As you all know, I read this on the bathroom wall while leaving a dump:
Where do I start? I start at the beginning.
I found MXE to be 1) FUN 2) an anti-depressing agent 3) a pain reliever for a ruptured disk in my spinal column that I would opted to use instead of opiates. 4) A drug that allowed me to be the beast I am in the bedroom due to the numbing of the pain in my back and the de-sensationation of the penis, no matter how throbbing hard it got.
Tonight, the drug I nicknamed "floaty" floated down the drain. Roughly 10g of it.
This substance provided relief to me to with my back pain when used therapeutically by using it in a manner where I am not taking enough to make it psychedelic in nature, based on my tolerance after 2 years of use.
Throughout those two years of nearly constant daily use, I had a handful of experiences where I had re-dosed in a disassociated state that equated to too much MXE in my system. This exasperated the effects of the drug from therapeutical functional state to a psychedelic disconnect from the brain that I can only say, is scary, death defying and spiritual in nature.
It isn't hard to do enough MXE to think you have died, get hit with brain slaps that make you think you are living in a repetitious reality loop and to think that this is what life is, a loop or doing the same things over and over. Very few of you can relate to what I am saying, those that can, I would love to hear your responses and experiences if they are similar.
This is the best I can explain my negative experiences while on the legal drug MXE; in my part of the world.
Living in a disassociated state is not ideal, but for someone who is disabled with little responsibilities; when you look at the reality that is occurring in the U.S and other parts of the world, it doesn't take much for you to want to escape from reality. For much of the past two year binge MXE was used in a manner where I can still function, but be numb to my physical pain, and emotional pain caused by family matters.
Tonight was the straw that broke the lions back. It's time to close this chapter of MXE use and stick with sticky green and good ol' social EtOH on rare occasions to cope with boredom and monotany of a sober life.
So I directed my loved one to dump the remaining 10g in the toilet and do the flush. 10g in the toilet is well worth getting back to reality. The relief MXE gave me from chronic back pain is much better than any prescription drug or injected steroid I have had endured years of use from. I have had epidural injections in my bottom vertebrae, on both sides which worked; but for only one to two months at a time before the relief wore off.
Within the 2 year binge there were a few 1-2 month breaks in between; generally when I had to be a parent as I see my child a fraction of the year. That may change very soon for the better. This was usually after the steroid injections. I didn't feel the need to use MXE during these times, but the anti-depressant effects surely contributed to a psychological addiction to the drug that left me wanting it from time to time. All mental, nothing physical, opposed to opiates. When the epidural wore off, it would get to the point where I would wake up in so much pain it was almost second nature to reach for the straw and beaker filled with a few grams of MXE and "get right" to start my day.
I would never advise anyone to eyeball dosages and for the first year or so I used a very precise analytical balance to keep tabs on my intake and the biological response received from MXE as well as its interaction with other prescribed drugs. After a year of this I could eyeball a dose with ease. This isn't advised, but again, I am not your average drug user. I fancy myself as a human digital scale of sorts having worked with so many chemicals over decades of chemistry exposure I am pretty accurate when I see a mound of a given known substance and call out a weight and throw it on a scale and be very close to the actual weight of those known substances.
My final points here: There comes a time when you have gotten all that you can from a drug. When you see your life flash before your eyes, you know it's time to do the dump. I have done with it other drugs, and now it's MXE's turn and I feel empowered and optimistic that the future is going to be filled with natural substances the earth provides. DMT once or twice a year, pharmahuasca style is safest in my opinion and a great drug to deal with PTSD and depression for a few weeks at a time, which I have.
Cannabis, just a great substance all together and while it doesn't do what MXE does to me for my ruptured disk, it helps, in a noticeable manner. If it was cheaper, I never would have stuck with MXE. 300 bucks for 25g of MXE lasts a few months between two people, 300 bucks of cannabis will be gone in a month. If I was rich, I would have chosen differently, and lived the last 2 years in a healthier manner.
Who knows the long term effects that MXE use over 2 years will present in the future. I am not too worried about it. I am very intelligent individual and I think I will only build upon that as I take care of my body with plenty of supplements, as I used religiously during this 2 year bender. Mentally, I will be fine in two days and the cravings for MXE will a fleeting thought over time.
I don't want this post to serve as an advertisement that, "Hey, this guy did nearly a quarter pound of MXE over two years and he is still alive so it's safe!" While I will always remain firm in that MXE is the diamond in the ruff when it comes to the research chemicals that have hit the market over the past few years; I believe it is a drug with actual medicinal benefits. I believe there are two many stupid people in the world that don't possess the knowledge I know about biology and how to compensate for the nutrients depleted to walk away from this after 2 years, in the clear. If they even make it that long..
With this being said, I learned about MXE here at DF. It helped me, and it almost killed me on a few occasions due to the excessive amounts I had on hand and combining it with other drugs that act on GABBA receptor sites, I really rolled the dice with this drug.
This drug can really spiral your life out of control if you are not a well rounded intelligent individual. I love it, but as of today, some fish may have a good time if they are biologically susceptible to its effects as it has has been flushed down the preverbal toilet. That toilet.. it really can help an individual take a step in the right direction and get their head straight.
Love you guys, hope this post helps others who may be caught up in the same cycle. Perfect timing in my humble opinion, it's time to step up to the plate and be the man I was destined to be. The father to a great child who I hope to be seeing on a constant basis, rather than 10% of the year. MXE was a great way to block out that emotional distention.
I'm still going to play World of Warcraft like a champ, but from now on, I will be more clear headed and play like a Boss.
Thanks China, for keeping me numb for the past 2 years, I believe it didn't dumb me down any, but it certainly helped me not be so cranky due to sciatic nerve pain. It also gave my girlfriend 120 minutes of pleasure as a numb throbbing cock is a girls best friend and the amount of orgasms I gave my woman... psh.. so so many. MXE+SEX.. will miss that, but why not cum 4 times every 30 minutes instead of once every 2 hours?
Prepare for a more clear headed, more helpful helper. Just give me a few days to get this shit out of my system and the baked helper will be back in time.
I accidentally forgot to post the last part of this anecdotal confession I read. I think it's important to note, for tolerance data, only slight effects felt at 75-100mg, 100-200mg was a very nice therapeutic dose. 400mg, to disconnect from reality. If I were to undergo emergency surgery (for whatever reason) I often wondered if the anesthesia an anesthesiologist would use in such an event, would even be effective at normal dosages. Being a biochemical neighbor to ketamine, which is used in a lot surgeries, could result in a painful situation if that info was not able to be passed on to an anesthesiologist. I mean, how do you have back surgery and explain to an anesthesiologist that there is this drug, methoxetamine, that might have a cross tolerance to the drugs you plan on using? That's an awkward conversation. A year or so and that probably won't be a worry. Maybe even 6 months. Who knows, I have yet to find an answer to this question.
So I am just going to be hooked on hydro from now on. All green baby! Besides, I also get high off just being me. It's pretty cool knowing you can easily make nearly any drug you want, but have no desire to. Just that power in itself is a high itself.
Peace Love and Light
~Some guy who likes to write things on walls.