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Blog Entries List

Blog Entries from community members

Support Fellow Members in Recovery

  • Oxy Bout. Round 6

    Df Community, Today is the day I truly get tested. The Re-up... Not going to lie pretty damn nervous about that. But I believe that I've put in the hours and days to hold out. My brain is just swimming with ideas. Also I don't know what it is. But my feet hurt! But mainly only the heel. And on the arch sometimes....
  • Since Saturday

    Today is Thursday, marking my 6th day clean. I've had a couple of cravings but I was able to keep my mind off of it by my work. I've been a little tired but I know that will get better with time.
  • Oxy Bout. Round 5

    Community, Wanted to start off by saying thank you to those who's have given any kind of comment, you guys and gals are awesome. Anywho's.... Day 6/7ish Finally maybe coming out of the worst of the storm. (Still in some sort of storm, just not the worst part) still dealing with horrible insomnia. Have to load...
  • A new life is born-Addicted to life: Restarting & Fighting spirit

    So I'm back, and I came with a new insight that I didn't have prior to this. I'm not perfect, nobody walking this earth surface is, that's a tough pill that I had to swallow in my life. Its not just me, I feel like deep down everyone wants to be perfect, not making a mistake, always being on time, always doing...
  • The big lie continues

    Here I am day 3 of the most abysmal attempt to quit the dope. It sounds so good to be clean and free, but I just can't seem to get out of my way. WHAT makes me think I can do this on my own? Oh,ya, my delusional thinking.. At what point did I think I was God, and just stop using? My ego haunts me daily. My...
  • Oxy Bout. Round 4

    DF Community, First off thanks Heart, and Aem. For the support and advice. Maybe when and if I can scrape together some cash I'll be able to get some extract. Anyways... Day 5 It's a very very late night and very early morning. Probably about 3 hours of sleep. If that. And the RLS is still just daunting. But I...
  • New life

    Today marks 2 days and I'm a little tired but I'm holding up! I'm on this path beacause I just don't get any enjoyment out of it anymore, a much needed change is in order. I'm glad I'm alive and well.
  • Oxy bout. Round 3

    Hello again Community, Yes still here. I was up at a wedding 800 miles away. Man that was a trip (without anything!) Day 4/5 so yes I'm still doing okay. The sleep has still been bad. But the RLS is still worse. I've been coping with the sleep due to Ambien. Which I really hate taking. Because I know of the...
  • Overthinking.

    Today I am going to touch the question that has been hounting me for years since I myself became a parent (Not the ideal one, I guess, but I am trying). Years ago on this forum was a thread with a question along these lines (Can not remember correctly): "Would you let your children get known to the drugs, be...
  • Every day struggle.

    So I decided to start a new journal, since my first was about my most recent relapse and I feel I'm past that head space. I last used in late March (opiates, anyway) and I've been doing fine staying away from them even though the cravings are still near constant. Buuuut, me being a moron I have gotten wrapped up...
  1. Patient X's Oxycodone Withdrawal Story - Part 47

    Not been a good few days for Patient X in a few ways. Then again it has been a good few days because he has dealt with a lot of "stuff" and still not used - this seems to be a paradox of being clean, even the worst days have that positive to add on at the end. On Tuesday he had his first clean business meeting with a new client for many months. It went well, he was engaged and interested. On his oxied up meetings he just wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else, and looked forward to...
  2. Relapsed...Moved on past the 18 month mark of recovery...Now what? - Part 8

    Re: Relapse....Now What From Here Well Red Rock is glad that so many people have been inspired by his story. To tell you the truth, he was mainly writing this for himself in order to just chart his progress and help in deal with cravings and get his thoughts out in the open. Anyways, Red Rock is doing great. He has spent last night drinking with some friends and tonight is going to a club to party but after that, no more alcohol for quite some time as school will be starting next week....
  3. Hi all..SWIM's codeine addiction - Part 6

    sorry i havent been here guys, i have to admit I have been avoiding and just taking the damn pills. I think i was trying to be too much of a hero, and it ended up just making things worse. Now im trying to go down by half a pill a day, sometimes every two days.Its painfully slow, but it seems to be working. In that I don't get as hellishly sick. I am too really thinking that this will need to be worked on with my new therapist im referred to, who i wont see for another couple of weeks.. so...
  4. Dancing with the devil - Part 1

    There are many eupemisms for addiction, some of us call it "Bad Angel", or the monkey, or the devil or whatnot.... Roxie still needs a name that will stick... but nonetheless it is the same thing - EVIL. And that thing is taunting Roxie, in her dreams, in her waking world. Not so much with her DOC but taking the back door method.. "oh just one drink, it will be fine...all your friends do, all your co-workers do, how are you ever going to not drink and have a life??" She is having a hard...
  5. Roxie just got home from detox.. - Part 5

