Back on the wagon after 4 week relapse, just popped an antibuse - Part 6

By oldscratch · Feb 17, 2015 · ·
  1. Hi Kitts. Yes 8 weeks is scary but I have done it before. I have been on a meditation kick lately. Of course the booze has been getting in the way a bit. I have read that you start seeing some real changes in brain structure after 8 weeks of meditating so that is why I chose that number.

    The whole "just stay sober today" concept never made much sense to me. I always felt it was just a kind of mental gymnastic act people did... The side note is always there that you can never drink again.

    I have been on again off again with SMART for a while. Was going to local group meetings for a while. I plan to start spending some time with their on line group again. Maybe go to some meetings again. We will see. I want to be alcohol free, but I want to be happy too. So far abstinence has not given me "happiness" just less misery, if that makes sense. Unfortunately I can't say groups like SMART or AA have offered me much as far as happiness is concerned.

Comments

  1. Kitts
    Hey Scratch,

    Are you finding meditation to be a big help? I would really love to start meditating. I keep telling myself I'll do it and I never do. I nearly enrolled on an 8 week mediation/mindfulness online course thing. But I lost my nerve when I realised it required half hour a day.

    You're right about the mental gymnastics act. :thumbsup: It really is like that sometimes. Although I do really mean it when I tell myself I can use "later" if I want. I have always kept it at the back of my mind and fallen back of it in bad times. I still drink, but I can keep control of it. Although I do feel sometimes it's like holding a tiger by the tail.

    You sound very strong and determined. Sometimes the bigger the screw up, the longer it will keep you away from going back. The last relapse I had has still done enough damage to be pretty big in my mind. How do we keep that from fading? Perhaps you keeping a journal here, and writing regularly might help. I know it's helped me a lot.

    How are you today?
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