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Being Sober Fucking Sucks

  1. I posted a while ago, about an opiate habit I developed after my Mum passed away.
    I'm still sober, I guess it's kinda going on two months - I'm not counting the days. There was a slip up where I found 80mg Oxy. I looked at it for a while, which I thought only happened in movies, trying to take in what I saw. I thought, "holy fucking shit, I can spread this out 10mg a day and feel kinda good for 8 whole days."

    Did I Fu**.

    I took the 80 in a day and felt great but then it was over, and whoop teee fricking doo i'm back to whatever this is. This 80mg thing happened maybe two weeks ago, again, I have no idea as I don't tend to count the days.

    I've been taking Sertraline 100mg to try to cope with the despair of general life. I basically started taking opiates as a large supply was left over from my Mum, who was my best friend and she died of cancer before she was 50. She's been dead two years now. I've been pretty wasted that entire time. Today on my way to the gym I walked past the cancer ward I took her to for her first chemo session, and I wanted to break down and bawl my fecking eyes out. I didn't, since I was in public and that would be inappropriate.

    Basically what I am asking, what I need, what I want... Is how the hell people manage to not buy a baggie when you realise that you start feeling emotions and you can't take it. How do you live sober? It's hard man. I don't know how I did this before.

Comments

  1. mykaloo
    dopamine gone. life sux, i suggest you drink alot of water, eat healthy, hot showers/ walks, and plenty of sleep. It gets better in time. oh and good music helps too, something that doesn't make you wanna use.
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