I'm writin this entry on the job during my breaks. I'm thinkin this should be the final entry in this, my 2nd journal.
I do believe the toad who walks on two legs has overstayed his welcome and, judgin by the DF guidelines in regards to journal scribblin, the toad no longer meets the criteria to participate in this area of the site.
I don't wanna be breakin anymore rules, or bendin them, or paintin graffitti on them or drivin my truck back and forth over them or settin them on fire, etc. I understand the rules and why they exist. They make sense. And they're necessary.
Journals are for documentin the course of recovery from addiction. I can't truthfully claim to be in any kinda way, shape, or form of recovery right now, nor have I been in quite some time.
I have no right to post my crap alongside entries written by good and decent people who are in active recovery.
I did two months clean off meth and opioids in May/June of last year. I did another two months clean off meth while I was absent from DF. During neither of those periods was I ever truly drug-free, except for bein off the hielo. At the very least, I was smokin weed.
I don't think relapse, which is an accepted aspect of recovery, quite describes the state of my disease. So I need to go. Hopefully i'll be comin back soon cuz I don't know how much longer I can live like this.
Don't y'all get too damn happy. I ain't leavin DF. I'm just not gonna post journal entries until I begin takin some positive constructive steps toward higher ground. Nuf sed.