Hi everyone, hope your all doing well and working on your sobriety and enjoying life.
JD my friend, thanks, you brought tears to my eyes but in a good way. Love you too.
Ten days in now. Clean but not as serene as I will be. I was round a mates house last night. He's drinking beer and smoking joints and I'm on pints of water LOL. Tempted, yes I was but I use the "Fuck off" technique which seems to work. Some people would say stay away but I need my friends and he would always help me out with anything.
I'm eating well. Loads of organic food and getting back into cooking again. Lots of lentil curries, smoothies, fresh juice, fish and just 1 or 2 organic red meat meals a week. I can't get everything I want organic like strawberries but mostly its organic. I worked in organics many years ago, going up to the markets in london and buying for a friend of mine and his business. Driving back to the country as the sun was rising. Then I would get shit faced. Madness.
Sleep is still very bad. It takes me hours to get off and then I get maybe 3 to 5 hours sleep but it will improve.
Motivation is very slowly improving. little by little. I am motivated to go and travel again. Looks like France for spring time. Trail riding in the forests with a mate of mine. Then maybe back to India for the winter. Its just an idea at the mo but I can rent the bungalow out and live on the cash from that. I've a bit of work to do on the bungalow first and I am going to start tomorrow morning. I,ll try and be strict with myself. Treat it like a job. So the plan is to work 9 to 5 but with plenty of tea breaks. I need to sort the garage out first. Its a complete mess. looks like a nuclear war head has gone off . All my tools need some TLC.
Anxiety gets less each day. During the day I hardly get any. In the evening I can get just a tad but nothing I can't handle. I just ride it out sometimes but I always have yoga breathing techniques if it gets too bad. I'm glad I got rid the benzo's. I,d have used them by now.
I need to unload today as NFH's landlord just came over. I complained to him twice over the last ten days about NFH's feckin dog barking at 3.30 am and midnight. The last time I complained to him I raised my voice and said " Don't make me have to come back and see you or I'll feckin loose it." He is just as bad as nfh !!
Doesn't remember any conversations we have had over 3 and half years, Arse hole.
So 20 minutes ago he knocks on my door and says i've told her to get rid of the dogs or she has to go !! I will not believe it until she does. While we were talking she rang him and started kicking off about me. Laugh ? I nearly wet myself but it makes me nervous and I started to shake. Time will tell on this one but I have taken the courage to change this situation.
It appears she will not get rid of the dogs so she will have to go. I think they will have to drag her out kicking and screaming. She is scared. She grassed people up in court about a fraud and embezzlement case and her bloke got put down for 8 years. The curtains are always drawn and the outside lights have been on for 3 and half years. I thought this only happened in cities not a tiny rural village. We will see what happens. As long as she stays away from me then all will be well.
I think of you guys everyday. You have supported me well and I am truly grateful. life is still hard for me but each day gets a little better. if i could just get this sleep thing worked out then the world will be my oyster.
Wishing you all peace,serenity and much love. You will remain in my heart always. love ya Mono