Opiate Addiction Journals

Post your opiate / opioid recovery Journal for community support, advice and tracking progress.

  1. Day Two-Afternoon

    After my kratom dose this morning I slept pretty soundly until about 130pm. I woke up feeling a little achy and very hungry. I am trying to keep all of my meals very light and keep my stomach fairly empty. This is to help with nausea and the absorption of the kratom. I ate a few saltines and walked around my house for a bit. About 30 minutes after I ate the saltines, I took my next Kratom dose- another 4 capsules. (This was a about an hour and a half ago.) The head shop employee suggested...
  2. Day Two-Morning

    Last night was my first dose of Kratom. After my initial dose (4 capsules) I waited about an hour and a half then ate some soup and crackers. I waited another half hour or so and then took 2 more pills. Last night I got the most amazing sleep I’ve gotten in years. I normally take my methadone dose at 3AM daily. I slept soundly until a little after 6AM. I was a little achy but other than that no real symptoms. I took 4 capsules around 45 minutes ago. Again around 30 minutes after, I had...
  3. Day One- 1st dose of Kratom

    I took my LAST dose of Methadone at 3 AM. I worked all day and then stopped at a local head shop to buy some Kratom. I spoke with a very knowledgeable employee about the different types of kratom the shop had. The employee was a former heroin user and used kratom to kick it and still uses it currently. He suggested that I try the red Bali strain and explained the difference between the powder and capsules. I chose the capsules since I have a weak stomach and I know there is no way I can...
  4. Background-

    After using heroin for many years, I quit successfully 5 years ago with the help of methadone maintenance. I started at 30 mgs and got all the way up to 95 mgs which I found worked the best for me. I stayed on 95 mgs for around 3 years. For the last year I have been tapering down- 5 mgs every 2 weeks until I got to 20 mgs. I felt little to no withdrawal symptoms during that time. I stayed on 20 mgs for a month and then started to go down 2 mgs every 2 weeks. I started my 6 mg dose 5 days...
  5. First Entry

    Although I started the Methadone Maintenance Program at 40mg, I moved up often. Within about a month's time, I was up to my current dose of 100mg. I reduced my usage of Heroin during my time on MMT. Benzos* and psychedelics are just about the only illicit drugs I've used while on Methadone (*I have a script for benzos, but I ran out).
  6. Day 13.... wtf??

    Stuff had been going very well! I was feeling good. I had energy. I had no cravings. Day 10 hit and it always seems to be my low point. I’m not sure why. Well days 11 and 12 it has been like I’m back at day 3 or 4. Headaches, diarrhea, no energy, shakes..... wth??? Is this normal??? It’s tough. Especially as bad as the headaches are. I just want to go get a few pills to make it stop but I know I can’t!!! Any advice? Anyone else have a backslide???
  7. Me, myself and....

    Can you rely on yourself? I often wonder that sometimes about myself. I believe a lot of us think we can. That is a very popular thing this century is self-help,self reliance, and self indulging. Just look at Facebook. People literally spend hours upon hours focused on an internet page devoted to their self. It's crazy knowing people on Facebook or Twitter with 5,000 friends meanwhile the person would not have a true friend in the whole world. When I first quit meth, I...
  8. Depression

    So, no opiates, no stimulants, no alcohol, no nicotine. Just caffeine and panic attacks. Still not in the 4 hour prison but after a month and a half (approx....maybe 2 months) of no nicotine, I really want some fucking nicotine and am severely depressed.
  9. Depression After the Fact

    Hi everybody, Ive been living life (semi) clean since whenever this journal began (april?). Ive gotten past the acute symptoms, which everyone says arent as bad as we think, and moved on to the soul emptying depression that goes with quitting opiates. Everyday I get up with a giant list of chores to get done. When the evening comes I feel hardly more accomplished than I did in the morning regardless of my actions. Self doubt pervades everything. What no one told me was the false sense...
  10. How did I get here again???

    Well I’m on day 3 of detoxing from oxy again! How did I let this happen yet again???? I have so much going for me. The best thing is an almost 2 year old BEAUTIFUL boy. How is that not enough to fight these demons? I caught myself a week in this time. But not before I rocked out a hell of a binge. It’s like I do so good and then that lack of energy gets me and I just want to be back to being able to keep up. I’ve got to make this permanent. I’m sick of this shit! I’m sick of...
  11. employment opportunities

    As I sit here after a long day of work, I have my mind on someone. I have known this person for about two months. I know the old and healthy saying goes, "be in recovery for a year or more before you start dating". Which I agree with to an extent. But, yes there is a but,. She's my boss. So I don't know. We laugh and joke a lot. I know she is single and has one kid. I just think asking her out would be "not professional", and I know that dating at the workplace...
  12. Dream 1... dream 2... dream 3... shaken.

    As people with addictions, most of us are probably all too familiar with using dreams. It’s something I experience, and have experienced quite regularly since I quit using last January. They have just never bothered me, until this morning. I remember how using dreams were, back when I first went to treatment in 2002, they were intense and brought on cravings and urges frequently. I relapsed a lot between 2002 and 2004, when I finally stopped using. Even though my using dreams this time...
  13. A new sense of loneliness

    This is a topic I’ve been mostly avoiding overall, it’s a sensitive subject that some will understand. But a subject that has been creeping back in, so much that I feel it’s time for me to get it out in the open. If you asked me a few months ago, what I planned on doing to curb the lonely feeling that happens during recovery, I would have most likely responded that I’m not worried about it. All I want is for my son to be done with treatments, cancer free, back home, and for life to settle...
  14. hellooo everyone

    how is everyone doing tonight??? if anyone ever needs to or wants to talk feel free to talk to me!!!!! i am here to try and help and support eveyone, i have been struggling with addiction for a while now and i wish i had someone to talk when i was really struggling. hope everyone is having a safe night <3
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  15. Your own space (responsibilities)

    Nothing feels better than getting your own place. Your on space. Privacy, having your own company over when you want. This will be the second time in two years I have came up from being homeless to getting into a halfway house or my own place. Of course with help from my family. My living situation has been rough, yes I know I'm half to blame for the arugments me and my father have. Let me tell you it's tough coming off the streets as a opiate/meth/crack user into an alcoholic...
  16. Chemical smell during withdrawals?

    Apparently I’m doing this all wrong. I put my first post with my background somewhere else and my question is stuck in the journal. I’m supposed to be getting a job and I can’t even navigate this site correctly. My mind isn’t thinking clearly still. If someone could just answer the question about the chemical smell because it’s driving me crazy. I’ve has this chemical smell since day 3 of quitting methadone. It’s now over five weeks and I still have it. Anyone else or am I just having...
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