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Blog Entries List

Blog Entries from community members

Support Fellow Members in Recovery

  • Oxy Bout. Round 6

    Df Community, Today is the day I truly get tested. The Re-up... Not going to lie pretty damn nervous about that. But I believe that I've put in the hours and days to hold out. My brain is just swimming with ideas. Also I don't know what it is. But my feet hurt! But mainly only the heel. And on the arch sometimes....
  • Since Saturday

    Today is Thursday, marking my 6th day clean. I've had a couple of cravings but I was able to keep my mind off of it by my work. I've been a little tired but I know that will get better with time.
  • Oxy Bout. Round 5

    Community, Wanted to start off by saying thank you to those who's have given any kind of comment, you guys and gals are awesome. Anywho's.... Day 6/7ish Finally maybe coming out of the worst of the storm. (Still in some sort of storm, just not the worst part) still dealing with horrible insomnia. Have to load...
  • A new life is born-Addicted to life: Restarting & Fighting spirit

    So I'm back, and I came with a new insight that I didn't have prior to this. I'm not perfect, nobody walking this earth surface is, that's a tough pill that I had to swallow in my life. Its not just me, I feel like deep down everyone wants to be perfect, not making a mistake, always being on time, always doing...
  • The big lie continues

    Here I am day 3 of the most abysmal attempt to quit the dope. It sounds so good to be clean and free, but I just can't seem to get out of my way. WHAT makes me think I can do this on my own? Oh,ya, my delusional thinking.. At what point did I think I was God, and just stop using? My ego haunts me daily. My...
  • Oxy Bout. Round 4

    DF Community, First off thanks Heart, and Aem. For the support and advice. Maybe when and if I can scrape together some cash I'll be able to get some extract. Anyways... Day 5 It's a very very late night and very early morning. Probably about 3 hours of sleep. If that. And the RLS is still just daunting. But I...
  • New life

    Today marks 2 days and I'm a little tired but I'm holding up! I'm on this path beacause I just don't get any enjoyment out of it anymore, a much needed change is in order. I'm glad I'm alive and well.
  • Oxy bout. Round 3

    Hello again Community, Yes still here. I was up at a wedding 800 miles away. Man that was a trip (without anything!) Day 4/5 so yes I'm still doing okay. The sleep has still been bad. But the RLS is still worse. I've been coping with the sleep due to Ambien. Which I really hate taking. Because I know of the...
  • Overthinking.

    Today I am going to touch the question that has been hounting me for years since I myself became a parent (Not the ideal one, I guess, but I am trying). Years ago on this forum was a thread with a question along these lines (Can not remember correctly): "Would you let your children get known to the drugs, be...
  • Every day struggle.

    So I decided to start a new journal, since my first was about my most recent relapse and I feel I'm past that head space. I last used in late March (opiates, anyway) and I've been doing fine staying away from them even though the cravings are still near constant. Buuuut, me being a moron I have gotten wrapped up...
  1. Goodbye day 8. Hello day 9!

    So I just officially finished my 8th day completely opiate free. I actually didn't even use any comfort meds at all this withdrawal. Just vitamins. Today was a good day. Music sounds amazing and I feel new. New energy, no anxiety, I feel.... happy. I was able to do a lot more today. I'm still getting goosebumps a lot and cold when I shouldn't be cold but so far so good. I'm so happy I'm on the other side of this. Almost done. Never again. I certainly don't feel like running a marathon. Easy...
  2. a jouney of dxm addiction and the struggle to be reborn

    My name is silas I’m a 20 year old male and I have been addicted to dxm for about 5 years now. The first time I used dxm I fell in love. I only took 8 coricindine pills and the experience wasn’t overly intense, but I was in love. Only 2 days later I repeated this dose only adding weed to the experience and I fell in love all over again. It was a week later when I showed these red pills to my best friend Dustin. Once again I only took 8 as did he we also smoked weed at the peak of our...
  3. Update on day 8

    Today is definitely a better day. My anxiety is almost non existent. I have a little more energy to do things than yesterday and I feel like this is almost over.
  4. Day 40

