traveling this road with grace. 2015 is going to be awesome for you...! I can feel it :).

    Christmas Cheers and love, always!
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