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Journal Entries

Support Fellow Members in Recovery

  • A seemingly unanswerable relapse experience

    My turtle went through a horrendous drug addiction involving opiates in any form and methamphetamine as well. My turtle got his act together for a solid three years. Well, over the past year or so, he has began using again. He uses the same drugs as before. The oddity here is that for some reason, after being clean...
  • Day 8 - every day is a fight but I'm still here

    Alright, well I somehow made it to day 8 - why is everything feeling worse and harder then last time? Maybe it's just my brain telling me that, so that I will give up. No fucking chance! I've had a couple urges come up but it's been pretty easy to fight them off I found a really useful tool during one of the SMART...
  • Day 2. Feeling good physically and some not so good news

    I just wrote an entry and accidentally deleted it.:D Physically I am feeling quite good. I am wondering about it, because normally it tooks about a week to get back to normal. I guess weather the vitamin compley I took yesterday in double doses have some good outcome or are there still some drugs left in my veins....
  • Why is it so hard for me to quit?

    I am just wondering, why? Why exactly this thing? Willpower? Maybe. But then again, I have been through things that really takes a strong willpower to get over them. Why is this a problem for me? Like I can pass an exam (And force myself to actually do it) in the same day I have had a heart attack , but I can...
  • I don't want to end it that way!

    This morning happened something quite terrible- I had so severe pain in chestbone and back that I could not even get into sitting position in bed. The worst part, since I could not move and was alone at home, I could not even call ER, because my phone was right across the room and unreachable for me.I realised that...
  • Day 9 - My mind feels clear

    I took some benzos last night and actually had really good sleep - I wont be taking them again for sleep until probably next week, if I need to. I needed one night of good sleep, I feel like it can keep me going. Not feeling too bad this morning actually on day 9 - have a shit ton of things to do today, that little...
  • Void.

    How do you fill the void? I am trying to stay clean, but I feel like that there is like some kind of void. And I do not know what to put in the place where drugs have been (are?) In my life.How to replace them.Nature does not like the void, you know.And I am affraid to replace one bad habit with another. I just...
  • A Leap of Faith: My Tale, Part 11

    Keri met me at the airport. I was scattered, confused, but glad to be off the plane. She was the same thoughtful, helpful person as she was online. We drove to Livonia to her home, my new home. It was not what I expected at all. In many ways, her house was the opposite of what I was used to. Because of the...
  • Nothing important

    I did it- I forced myself to go to uni and interract with all these people even while withdrawing nasty, feeling terrible physically and having pupils like I would be trippig on LSD ( I hope no one noticed). I just have to get over this physically uncomfortable stage. Hope that tomorrow I will feel better. At the...
  • My vicious cycles.Wellcome to my nightmare :D

    Today is pure torture. Withdrawing again. I should have stayed to this one gram yesterday, who made me to take more, besides spending biggest part of my sellary on different useless shit ( I am very angry to myself about this today)?But I guess, yesterday I just were not in my skin because of all this funeral...
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