Back on the wagon after 4 week relapse, just popped an antibuse - Part 7

By oldscratch · Feb 17, 2015 · ·
  1. Kitts, I am new to meditation, but I do think it is helping me. I had a birthday recently. I always use that as an excuse to get high on something I don't usually do. Last year it was coke. This year I was planning on trying DMT. Then I was on a mental health forum and someone recommended the book "Waking Up" to me by Sam Harris. I read it and found it very interesting. Harris talks about dzogchen in the book a lot, which is a Tibetan Buddhist practice. As it turned out there was a dzogchen retreat near where I lived on my birthday weekend! So I dropped my plans to get high and went and did that instead. I wanted to commit to something like that so I was immersed and couldn't just get bored and drop it. I want to really give it a chance so now seems like as good a time as any.

    I've haven't had a bad screw up in a long time. But there have been times when I looked back on a situation and realized I had come close. I have had 2 dui's, been in jail, in fights etc so I know what a bad screw up feels like. I never want to be there again.

    I guess I am doing this 8 weeks of abstinence thing as a kind of mental gymnastic. On the other hand if I truly do only drink once every 2 months I think I would be comfortable with that.

    Writing here does help. Its great to know when I need to vent and need some support it is right here.

    Today I am good, and optimistic. I will be posting more. Thanks for your replies!


  1. oldscratch
    No drinks since sunday so almost a solid week behind me once again. Did pop an anabuse to make sure I don't slip over the weekend. I feel like such an addict when I have to do that...Oh well ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
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