    Thankfully the needle will never be an option for Roxie as she never got to that poing, perilously close, but didn't do it. And she will NEVER be that close to it again- not if I have anything to say about it. I will truss her up and throw her in closet and throw away the key before she can even try. Work was fine for Roxie, a couple of moments where she her mind started playing tricks but she just dove back into her InBox that has been neglected for too long and kept focused. It's odd...
  6. Roxie just got home from detox.. - Part 4

    Thanks Avid... Roxie is about to head off to work - She hasn't been to work "sober" in over a year. Didn't get to sleep last night until about 1 menaing only 6 hours sleep-Roxie is one who needs 11 (seriously, sleep studies and all that). So she is anxious but determined to go in, and kick some ass, remind everyone why they hired her in the first place. That the rising star they saw at the beginning is still on her ascent. Wish her luck. At least wish that her mood swings are manageable...
  7. Roxie just got home from detox.. - Part 3

    Dickon- thank you. If you don't mind Roxie copied that to a word document of reasons that will be carried as a reminder. Her backstory includes fighting the demon once before about 3 years ago, so she is lucky to have had a taste, albeit brief, of unbridled joy. She remembers waking up one morning and going out to her car to go to work, and just standing there amazed at the spring colors, the fresh air, the birds singing, the raccooon scooting across the street...and feeling utterly...
  8. Roxie just got home from detox.. - Part 2

    Thanks AvidFan and betsym. Roxie has read much of Patient X's story but has not yet searched for Screaming. As a matter of fact Patient X's story played a good part in convincing her to go to detox. She spent one night not too long ago, not able to sleep deciding whether or not to find a needle for the first time, just to get THAT MUCH MORE out of her DOC. I was searching this forum and somehow came across his story. She sat in front of the computer crying, reading it and said NO MORE....
  9. Roxie just got home from detox.. - Part 1

    Roxie has been reading this site for a while and while it seems counter-intuitve for her to get to the recovery board thru an informational board, she has found the recovery board to be useful, and has related to many of the stories found here and found much of the advice useful. Though she has lurked for a while, it has come time for her to commit to the recovery process and needs all the help she can get. Plus sleep seems to be elusive at the moment Roxie just got home from a medical...
  10. descent into oblivion (coming off opiates) - Part 45

    5 weeks today off all opiates for Dave.Its certainly easier as Dick(RS) said at this point.X seems to be doing great as well,congratulations on your sexual conquest.Dave's writing in this thread will probably slow down somewhat, unless there is something important to say.He knows he's not out of the woods ,but the trees are thinning out. Dave is better than he can ever remember, but he's not going anywhere.He's gonna stick around and try to help others who have fallen into similar traps as...
  11. Anxiety - methamphetamine withdrawal - Part 20

    Your situation does sound very similar to SWIM's but as you are still new to methamphetamine there is no way to tell if you will fall further into addiction, with it taking everything you have, or whether you will be able to stop when you feel things are getting bad. Some people do have controlled methamphetamine use for a long time so it can be done, but for most people it is a slow spiral downwards that is one hell of a mission to bounce back from. Coping with bipolar disorder in...
  12. Patient X's Oxycodone Withdrawal Story - Part 46

    Hey Dickon, good advice there - X is probably deviant but not rabid :crazy The first 4 days of WD were let's say extremely sensitive, and there were surges of libido on and off for the next 3 weeks. Actually, on the day in question X seemed to lose interest altogether and wondered if there would be any response from him at all (but this was probably down to nerves and the novelty of being without the opiates) - but it was fine. Stamina wise, about average - certainly less compared to the...
  13. Some advice please on codeine quitting - Part 12

    Hey again Dickon! Swim has tried the reducing of the amount of codeine she takes in each dose before but proved largely unsuccessful as she wasnt getting any buzz and ended up taking more than she normally would have as the craving for the buzz got so bad!! Saying that...swim wasnt as determined to get off them now as she is now!! Swim will look into sourcing of clonidine and completely understands that you cant help her with that and wouldnt expect you too either :) Swim thinks it...
  14. Some advice please on codeine quitting - Part 11

    Thanks so much for that reply Dickon and to be honest I cant agree more with what you have said.....firstly though.....coming off sleepers first swim didnt really consider as swim thought 2 of the predominant withdrawal symptoms are sleeplessness and restless leg......swim has a friend who quit same amount of codeine as swim and managed to stay clean for 2 weeks and then relapsed, her reason for relapse being that she just couldnt stick no sleep and restless leg anymore...she is still on...
  15. descent into oblivion (coming off opiates) - Part 44

    Replying to Dawnie,The first ten days Dave was in no condition to get on the computer ,let alone type. Dave had perused the site and come up with a game plan ,but when quitting time came it was all he could do to stumble out the door a couple times a day. After 11 days he started to chronicle his story. Alot was left out because of that, but its really something most have who have gone through the process understand.He can provide the grizzly details if you want.To be honest Dave was out of...
  16. Pain pill kick-off - Part 5

