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Cocaine R&A Journals

Post your Cocaine & crack recovery Journal for community support, advice and tracking progress.

  1. Something is working

    Day 6 of my attempt to kick dope. Did .2 earlier this morning and I felt like total shit. As a matter of fact, I still feel like shit. I've had a better appetite and less desire to do the dope. I have asked God to intervene and help me to lose the desire. Is He really doing this? I know what I believe.. I have some symptoms of withdrawal this morning, but not enough to boot up any dope. I'll try and hold off until tomorrow. I found a needle drop in my area, and they were there until 6. I...
  2. I think I'm on to something...

    I think this is day 5 as yesterday I believe I was off a day when I posted. Normally I would correct any errors for fear of readers judging me on my mistake. Well, here's something that I'll be working on. The fact that I make mistakes and I need not worry about what people think of me and if I make a mistake. Oh the dread I suffer from the fear of judgement. What a waste of time and energy... I think I'll try and put that energy into something more positive. Like giving myself positive...
  3. The struggle is real

    Well I made it through the withdrawals!!! Yay!! All that is lingering are the hot flashes. Last night I had the incredible urge to go get a G, I had it thought out and all, but just reminded myself that I didn't go through this hell for "a break" or to give my nose a chance to heal, I did it because I WANT to QUIT!!! I know these urges will come and go and when they come that's when I need to be the strongest I can possibly be!! I'm about 75% back to my normal self and look forward to 100%....
  4. A new life is born-Addicted to life: Restarting & Fighting spirit

    So I'm back, and I came with a new insight that I didn't have prior to this. I'm not perfect, nobody walking this earth surface is, that's a tough pill that I had to swallow in my life. Its not just me, I feel like deep down everyone wants to be perfect, not making a mistake, always being on time, always doing everything correctly. But that's not a possibility, I have to learn how to get over it. Its not a big deal, just something hard to deal with. I'm so not perfect that I had relapses...
  5. Day 5 no cocaine

    Well today marks day 5!! So proud of myself. It's been a long time since I've made it this far. As of yesterday and today no cravings. The withdrawals are getting easier except for the amount of sleep! I can be watching TV and just fall right to sleep. Still no energy. But with time it'll return. This was the best decision I have made, not only for myself but fo my kids.
  6. Day 3

    Well today is day 3. It's 4pm and I'm starting to lose the strength:(. Yesterday my girls (after the arguing) they did a tremendous job in helping and the one did apologize. Right now it's like I'm so tired of feeling exhausted and just would like a few lines as a pick me up, but I know that's the drug talking. This is the one time I had my husband for support. That's it for now, I just had to right this down and hope that this works.
  7. still in the shit pit...

    Why can't i climb out of this hole im in? I'm ruining myself and I can see it. somedays I'm clean most days im not. I just feel so fucking stupid and helpless. I want help. I need help. I just don't know what to do. Wishing i could wave a wand and go back to who I was before this monkey climbed on my back. somebody save me.....
  8. Day 2

    Well today marks day 2. Usually by this time I'm already thinking about my purchase, and my head is clear right now!!! Last night one of my daughters came home from work and I was sleeping on the couch (slept all day) and she had made a comment " omg she's still sleeping", well that kind of bugged me. Yes I did put this on myself, but shouldn't she be happy that I'm making the decision to quit? Well I talked to her about it and the she says "why don't you just do it then" just because she...
  9. My recovery advice to others trying to quit their addiction based on my own experience

    First and foremost, you have to be absolutely 100% be ready to quit, you have to be fed up with yourself, angry at yourself, disgusted with yourself, you have to want change so much that it becomes your obsession or if you like your new addiction. Like anything, it starts in the mind. Secondly, support from others and purpose is huge I've found. Whether it's from a loved one or support group or whatever, we need support. It's your strength when you feel weak. A purpose to quit is equally...
  10. 10 days clean and feeling great - Long post with a lot to update, if anything just read the bolded paragraphs

    Hi all! I decided to hold off on the rehab retreat option. Few reasons being I don't want to be away from my partner and son for that long right now, I've got a commitment that requires me to be here so I can't take off for 4 weeks right now, and also the saving money aspect seeing as I'm currently not working. The last date I used was June 6th, I was really starting to feel like I was letting myself slip to a point of no return, I was letting my health go and stopped caring about my...
  11. Starting day 1

    So today will be day one of recovery!! My girls are standing with me! I hope to be productive and spend some time with my horse!! He is the best therapy. One day at a time!!
  12. addicted to life: day 20 work,work,work. i want it easy!!

    yeah everyday is work, yeah its awesome. But sometimes i just want shit to be easy honestly, sometimes i just wanna be there already, sober, with years of clean time, money, a successful happy life, and a very loving family, with no problems only complete udderly wierd happyness. But nope, everyday is work, and every new day is work. Sure i can take time off, but then what? im bored, and im using so id rather not. But i could take time off and do other fun stuff, yeah but then where the hell...
  13. Addicted To Life Day 17-19 Progression

    Reality hit me today for the first time while i was sober. I was watching a movie and the thought of being able to reproduce life came to my mind. The thought we as species on this earth can come together and create life is incredible, the thought that life is so random that we really dont have much of a say in what gender the baby will be, or how many babies will be produced at once. The qualitys that baby will have, is crazy how that new life is put together. Life is incredible. We have...
  14. Addicted To Life Day: 16 Energies

    What type of energy are you projecting today? double check, seriously! are you negative, are you positive, are you loving? are you hating? are you absorbing? what is your energy today expelling? If you walk around with a negative attitude, saying to yourself you cant do something for whatever petty excuse you've seemed to make up. What do you think is mostly likely going to happen, do you honestly believe that, if you think you cant do something, your going to get it done? How, how do you...
  15. Addicted To Life: Day 15 Falls Just Mean Get Back Up

    so ive been involved with this battle of drugs for a very long time, as of right now its been about 2-3years. Though im still relapsing, im not quiting, theres nothing worse then quitting on yourself, that dissappointing feeling you get will follow you around for the rest of your life. For me, the dissapointment is just as bad a feeling as the guilt, and the shame, and id give anything to stay away from those two feelings, fact is id give anything to a normal functioning person in the world....
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