    Hey guys it's day 40 and I'm having a pretty blah day. I haven't been to the gym in a couple of days and I'm starting to feel like crap. I was supposed to go yesterday but I stayed home and took a nap instead. Then I said I would go today but, again, I stayed home and took a nap. I dunno if it's depression or what but I'm feeling less and less like doing anything. It's like it's a negative feedback loop: the less I do, the less I feel like doing. Granted, I had a really busy weekend running...
  5. Day 8

    I made it another day but last night was rough. I kept waking up drenched in sweat. But the weird thing is that it didn't start happening until day 6 and seems to be worse each night. I was sweating through the day since day 1 but not those dReanching night sweats. Shouldn't they be gone now? I was taking short acting oxycodone. Nothing long acting at all. Anyways. I'm having temperature control problems still. I'm hot then cold hot then cold. It's so annoying. Anyways I THINK I feel better...
  6. Made it a full week. Day 7 done

    Well it's been a week. Tomorrow is day 8 and I know I should be proud I made it this far, I am struggling really bad with this anxiety, which I don't normally have. It's horrible. I'm praying once again that when I wake up in the morning, it will be gone. Then again I've been praying for that since day 4, so I'm probably kidding myself. But I don't know how much longe I can deal with this debilitating feeling of panic setting in. It doesn't come in waves either. It's constant and all...
  7. Halfway through day 7

    I don't know why this is so hard. I feel like I've felt the same since day 4 through now. No progress. I hate this so much. I want to give up but I will not. I cannot go through this again. Opiate addiction is non sustainable financially for me so eventually I need to stop and I've already made it a week. Can't be too much longer can it? I'm still struggling to care for my children. I am so low right now.
  8. Day 39

    It's day 39 and I'm still clean. I've been feeling kinda shit today. I'm not sure what it is. I slept okay and everything. I just feel shitty. It's obviously not drug related but it makes me wanna do drugs. haha. I'm not gonna do drugs but feeling shitty is one of my triggers. I didn't goto the gym today so that might have something to do with it. I just didn't feel up to it. So, I spent the last 3 days with my dad. We had a lot of fun and did a lot - mostly eating out but it was fun...
  9. Feeling hotcold

    So i woke up this morning about 2 hours earlier than i normally do after going to bed about 4 hours after i normally do. Sheets drenched and boiling hot whilst freezing cold. I just keep saying its for the best and there is worse shit i could be trying to quit. Im taking the day off work today to file police report and iv booked a doctors appointment, im gonna be straight up with them and hopefully i can get some help quittng
  10. Addicted To Life: Day 15 Falls Just Mean Get Back Up

    so ive been involved with this battle of drugs for a very long time, as of right now its been about 2-3years. Though im still relapsing, im not quiting, theres nothing worse then quitting on yourself, that dissappointing feeling you get will follow you around for the rest of your life. For me, the dissapointment is just as bad a feeling as the guilt, and the shame, and id give anything to stay away from those two feelings, fact is id give anything to a normal functioning person in the world....
  11. Day 7

    Well I made it to day 7. First day back at work and I'm feeling like I can't do it. I am still having night sweats that keep me up at night, low energy and high anxiety during the day. I wish I knew how much longer this all would last.
  12. I made it through day 6

    Well I'm about an hour away from a full 6 days since my last dose of 90mg oxy last Sunday night. I can't believe I even made it this far with how I have been feeling. I'm not feeling as terrible right now but that could be because it's the end of the day. I seem to always feel hopeful at the end of the day because it's almost bedtime and I hope to wake up the next day with renewed energy. So far it hasn't happened but I'm hopeful tomorrow will be the day where the corner is turned. I will...
  13. Losing trust and gaining new health issues.

    It is saddening how addiction can change some peoples values and makes them do despisable things. First time get robbed by a person who I considered to be a friend of our family and who has been a friend of my husband since his childhood. Things have been quite bad lately.I thought that I am getting better, when I, in fact was getting worse. Few days ago I lost consciousness at my working place because of my crazy scadual, stress, not eating enought and drug abuse. I am considering seeing...
  14. Awesome timing! Not!

