Addiction is Lonely

By Melbug99 · Aug 6, 2018 · ·
  1. I have seen a couple of posts today Where stimulant - specifically meth - addicts are reaching out. They are reaching out for other people that use like they do. Others, that are “functional”. They want friends that are not bottom-of-the-barrel users. Friends that are not sketchy and criminals...they want to talk to someone that looks likes them.

    What I can’t figure how out to convey to these fellow addicts is this...you are looking in the mirror when you see “those people”.
    These people that don’t quite meet your using standards, it’s you in two years, a year, more likely? Give it six months.

    They are you, a little bit ago. They never wanted this. They never, in a million years, thought that they would be what You can’t stand. They don’t belong here. Any more than you do.

    But, let me tell y’all a little something. You are HERE. You have something they didn’t have. You can read all the posts and journals and comments that show you how this yellow brick road ends.

    I don’t care how functional you fancy yourself. I don’t care how you get through the day and convince yourself that you’re not “that guy.”

    I promise that you are one, two, maybe even three steps away from being the exact person that, right now, you wouldn’t even allow yourself to hang out with.

    If you are looking for people like you.

    People that use responsibly, people that have full time jobs, people that raise their children, people that take care of their elderly parents, people that have full dating lives, people that have an education, people that run businesses, people that own businesses.

    From experience, I can tell you this. If you’re looking for someone like you; if you’re looking for someone that can use like you do, you have already crossed the line.
    Is it only when addiction has become apparent, when addiction has set in, that we start looking for others that look like us. That mirror us. We are looking for someone, something, anything that justifies what we have become.
    It’s so lonely in the in-between.
    When it’s not casual usage anymore, but, you’re not the sketchy tweak freak outside the corner store either. You’re in-between.
    You can’t stay sober, but you also can’t admit that you’re stuck.
    The in-between is so damn lonely.

    If you’re here. If you are one of the members that posted recently looking for friends that look like you. That are “functional meth addicts”. Please stop now. No one looks like you. Not even you.

    If you’re looking for someone that looks like you. You’re looking for a ghost.

    About Author

    Melbug99
    I am a 42-year-old women, living in Texas. I am dealing with empty nest as my amazing kids have gone off on their own.
    I accomplished four years sober; however, I recently relapsed and it was during the worst of it that I found this site and I reached out and I decided to return to sobriety. Telling my story helps me. It keeps me accountable and it forces to stop for a moment each day and look at where and how I am.

Comments

  1. Nosferatus
    I would strongly disagree with you, while an individual may choose to compromise their own beliefs and morals, whatever habit they've developed isn't responsible, they are.
  2. Gingerjen
    I appreciate you sharing. And you are 100% right, but it still doesn't stop most people (including myself) to find forums like this. I' am 49 yrs old and have been a meth addict for past 26 yrs. Actually stayed clean from meth for 1 year and was pretty happy to get my 1 year chip at AA. But when I got that chip, it was for being clean from "meth"- Drinking wine became my new crutch. I am not an alcoholic, mainly because I don't like to get black out stupid drunk. My mother is an alcoholic and I don't have tolerance for the way she is.
    Since I just found this group, I may/may not post stuff but I just wanted to say congratulations and best wishes in your recovery. I can only pray I find faith and hope in myself very soon. God bless!!
      Smeg likes this.
  3. latenightdreamer
    While I'm not sure I 100% agree with everything, there is definitely truth to what you're saying and it should give people pause for thought.

    I think most users have experienced crossing micro lines they told themselves they wouldn't cross. Probably more than they care to admit. I'll only use on weekends, never more than 2 days in a row, never in the house while my kids are here, never before I go to work, never at work, never IV, etc.

    But, having people that you actually connect with and trust to use with is very different to random party mates or the dodgy people at your dealers house. It also can be someone to talk to when you struggle or point out if you are starting to take things to far. I have a couple of people now but the period that my use got bad was on my own during a rough patch. For me that made it much worse and I may have had a better outcome if it things were different.
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