I have seen a couple of posts today Where stimulant - specifically meth - addicts are reaching out. They are reaching out for other people that use like they do. Others, that are “functional”. They want friends that are not bottom-of-the-barrel users. Friends that are not sketchy and criminals...they want to talk to someone that looks likes them.
What I can’t figure how out to convey to these fellow addicts is this...you are looking in the mirror when you see “those people”.
These people that don’t quite meet your using standards, it’s you in two years, a year, more likely? Give it six months.
They are you, a little bit ago. They never wanted this. They never, in a million years, thought that they would be what You can’t stand. They don’t belong here. Any more than you do.
But, let me tell y’all a little something. You are HERE. You have something they didn’t have. You can read all the posts and journals and comments that show you how this yellow brick road ends.
I don’t care how functional you fancy yourself. I don’t care how you get through the day and convince yourself that you’re not “that guy.”
I promise that you are one, two, maybe even three steps away from being the exact person that, right now, you wouldn’t even allow yourself to hang out with.
If you are looking for people like you.
People that use responsibly, people that have full time jobs, people that raise their children, people that take care of their elderly parents, people that have full dating lives, people that have an education, people that run businesses, people that own businesses.
From experience, I can tell you this. If you’re looking for someone like you; if you’re looking for someone that can use like you do, you have already crossed the line.
Is it only when addiction has become apparent, when addiction has set in, that we start looking for others that look like us. That mirror us. We are looking for someone, something, anything that justifies what we have become.
It’s so lonely in the in-between.
When it’s not casual usage anymore, but, you’re not the sketchy tweak freak outside the corner store either. You’re in-between.
You can’t stay sober, but you also can’t admit that you’re stuck.
The in-between is so damn lonely.
If you’re here. If you are one of the members that posted recently looking for friends that look like you. That are “functional meth addicts”. Please stop now. No one looks like you. Not even you.
If you’re looking for someone that looks like you. You’re looking for a ghost.