    I'm on day four (I've lost track of the hours) and I'm doing good. I walked 2.5 miles yesterday. I was pretty tired afterward. I slept 5 hours in two stretches last night which was the longest I've slept in awhile. That was good. I am feeling some energy bursts and I feel like my central nervous system is starting to wake up. I'm still working on cramping and the runs but those symptoms are the reason that I started with the drugs in the first place and I expected that they would be a...
  17. Some advice please on codeine quitting - Part 10

    Swim is using red vein thai kratom in powder form....swim isnt getting any sort of buzz from it at all but it definately seems to reduce the craving for codeine! Swim isnt really sure if she is taking the right amount (about 10 capsules, swim found some herbal capsules in house that she emptied contents out of and is using these....they are 000 size) but its helped swim lessen the amount of codeine she takes in a day.... Swim has seen clonidine mentioned many times on DF and wonders if...
  18. OMG I finally feel GOOD again!!! - Part 2

    day 20, thanks and clean warm fuzzies to my inspiration from you all. Every day seems to get better and better. AA [I haven't been to NA again yet] is all they have here mostly. This is an interesting story guys: When SWIM was prepped to leave the hospital 10 days after his OD and detox, the social worker and the SWIMs Doc came to his room. The Doctor wanted to put me into a voluntary State run prison/rehab work program for a year, AWAY FROM MY FAMILY! FUCK THAT! I was really pissed....
  19. Some advice please on codeine quitting - Part 9

    Betsym it sounds like swiy is having to deal with an awful lot of pain which must make this process so much harder!! Swim also has pain to deal with but not as severe as swiys..... Swim has taken one dose so far today and is hoping to remain on 3 doses a day for a week before reducing it further...but Swim isnt very confident that this method will work and is seriously considering cold turkey.....swim is working out how far she can get with the tablets she has left and can then work out a...
  20. Hi all..SWIM's codeine addiction - Part 5

    Hi everyone, SWIM has been a bad girl the last few days, with the partying of NYE SWIM just sort of avoided quitting the codeine. Swim has done quite a bit of the stuff the last few days and is feeling like hell. But... SWIM is going COLD TURKEY tomorrow. SWIM is armed with meds for the withdrawl(for anxiety, clonazepam.. for the diahreeah, DXM as someone suggested although plans to take it easy on this stuff because shes very sensitive, and lots of good non narcotic pain releivers. SWIM...
  21. OMG I finally feel GOOD again!!! - Part 1

    Day 19 off EVERYTHING and finally feel great again. I have converted to rather of a purist. That's what they call it in AA/NA when someone goes completely clean of all foreign substances. Excluding blood pressure meds and an antidepressant which are vital to my existence/health. I actually started restoring my 69 Chevy tonight FULL of energy. I am still going to meetings [AA] got a sponsor 2da and getting serious about working the steps. I don't give a shit what anyone says... Those rooms...
  22. descent into oblivion (coming off opiates) - Part 43

    Dawnie,Junket, LisaJ thank you for your kind words/support. Dave realizes the possible pitfalls of what he is currently doing,and knows where it could lead.He has put himself in the position where he would literally have to go out on the street and ask strangers for shit.He has never done that before(and doesn't think he could get away with it now).So he guesses he's safe for the time being(forever hopefully). good thoughts to all:thumbsup:
  23. Some advice please on codeine quitting - Part 8

    Well Swim managed to stick to her 3 doses today......with the help of some kratom.....swim took roughly 5mgs in capsules and though it didnt give her any "euphoric" feeling, it certainly staved off the longing to take them and thats just what swim needs at the moment!! Betsym, Swim has been searching on the Forum for codiene potentiators but there seems to be quite abit of conflict on the subject...it seems that potentiators work for opiates such as oxys or even tramadol but not...
  24. Pain pill kick-off - Part 4

    I'm coming up on +70 hours. Yesterday I felt good enough to walk around the block. I thought that I would really get alot better but I didn't. The cramping/shaking is driving me crazy. I started thinking that this thing is bigger and tougher than me. That was really scary because normally I'm kinda big and tough. I got in my truck and drove around for 2hrs on the dirt roads. That really occupied my thoughts and helped time pass. It also helped to get Lomotil in my system. I'm gonna...
  25. Patient X's Oxycodone Withdrawal Story - Part 45

    Thanks for the comments all :thumbsup: X has a bit of a confession to make, and will preface this by saying for some it may be too much information... - to celebrate his month off, he went to see one of his let's say "friends with benefits", a really great girl, with the express intention of re-entering the sexual arena, and it was a fantastic afternoon. He has not mentioned much of this before, but during his addiction, one or two typical opiate sexual issues were starting to crop up,...
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