Hello, g'day, Nin Hao, Wominjika, Ciao, Bonjour, Hola, مرحبا, annyeonghaseyo;
And everything else.
so the brief backstory
For about 5 or so years now, I've been on some form and dose of benzodiazepines daily; or nearly.
After a benzo withdrawal related grand mal seizure followed by a mandatory trip to the psych ward (psychosis fuelled by a 5 day IV meth bender, heroin (was addicted and using daily) a shitload of alprazolam (holding back benzo withdrawals), ketamine and that's just what I remember before being in a booking cell; with my head in the toilet; unable to breath due to toilet water. Equally likely it was me or the cops doing the "halfway" drowning. (I have an interesting relationship with my old local cops "on the beat", where they would nearly always pull me over or search me; and be pissed off every time because I became somewhat of a "Stealth expert" as well as a complaint against a colleague of theirs via my mother as a 14 year old for excessive force.
The psych ward psychiatrists told me not to stop taking clonazepam and olanzapine.
The olanzapine dropped off, I was no longer psychotic; the clonazepam didn't, I was still anxious as hell like I have been since unnofficially "diagnosed" with depression and anxiety at 8 years old (my childhood/adolescent psychiatrist didn't believe in anti-depressant or anxiolytic medication for minors; wish there were more like him)
back to the point
For the last 3 or so years I've been on 4mg Clonazepam daily (minimum, up to 6mg as needed, also abuse)
A few days ago I started a taper; I'm now on 3mg of Clonazepam and 10mg diazepam daily (ashton manual based taper to 3mg)
Now even though I'm dropping my dose (equivalent and literal), I'm still starting to get some serious anxiety out of this. I often took larger doses of clonazepam (8mg-20mg) with alcohol to try and get any kind of buzz. Opiates/Opioids are still not worth doing without a benzo too (and I was daily IV heroin user, still to this day using IV heroin 3-5 days a week)
Now you'd think all the heroin and booze would halt minor withdrawal from benzo tapering; but it doesn't even help it.
This is early days, and I'm looking to moderate everything except for my daily cannabis use whilst tapering from benzodiazepines.
I'm lucky enough to have a good doctor and a schedule fitting both me and him (my doctor).
But I'd be lying if I tried to claim I wasn't addicted to not only benzo's, but alcohol, opiates/opioids, cannabis (Hash Oil and Flower), tobacco and caffeine.
But one step at a time, and I figure I want to get benzo's out the way before some of the more acute withdrawal methods associated with other drugs (I'm not going on opiate/opioid maintainence again, cold turkey for this idiot from now on) and alcohol I will likely need benzo's to be effective short term (in a detox facility) to get through withdrawals safely, as I'm quite prone to seizures.
So to get clean again, I have to knock benzo's away, and it's fucking with my head and body at such a minuscule dose drop.
ive been trying this for ages
Taper attempt number 4 as indicated in the thread title.
I'm fucking scared. Any tips or help would be appreciated.
Support, a story of your own; anything,
I feel very fucking alone.
My son has been uncomfortable to an extent around me since I started tapering; and I thought I was doing better with him during this period than I am.
He deserves better, he deserves my 100%.
I just don't know what to do.
Give me my acute heroin withdrawal over this headfuck anyday
Tips, comments, stories, ideas, links, criticism; all welcome. I'm getting off the fucking benzo's this time!
Anything to do it right.
And maybe my journey can help someone....maybe...
Thanks for reading, will update regularly if there's interest.
Benzo taper attempt #4. Clonazepam 4mg; here's hoping... - Part 1
- ashton manual
- benzo abuse
- benzo addiction
- borderline personality disorder
- downers recovery journal
- fear of fear
- generalised anxiety disorder
- heroin #4
- heroin addict
- major depressive disorder
- panic attacks
- panic disorder
- pharmaceutical drugs
- psychiatric disorders
- psychiatric drugs
- psychiatric side effects
- taper method
- taper schedule
- tapering from benzodiazepines