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Journal Entries

Support Fellow Members in Recovery

  • Few days post relapse, still bridging...

    I'm in a lot of pain today so it's going to be really hard to get through this day without getting high. Mentally, I feel better, Realized I had been skipping my psych meds a few days (sometimes I fall asleep without them) so once they were back in my system I stopped cycling through my moods so badly. I still...
  • Try try and try again

    Sorry for the long time away. Last few months been rough. My girl was away in Cape Town SA for a month and I had tried to get clean. Cut off my morphine script and my girl got clean and cut her buprenorphine script. The month she was away was one of the worst for me. I'd do a few days clean them smash it for a...
  • About 20 days clean...cool.

    Well, the title says it all. I'm 20 days clean. Think I may even go to a meeting in a couple weeks and get a 30 day clean token. I don't really feel like I need HA (it's like NA but specifically for opiate addicts) but I like the support and I enjoy the stories and feeling like I can relate to people. I've had a...
  • day 2 again

    On day day 2 and feeling okay. Dizzy from all the meds and the gf is suffering more than me, not clucking just the drugs hit her harder and she suffered bad memory loss. I think we both double dosed last night and it all got a bit weird While she slept I was seeing friends of mine sitting in the chairs...
  • It's a new day, right?

    Bravo to me for sleeping through the night and not waking up shaky or sweaty, just sneezy. Still feeling kind of the same, though. Wanting to get high is a feeling I'm not sure will ever leave me. At least I've never gotten clean long enough for the feeling to go away. I'm trying to force myself to be more active,...
  • The hell of cravings

    I really regret what I did today. Yesterday I was craving like a mad.Like I could crawl up the wall from the intensity of these cravings. Today they were even worse, so I just picked up the phone (And deeply regretted it a second later). These cravings are even worse than withdrawals.I do not know how to get rid...
  • Addiction, social stigma, withdrawing

    Today I was looking at myself in the mirror while having these stupid involuntary withdrawals who even would not be there if some people would pick up the phone (Whatever). And I was thinking if I would even care to quit if there would not be this social stigma (I caught myself actually caring less and less about...
  • 3 Days til Detox..

    Today has been rough. My brother who has lived with us and is an alcoholic relapsed again Saturday. Time and time again we have told him he cannot stay here if he drinks. He gets out of control and looses everything in a very short amount of time and I am left to clean up his wreckage. Well yesterday I noticed he...
  • definitely feel better today!

    But it took me six days from that massive cut I made last week! no more of that.. on monday I will make 200mg cut and feel how it feels.. I hope I can cut more then 200mg a week.. I just want this shit overwith.. But cant be totally nonfunctional like I been these days either.. I got a pair of studiograde...
  • About relapse, beauty and freakshows...

    Today is just one of these days when I would like to stay permanently high for the rest of my life and float in the air in my little private wonderland with my drugs and needles, and other beautyful things.Meanwhile I know that I am in a really dark and fucked up place at the moment.Ironically, but I have this...
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