Amphetamines Addiction Journals

Post your Addiction recovery Journal for community support, advice and tracking progress.

  1. Sad and Lonely

    Lately, life has proven to be, Sad and especially lonely for me. I'm stuck in a rut, that cycle you know? Escaping gets harder the longer you go.. I don't know anymore what road I should take, I fucked up again and with my health at stake... I'm not angry I did it, no what scares me more, I feel tired and hopeless and empty at the core. I still can't comprehend how life could go, From bright and active to sickly and slow. I have hidden away, in my own secret world, The only place he will...
  2. Just Gone 5 Weeks

    Well, it's just gone 5 weeks since I made the decision to stop using meth. In that time I've ended up using again twice and went through the most hellish two weeks of my life; going through withdrawals and physically recovering from the drain of using nonstop for almost 12 months. I've also been emotionally and mentally unstable with unpredictable up's and down's which has proven exhausting. I can't believe how quickly this time has gone and that I'm here now and able to reflect back on...
  3. My Choices Today

    What I chose to do today to enable better tomorrow: The cash on hand I received for my housesitting this weekend I put in a savings envelope. I used to do this when I worked my casual cash in hand job in 2017. I was at uni full time and working anywhere between 10 - 20 hours a week. I saved over $2000 and kept the money in my bedroom the entire time. I never touched it once. The other times I recently got paid for this job I have wasted on drugs; the first on meth and the second for weed. I...
  4. Started again

    Like the title says. But I am not gonna beat myself up as I quit smoking cigarettes after forty years cold turkey and I think meth had something to do with it. I am not saying it’s a great route to go but it definitely helped. I didn’t have any withdrawals from cigarettes and for some odd reason I have been able to stay away even when previous triggers hit. So for that I am proud of myself. No more cigarettes after forty years of one plus pack a day. I will be stopping the glass pipe...
  5. My recent insight and subsequent concern into effects of my use and my willingness and strength to do better.

    22 years old, I often find that when I use meth, I actually get very open and reflective causing me a deep sadness about what I am doing to myself. It's almost a funny paradox like I use then I spend time in my head even in the initial high analysing myself and looking at myself in ways that would appear smart, however my actions remain the same and the end of the day and that needle full of glug is unfortunately driving me insane. I am starting to not make sense especially when on it and I...
  6. Feeling So Lost

    It's that feeling again, its sinking deeper into my chest. Feeling heavier with increasing depth. I've been so unwell. Sick again, flu virus out of nowhere. When it first came on at the start of the week, I felt really flat. I didn't make much of the morning as i flopped back into bed a couple hours after i woke up. I was dead to the world from about 1 that afternoon until 11 next morning. And I've felt miserable since. I've got a bit of energy back but a nice chest infection to keep me...
  7. My People Skills May Need a lil Work

    3-13-19 Howzitgoin, everybody! Bout 3 weeks ago I hadda $250 to have a new windshield installed in my '79 F-350 after my naber smashed it by heavin a decorative landscaping block thru it. He's a drinker but he can't hold his alcohol. Cops aint gonna do shit.8 I got ready for work late this morning cuz we'd hadda lil rain bout dawn, so it wasn't until 930-10am that I saw he'd done it again last night. Cops came out again and gimme another piece of paper. I was writing the above paragraph...
  8. If I Had My Chance Again

    If I had my chance again meth, I would never have inhaled that first breath. But you captivated my senses while stealing my soul, And every time I walk I still hear your seductive call. How can it be with all the filth that you are, Could make people kill just to get a little more? But still your corrosive and toxic nature, Greedily consumes one victim after another. When will you be satisfied you horrible demon? The rich, the young, the wise and the poor man , Doesn't matter who no life...
  9. Still on Struggle Street

    Still finding each day a challenge. I’m still so exhausted. Roughly 8 days now since I last used and I think my body is really struggling to readapt this time. It’s an effort to think about getting out of bed. I found myself dealing with pretty bad hayfever over the weekend too, and I’ve noticed that since it first hit on Friday afternoon, my energy has not been the same. It’s bowled me for 6, to say the least. Maybe my body’s copped enough blows now and already having chronic fatigue its...
  10. Write Up

    3-10-19 Howzitgoin? I blew thru 8 trees in just 2 days, movin fast, pushin hard, and I sustained lotta lil superfluous injuries, none of which meant shit, but the accumulation of which had me down for the count this morning. I overslept, woke up disoriented and groggy and stiff and sore, so I called my client to inform him that I'm takin the day off to regroup a lil bit. Fuck it. Last night I lost my internet and restored it this morning. I found myself wonderin if I'd be missed if i...
  11. Forgive Me Because I'm Craving For It

