All You Have To Do Is Breathe

By Rinem · Jan 10, 2018 · ·
  1. January 10, 2017

    I’ve had thoughts that I might be out of control with Kratom, and I knew I couldn’t take it forever. I managed to put those thoughts out of my mind with another dose every time, until yesterday. I can’t tell you what happened, but all day, no matter what I took, I was achingly depressed, and crying for reasons I didn’t know.

    That evening I was lying on my bed, too depressed to move, (those of you who’ve experienced depression or depressive episodes know what I mean). I knew I used to have times like this before Kratom-and knew how to deal with them-but now I’d successfully avoided intense feelings like this for so long I didn’t have a clue. It was then it clicked for me that Kratom was doing me more harm than good at this point. I was terrified to get off-I am terrified to get off. But I have to.

    Today I told my psychiatrist what was going on. He wasn’t happy I’d been taking it all this time and hadn’t told him, but he agreed to see me in two weeks rather than four, and told me I could do this. He said to not struggle against the chaos as it unfolds, but let it happen. And that all I had to do in any given moment was/is breathe.
    I reminded him I have asthma, so I kinda suck at breathing, and he said that wasn’t the point, (which I knew).

    Today I’m taking an inventory of how much Kratom I generally take a day, then I’m going to start going down tomorrow. I’m scared out of my mind, but trying to breathe without having an asthma attack. Wish me luck please and any advice is appreciated.

    About Author

    Rinem
    I am female, almost thirty, and live in Mississippi, USA. I’m Buddhist, have two cats, and when I can rent a more pet friendly house, (and have more money from not having to buy drugs!) plan to get a dog and a tortoise. I have PTSD, General Anxiety Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder.

Comments

  1. Mingo123
    "Kratom" reminds me of the stuff that weakens Superman - Kryptonite. I know not the same stuff, but Kratom is hurting you. Best wishes going through the withdrawal process. It is not fun and requires a great deal of work. Sounds like you have some kind of support system - hope he is a supportive doctor! Your diagnoses tell me that you have had a rough life. For me the withdrawal process was hard, but then the aftermath was even harder as it became important to deal with STUFF in order to stay off drugs. Be gentle to yourself; you've been hurt already too much. Again, GOOD LUCK and may karma shine with you.
      Peridot13 and Rinem like this.
  2. Rinem
    @Mingo123 Thank you. I needed to hear that. I’ve been beating myself up a lot today.
    Namasté
    (I honor the light in you that is also in me.)
  3. Kremnitzer robert
    I'm new to this forum I'm a 43 yo I've been on and off drugs all my life I had a severe back injury as a carpenter avoided surgery for many years just drank the pain away until I developed Crohn's disease with it the pain was way more intense dealing with both the pain meds started with tramadol the Norco oxys Percocet Dilaudid methadone and I'm currently on pain management with fentanyl have experience with it just really want to get away been out for a week and I'm trying kratom the red dragon have had red Bali but heard this was stronger need something to take care of pain and the anxiety of wd anyone have any experience on this
  4. Britt B
    Kratom is a wonderful plant, in my experience. One has to treat it with respect in regards to usage. It's helped SO many of my friends and family and especially my veteran friends. Us who have served. It helps me with my back pain and my injury. It's the same thing as smoking weed everything in moderation and everything within reason. I'm currently a senior in college about to graduate with a substance abuse counseling degree. Kratom helps me with my anxiety and my depression and especially my PTSD. Also my back pain. A lot of people will talk about it not having done the research or even taken it before, let alone will talk out of the side of their mouth or in an uneducated manner. That kind of drives me bonkers. It's up to the individual to be a responsible kratom user. Regarding heroin and other opiates, since I just celebrated 22 months ; I would take Kratom any day over any of that terrible crap.
      Mingo123 likes this.
  5. Britt B
    One more thing, I've known people that have taken Kratom for 7, 8 years - never had a problem. Self accountability is key. I think that if it turns into a negative experience for anyone, than removing it from one's life just makes sense. One should feel good about what they are putting into their bodies.
  6. Rinem
    @Britt B Absolutely. I’m not against Kratom because I lost control. There are people who can take it for years-probably all their lives-and be fine, as long as they are careful. I wasn’t.
    1. Britt B
      I'm glad you can admit and you know yourself. I wish I could help or give you a hug, lol. Much love and support dear
  7. Rinem
    @Kremnitzer robert
    You should look somewhere else on the forum for Kratom, not on someone’s recovery journal of getting off of Kratom. Try going to the Menu, search, type in Kratom, see what comes up. If it’s a journal about getting off Kratom, don’t use it. There are plenty of other places to ask. I’ll try to help, just don’t do that on anyone else’s recovery journal, okay? It could be extremely triggering for them.
    Okay, so a lot depends on where you’re getting your Kratom. There are great places, there are bad places. We’re not allowed to promote places on here, but I think it’s okay for me to say research hippos. What works best for pain, definitely red veins, and I’d say Bali, Borneo, or Sumatra. You can also mix them together to get stronger effects. But be careful, don’t take it every day, don’t get addicted.
  8. Rinem
    @Kremnitzer robert Also red Maeng Da. That’s the highest painkilling Kratom I’ve encountered. Just a little will work though, and if it’s too stimulating/makes you feel crazy with all the energy it gives you, you can mix it with something that’s more sedating.
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