    So I just went up to the car to drive to the shop and get some milk for a coffee and some breakfast before work, they picked the best night! my cars been broken into, my change jar in the car, aux cord, pipe(lol) and wallet have been taken, no ciggies no coffee no breakfast no weed I'm gonna fucking kill the next person that even has the slightest thought of looking at me funny, So now I've gotta file a police report before someone files one against me for attempted manslaughter.
  15. Hot/cold/hot/cold/hot

    I'm in my bed at the moment in long pants a hoodie and 2 blankets sweating and freezing at the same time, I know I'm not actually cold and I shouldn't be roasting myself like this but it seems to be the only thing that helps? if I stand up and get out of bed I instantly start shivering like I'm standing naked on a windy hill. good thing this time is for good, I dont want to go through this shit again haha
  16. Day 2?

    So I woke up this morning and first instinct was to open my wardrobe and pull out the goods. little bit of a sinking feeling when you realise hey that wasn't a dream that I quit pot and I still gotta do this haha. My brains having a fight with itself trying to make up a list of reason why smoking is good but i'm not folding! Feeling super fidgety at the moment and can't focus on one thing to do but I have work in an hour so that should take my mind off it for a bit! The first night sleep...
  17. Made it to day 6

    Well I made it to day 6. I'm unsure of how I feel right now because I just woke up for the day. but at least I've almost made it a week! I called in sick to work today to give myself 1 more day to recoup. I am praying today is a good day though. That my anxiety doesn't overpower me again because it's been 4 days of that incapacitating anxiety and I can't take anymore.
  18. Quittin' Time!

    So its been 8 years since I started smoking pot, the first 2 years were the usual on/off, once every couple of weeks with friends as a fun thing. then, as I finished school and got a larger income with more freedom I really let the usage go. I started smoking every day about 6 years ago but id say the last 3 years have been the worst. From what I've seen, I smoke a lot more than other people. I can knock down an ounce in 3 days 50/50 spun and having a bong is next to breathing now. I...
  19. Day 3 on medications, staying positive.

    just to update, the olanzapine is really doing a number on me, i get so damn tired, hits you instantly. so tough to get the sleep you need with a 2 year old , extremely demanding job. the depakote is making me extremely tired, and even nauseous at times, its powerful drug to have in your system, and taking on an empty stomach is not a wise approach. still losing the nicotine battle, but i cant lose focus, they hurt my throat since i dont the sleep i could really use. But thats ok, i know...
  20. Getting towards the end of day 5

    I don't know why but it's helping me post my feelings a bit. I'm having a hard time still. No motivation, no energy, high anxiety. But I did just get a job offer. It's a really good job offer. I'll be making more than twice as much as I do now gotta keep going because I have to pass a drug screen and would not want to start a new job when I'm going through this. I won't start for about a month so I have time to recover. I hope this ends soon though. I need myself back.
  21. Day 5

    Well I made it to day 5 which I haven't done in a while. Usually relapse on day 3 or 4 but I'm not giving up this time. I can't tell if I feel any better though. I just woke up and I don't feel great. I have to go back to work tomorrow so I hope things get better quickly. I wish I could fast forward time right now.
  22. I appear to have stopped using

    not sure what made it happen. It seemed like it was impossible, I was locked in, and there was no way out. But I got so fucking miserable and upset at myself for living in this disgusting way, being out of control, relying on disgusting poppy juice to survive, that I just stopped. I have some suboxone, ativan, and immodium and used a bit of each over the past 3 days, but withdrawal has been surprisingly light so far. I want to get into normal living again. Run every day have sex...
  23. A couple hours away from starting day 5

    So I don't know if it's in my head or not, but I feel quite a bit better than I did earlier. I took some vitamins, magnesium, passionflower, vitamin C etc. I don't know if that helped or that I'm just coming out of this withdrawal but my anxiety has lessened in intensity by a lot and I've been able to do more than the last few days over the past 2 hours. I don't feel like I'm dying anymore. I still don't feel good but I feel like maybe I can actually do this. I hope tomorrow brings more relief
  24. Day 37

    Hi guys. So it hasn't been a super busy day My cat woke me up at about 3;30am and I couldn't fall back asleep so I just surfed the web and drank coffee for the first part of my day. I went for a walk to the convenience store and got cigarettes. It's probably about a mile both ways. Not bad. Then I went to counseling where we talked about role personal strengths and role models, came home and passed out for three hours. So, what are my personal strengths? I'm a damn fine writer, if I may say...
  25. Making it through day 4

    Well my anxiety has lessened a tiny bit. I took a gabapentin hoping it would help and I think it has. I am still not good but better than on the verge of panic. I pray Day 5 brings relief