    Still feeling pretty average today, recovery wise. One of my nephews was around earlier today and we had a lot of fun playing dominoes with my mum and then we did some crafts together upstairs on my decking. I seem to have invested a lot of my focus and energy on revamping the setup going on up there this week. I re-potted a little pink Dianthus I bought from the local fruit shop yesterday into a bigger and nicer, permanent home. I already had a couple of potted Cordylines, an Aloe Vera...
  12. Blind Hog

    3-8-19 Howzitgoin, everybody! Today was my first day back to work in about 12 days. It's surprising how quickly I fall outta shape when I take time off work. I got banged up a lot today, smashed a couple fingers, took a shot to the head that rang my bell pretty good. But all in all it wasn't a bad day and it didn't totally suck. And that's cool cuz today I achieve one month's abstinence from the hielo. I guess even a blind hog finds an acorn sometimes. I had mentioned to somebody on here...
  13. Long Week

    It's been a shit week.... When I first got off the meth recently that first week or so, every night I felt troubled by a gut feeling that I was close to my last chances and it helped drive me on. I've not had any more since I fucked up last weekend but this whole week I’ve just felt so horrible. A lot of the time I seem to feel empty and lost optimism. It feels like how a comedown used to when I only used occasionally. Only it's a whole lot worse and lasting a whole lot longer... Plus...
  14. Write Off

    3-6-19 Howzitgoin everybody? I hope all y'all are havin a decent day that don't totally suck. My DOC has changed. I've actually remarked on the subject a few times lately. This DOC has an impact on pretty much all aspects of my humble existence and, in common with all of my chemical love affairs, it began years ago during my rebellious youth. It's a sporadic on/off, hot/cold, up/down kinda thing, sometimes servin as my DOC and other times rankin lower than the hielo, jalle, alcohol,...
  15. I Adore Wimmin

    3-4-19 I adore wimmin. They're beautiful and fascinating and complex and intriguing and infuriating and tantalizing and perky and indecisive and exhilarating and playful and inspiring and insolent and loveable and precious and unique and appealing and naughty and sensitive and frisky and courageous and confusing and bold and brazen and sassy and emotional and defiant and angelic and mezmerizing and exhausting and mysterious and sensuous and arousing and kind and insightful and nurturing and...
  16. Fucking Fool

    I feel like the biggest dumb cunt writing this and it’s hurting inside to bring myself to admit it. I made the decision to use today and I don’t even really know why. I didn’t get personally, after I made myself be cut off from the old sources, I can’t anymore. But I was able to get through someone else who got for me. And I am hating deeply for it. I was good and now I’m not. And I don’t know how. .. Why did I do it? I don’t fucking know. Did it feel good? Yeah wow the euphoria that...
  17. Words of Wisdom

    I found this pinned to a corkboard in the house I'm minding and looking after the pets for owners while they are away. My phone shat itself not long after I got here yeterday and being 50m from the beach and summer weather still hanging around, it was kinda nice and freeing to escape mobile madness for a bit and immerse in the salty, sunny and sandy goodness of this little coastal town. Bliss
  18. Neutral Buoyancy

    3-1-19 Howzitgoin, everybody? Good news: still off meth, comin up on 3 weeks. Smooth sailin so far Bad news: still on the jalle every day, which goes a long way toward explainin why I was able summarize the last 3 weeks off meth as havin been smooth sailin. Those jagged unpredictable emotional extremes that had me pickin fights in the grocery store during the initial phase of my may-june '18 short-lived escape from the hielo have been mostly eradicated thru judicious abuse of the jalle....
  19. Happy days

    Yay I start studying on the 12th March... I'm now enrolled and excited as all get out lol... I've also met someone, someone who I want to get to know and he feels the same. This next chapter of my life is going to be all about moving forwards and achieving my goals and living my life clean and helping others to do the same... I'm seriously loving life more and more the longer I'm clean, it's amazing... I am so so happy I made the choice to get clean and I make the choice everyday to stay...
  20. Meth, have you done this to me?

    Meth, was it you, have you done this to me? Poor nanna moved in, she's struggling to see, Frail and old and going crazy, thinks she's outside smelling the daisies. I offered to help, I promised I would, But horror & shock makes me unsure I could, Confronting it is being so raw to see, How scary it is when we lose our sanity. I'm trying to help but for some reason, I baulk, Perhaps it's how she fumbles her fork, Or could it be all her delusions that I see, Is what I'm terrified will become...
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