1. Dear Drugs-Forum readers: We are a small non-profit that runs one of the most read drug information & addiction help websites in the world. We serve over 4 million readers per month, and have costs like all popular websites: servers, hosting, licenses and software. To protect our independence we do not run ads. We take no government funds. We run on donations which average $25. If everyone reading this would donate $5 then this fund raiser would be done in an hour. If Drugs-Forum is useful to you, take one minute to keep it online another year by donating whatever you can today. Donations are currently not sufficient to pay our bills and keep the site up. Your help is most welcome. Thank you.
    PLEASE HELP
    Dismiss Notice

Blog Entries List

Blog Entries from community members

Support Fellow Members in Recovery

  • Oxy Bout. Round 6

    Df Community, Today is the day I truly get tested. The Re-up... Not going to lie pretty damn nervous about that. But I believe that I've put in the hours and days to hold out. My brain is just swimming with ideas. Also I don't know what it is. But my feet hurt! But mainly only the heel. And on the arch sometimes....
  • Since Saturday

    Today is Thursday, marking my 6th day clean. I've had a couple of cravings but I was able to keep my mind off of it by my work. I've been a little tired but I know that will get better with time.
  • Oxy Bout. Round 5

    Community, Wanted to start off by saying thank you to those who's have given any kind of comment, you guys and gals are awesome. Anywho's.... Day 6/7ish Finally maybe coming out of the worst of the storm. (Still in some sort of storm, just not the worst part) still dealing with horrible insomnia. Have to load...
  • A new life is born-Addicted to life: Restarting & Fighting spirit

    So I'm back, and I came with a new insight that I didn't have prior to this. I'm not perfect, nobody walking this earth surface is, that's a tough pill that I had to swallow in my life. Its not just me, I feel like deep down everyone wants to be perfect, not making a mistake, always being on time, always doing...
  • The big lie continues

    Here I am day 3 of the most abysmal attempt to quit the dope. It sounds so good to be clean and free, but I just can't seem to get out of my way. WHAT makes me think I can do this on my own? Oh,ya, my delusional thinking.. At what point did I think I was God, and just stop using? My ego haunts me daily. My...
  • Oxy Bout. Round 4

    DF Community, First off thanks Heart, and Aem. For the support and advice. Maybe when and if I can scrape together some cash I'll be able to get some extract. Anyways... Day 5 It's a very very late night and very early morning. Probably about 3 hours of sleep. If that. And the RLS is still just daunting. But I...
  • New life

    Today marks 2 days and I'm a little tired but I'm holding up! I'm on this path beacause I just don't get any enjoyment out of it anymore, a much needed change is in order. I'm glad I'm alive and well.
  • Oxy bout. Round 3

    Hello again Community, Yes still here. I was up at a wedding 800 miles away. Man that was a trip (without anything!) Day 4/5 so yes I'm still doing okay. The sleep has still been bad. But the RLS is still worse. I've been coping with the sleep due to Ambien. Which I really hate taking. Because I know of the...
  • Overthinking.

    Today I am going to touch the question that has been hounting me for years since I myself became a parent (Not the ideal one, I guess, but I am trying). Years ago on this forum was a thread with a question along these lines (Can not remember correctly): "Would you let your children get known to the drugs, be...
  • Every day struggle.

    So I decided to start a new journal, since my first was about my most recent relapse and I feel I'm past that head space. I last used in late March (opiates, anyway) and I've been doing fine staying away from them even though the cravings are still near constant. Buuuut, me being a moron I have gotten wrapped up...
  1. 10 months plus & counting... minor setback

    I'm now turning the corner to a year clean. I'm over 10 months.. I did have a minor setback. I had a ruptured ovarian cyst last week & was given morphine IV & sent home with percocet. The first time I took the percocet, I threw up. LOL Ironic? Anyways, when used as directed it actually has helped & now I'm done taking them, but I had quite a few people raise concerns about my using them. I had two root canals last year & didn't even fill the vicodin my dentist gave me, but I truly...
  2. Positivity

    So, l'm in a good place with my polydrug use. It is almost at zero, sadly l've had to use Valium lately but purely for medical reasons not recreational reasons and minimum doses as possible. I guess for all my effort and concentration paid off plus the support and consideration from members helps immensely. So yep...l did it and l've stuck with it for a while now minus my curiosity with PST but like l mentioned in my other post/experience report, it's okay but just not my thing. So yes,...
  3. Felt better this morning so I made a cut to 0,8 gram.

    Not much more to say.. Mild anxiety but now cold hands/feet. As I stated before I´m looking forward to experiment with Ketamine.. Have a nice day/night
  4. Second journal entry

    I think I'm basically through it. The last two days it's been 10mg diazepam and 4mg lope. Forcing myself to eat well, stay socially connected & even made it into the gym for a pretty heavy duty session on day 4. Still nothing much more than a low mood, consistent slight nausea (annoying but so what) and some headaches but a few beers and some Peaky Blinders on TV in the evening smooths that out. Going to stop to diazepam tomorrow, a week on those little pills is definitely enough IMO, I...
  5. Noodling on Prayers

    Recently I've been reciting the serenity prayer when I do my daily religious practice O' Divine Mother, grant the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I had a funny thought when I recited it this morning. What of the courage to disagree with the 12 steps and attempt moderation? Assuredly they wouldn't approve of that, or call it unwise. Otherwise, that Modafinil never got started (my insurance doesn't...
  6. Back to tapering, I stay on 0,9 for a few days..

    I woke up 03:00 in the night because the lyrica I have taken for two days had left my system. I will stay on 0,9 for a few days until I get more stabilized. When I don´t have the chills and feel better.. But today I feel better then two days ago at least.. I could eat some breakfast and talk normal with my mother.. no fetus position yet :D I will go to the Gym today again. Hope you all have a nice day! Peace out from Sweden.
  7. Wow not sure how many days now but past the 14 days I know that

    Hi all who read this. Life is still amazingly awesome. I've just been in hospital due to a migraine which I've got a history of, and believe it or not the fact I'm even writing this tonight is unreal. See I usually end up knocked out for 2 full days at least after a hospital visit, by ambulance I might add, which I totally always hated. But for the very first time it took less drugs to rid me of my migraine and I bounced and I mean literally bounced out of the hospital 4 hours after arriving...
  8. It's not going to stop

    Sorry if I skip around a lot, but that's what's gotta happen to bring you up to snuff with my current drug issues. Last month I was able to curtail my dope habit by trading it for a meth habit. Spare me. So my story starts last week, my boyfriend sent me to get a bun and I came back with a gram of hard, too. Boyfriend isn't into meth but I figured snorting it (that's how he does it) doesn't really do anything anyway so that's where he mst of made his decision. So I came back with the two...
  9. Zombie Bitch

    I miss my love, my Fentanyl. She brought hot coffee in the morning, then gave a body numbing massage that made everything feel good. Snuggling down into her soft breasts, I had no real need to move out of bed. No hunger; no need to urinate – just a sleek surge of velvet nothing-ness. Her thoughts were my thoughts and we thought our thinking was marvelous and unique. Now she is gone; my thoughts are dull. Other times my love, Fentanyl was like the soft, firm head of the mighty penis. Add a...
  10. another good day without phenibut!

    I shaved and shower for the first time in three weeks.. then I went to the gym. It was awesome..I´m still strong! And it´s friday so my mother bought me a sixpack :D. Making music and feel fine.. a spliff would be nice.. It was like six month ago I smoked.. I did order some ketamine and plan to take it really small doses.. Like medicine.. I read a lot about it and my conclusion Is that in my state it can be good for me.. making new synapse in my brain.. And I love the feeling to.....
  11. Fuck it

    I must say life is much more interesting when I'm not falling out on opiates and combining them with far too many other downers and waking up wasting the high covered in vomit flipping out about getting more. But really, what did I take when I funded and scored heroin? Speed or coke. without fail. And now that I'm using a lot of psychedelics, ketamine, pcp, 3meopcp and most of all some meth and regular amphetamines it's gotten a lot more interesting and a lot more insightful. There is so...
  12. What's been going on with me.

    A lot of ER and ICU visits. General gravitation towards stimulants and benzos less opiate use surprisingly. Getting better at handling myself on drugs or sober, minimizing and ignoring paranoia, knowing my limits and such. Had a 100mg+ trip on 4-ACO-DMT took 2+grams of DXM recently and stabbed myself repeatedly being the last 3 causes of visits to hospital. Amazingly I have avoided the psych ward, went to rehab once did not get sober, and generally started to learn from my shit conduct and...
  13. Yeah my bad and some clarification to the forums.

    A) for the paranoid hostile posts thinking people were talking about me when they weren't B) for the discussions about crime and murdering the false people out to get me C) for general shit posting and ranting D) whoever the fuck it was that had all I remember is opium smoking habit and that you said something that I could relate to or moved me, for what I remember ranting incomprehensibly and probably ending up insulting you when I meant to apologize the last time. Also think once or twice...
  14. A lyrica day with no phenibut.

    Felt great all day.. Plan to take lyrica tomorrow also and the cut to 0,7. Fukk.. I ald girlfriend comes to visit!! what should I do?? I cant lay around like a corp all days when she is here!!
  15. Day 50

    Well, well, well... It's been a long time since I've been here. I've been catching up on the journals. Most of them are hard to read: so much pain... I've been doing well. I haven't had a craving in a couple of weeks. I'm not exercising as much and my diet isn't as nutritious but I'm happy and healthy and that's what matters to me. :-) I've been meditating daily for the past nine days and studying Eastern religion. I'm really enjoying it and I'm learning a lot. Through meditation I've...
  16. Cold Turkey Codeine & Oxy with loperamide + diazepam

    Hola, So I just wanted to share an opiate WD experience I am currently going through involving the support of loperamide and diazepam. I am a long time drug user, into everything and anything from a very young age. Anyway, this last dip into to river of opiates after a good year+ clean started with a knee injury for which I was prescribed codeine (100 pill bottle / 30mg). Going ahead two months, & countless CWE with OTC Codeine extras (500mg paracetamol / 15mg codeine), I admitted defeat...
  17. 0,9mg today and no cold feet/hands.

    I don´t know how to deal with this depression apathy.. But my looking backward I´m really good and time will heal me.. I make a 100 mg cut every each day now or more .. I should be happy that it´s almost over but i feel dead inside.
  18. Everything hurts.

    The title sums things up. I have to have foot surgery again. It is going to be interesting to do that without the Fentanyl. I won't go back on it, but morphine in the hospital could increase my tolerances. No morphine and yeah, roll me over and shoot me - like a lame horse. It's better for the horse. What a stupid choice - do I feel bad now with pain or do I feel really bad later with withdrawal? Modern medicine needs to come up with better options, but with research funding cut - the chance...
  19. I Give Up

    I've been doing this shit for way too long. Now that I have no veins left, I think I'm giving up the ghost and ending my obsession with heroin. I can't do it anymore, at least not the way I like, so why bother? I'm done. I still occasionally like pills, just to get the fuzzy warm opiate feeling again, but all it really does is keep the fire alive. So I'm through. Just booze and weed from here on out. A somewhat sober life. That's it, just wanted to let you all know.
  20. third day on 1gram of phenibut. Chills went back.

    But only i gram went them go away and my cold feet and hands went warm again. Next week I will do a a experiment with Ketamine that suppose to help me with the healing progress my brain got from this phenibutshit. All the symptoms I have, cold feet and hands and spinal chills are typical signs of damaged dopamine receptors. Ketamine can hurry up this healing..
  21. Love Life

    Firstly I don't have any concerns over any cravings as I don't believe in addictions. I believe it's all in the mind and I proved this to myself by quitting smoking then meth after doing both for over 20 yrs, so easily. I've survived the deaths of 2 sons, my 3 yr old murdered on Boxing Day 2002 and my 16 yr old ran over by a cops daughter on a phone, driving a defected car on 18/11/2005. I live in between where both were killed. I've survived 9 yrs in a domestic violence relationship which...
  22. addicted to life: day 20 work,work,work. i want it easy!!

    yeah everyday is work, yeah its awesome. But sometimes i just want shit to be easy honestly, sometimes i just wanna be there already, sober, with years of clean time, money, a successful happy life, and a very loving family, with no problems only complete udderly wierd happyness. But nope, everyday is work, and every new day is work. Sure i can take time off, but then what? im bored, and im using so id rather not. But i could take time off and do other fun stuff, yeah but then where the hell...
  23. Day 4

    So another fucker of a day. my idea of getting clean and my girls don't match up. first day I felt almost normal and didn't need to reach for the pill pot. Decided I'd aim to get the washing up done andake it to an NA meeting tonight and that would be enough for day 4. Well 11am my girl hits the booze again. it starts off fine. We're listing to old music and having a laugh but then she turns on me and to be honest right now I've not got the shortest of fuses and have a habit of coming...
  24. Been to the psychiatric ward for the first time!

    Hello my friends. My mother could not see me in the state I was anymore, fetus position, not cleaning or even taking of my clothes for weeks, so she drive me to the psychiatric ward. It was the first time in my life and it only got me more depressed.. So I had to "play" better to get out of there.. My mother sneaked in my phenibut doses and I even cut 200mg while I was in there. Yesterday I made a 300 mg cut so now I´m down to 1 gram! But tomorrow or later this day/night will tell how the...
  25. 12 days clean after 20 years of using on a daily basis

    Wow what can I say? Life is awesome and some..... I sometimes wondered if I would ever get to this point and now I'm here all I can say is I feel amazing, utterly amazing....... I finally for the last time quit meth forever 12 days ago. I can in all honesty say I'm never ever going to touch it or any drug again (except aspirin or what the hospital give me for my migraines which if I'm being honest I think will not come back anyway). Straight is awesome. I'm completely loving my life at the...
Loading...