Opiate Addiction Journals

Post your opiate / opioid recovery Journal for community support, advice and tracking progress.

  1. Is this worth it

    Yesterday in my entry I was talking about being homeless and how thankful I was to get a chance to quit meth and get off the streets. Although last night after going bowling and a pizza at my sister and her husbands expense, we were headed on the way home when us three got into a shouting match. about 15 miles outside of town I decided to get out and walk and stay with my brother. Of coarse it was pouring rain. As I walked down the train tracks violently...
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  2. Figuring Stuff Out

    Just editing this for now because I accidentally double posted. If anybody can tell me how I can delete this, I'd appreciate it! I was hoping to post my next update at some point, which will essentially detail my reasons for getting clean and the steps that I've been taking and am planning on taking.
  3. How Did I Get Here?

    I want to start this journal with a long ramble about how my addiction came to be. The tl;dr of it all is that I have a penchant for the "legal" stuff- prescription pills, Kratom, OTC drugs, and my favorite little demon of all, PST. My first experience with drugs was back in high school. I had awful cramps, and I took two codeine pills that was leftover from my sister's surgery. After my first class, it didn't do much, so I took two more. I wasn't intending on getting high; hell, I didn't...
  4. An encouraging entry for those who feel addiction has caused too much harm in their lives

    Since I was a teenager I was in with the wrong crowd and into the wrong things, I did alot of stupid things. I ruined my credit at the age of 18 with a credit card and because partying came first I never paid it back. When the pain pill addiction came along I started hitting the ER and Doctors offices everytime I ran out of pills just hoping I could score. Sometimes I would but most times I just left with a $1,000 bill that would go against my credit because I was never intending on paying...
  5. This Is Not My First Rodeo...

    I am a firm believer of becoming completely drug free if you don't put to much expectations on self. Studies show that our own worst critics, are ourselfs. I have to remember that I was once a child in a very dysfunctional home. I need to remember there is a child within me that is craving love, and if she doesn't get it, she will do things that will ensure that she gets some type of attention. So, I have made a list of the most important aspects to my becoming drug free. 1. Take it easy,...
  6. Day 13... It’s a bad day :(

    It is a bad day! I have a lot going on. Depression is very bad. Keep sitting here crying. I hate these ups and downs!!! I want this to stop so badly!!!! I found out today one of my very good friends is moving away. She is the only person I can talk to about my problems. I already feel alone and that makes it worse. TRhis is also my last day of summer vacation. Back to work Monday. I do t want to leave my little boy!!! I truly cherish my time with him and I don’t want to miss...
  7. 5 months clean!

    Hello DF! I have officially passed the 5 month mark, 151 days! I swear, you dont even realize what the buprenorphine is doing to you until you get off of it and it takes months to get back to normal. Now at month 5 I'm still sitting at around 98% I guess. I feel better now than I did a month ago. Energy is still slowly getting better but I still struggle for motivation some days. I havent had a bad day or a down day as I like to call them in a couple weeks now so that is a huge plus! I do...
  8. Day 12! Getting better and easier every day!

    Today is a good day!!!! I am not sad! I have energy to get the house cleaned up and play w my little man!!! Sleep is coming more easily it seems. I started taking fish oil to help rebuild my brain. I’m having cravings of course. I’m not sure that is something that will go away anytime soon! I just push it to the back of my head and focus on the important things! Addiction is a whicked and tricky bitch!!! It amazes me how a tiny blue pills has had so much control over my life. It’s...
  9. Day 10 and I’m struggling with depression badly!!

    The past two days have been very hard. Depression has set in with a vengeance. I’m sure it is PAWS but I don’t know what to do! It seems like everything is pissing me off and making me cry. Not sleeping isn’t helping. The last time I went through this I didn’t have this much insomnia and the depression was under control within a couple of weeks. I’m hoping that means soon this is over. This is my last week home until I go back to work and I want to enjoy my time with my son! Not sit...
  10. Day 8!!!! Ugh

    i have no energy today! Depression is really bad! I keep crying off and on for no real reason. My joints are achy again today. Still not sleeping well. I thought this would be over by day 8! It has rained here all day. We are stuck inside and bored. I feel like there is a huge void without he pills! I used to take them when I was bored or needed motivation! It’s like I can barely do anything. I’m trying to find the happy things today but it’s tough! God this has to end soon!
  11. Day 7! Feeling better couldn’t sleep again!

    I was hoping this insomnia shit was done.... but last night I was up again!!! Feeling pretty good today! God works in mysterious ways. Glad I quit because I am almost 98% sure that I am pregnant. If thatbisnt incentive then nothing will work!!!! Energy would be better today if I got sleep last night! Wish my appetite would return!!
  12. Day 6!!!! Found a hidden stash!!!

    Last night I actually slept all night without having to take any sleep aids! No restless arms or aching joints! I still have no appetite! I have eaten 3 pieces of cheese and a yogurt in the past 24 hours! I am drinking protein shakes though! Sooo...I went to take my vitamins today and put pops 2 hydrocodone. I just stared at them, thought long and hard... then put them back in th bottle. I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to flush them. Maybe it’s just knowing I have them there...
  13. Still trying to kick heroin for good

    Ive left lots of gifts for heroinismyheroin at her moms house and letters for her daughter so she can see i did everything for her but she refuses to realize that her addiction and troubles are not my fault. She accuses me of her using here for my own selfish purposes (sex) shes called me 3 times for mear seconds to call me names over the past 4 1/2 months. She refuses to talk to me. She graduated drug class from laurelwood a couple months ago.i told her in a letter how proud i was of her...
  14. He was a prince

    He was raised by the electron. His father chemistry, mother biology. A lonely child with a suicidal mother and an absent father. His closest friend was a computer. His mentor social forums. Entertainment was DOS and Drug-Wars. A child of the modern age. He spoke BASH and jargon. Born afflicted with fire. Writing to strangers on the internet was his passion. Kinky videos from the age of 6 his past-time. A deviant born from free communication, curiosity and wander lust. Aspirations...
  15. Day 5! Tough day!

    This restless and aching arm bullshit is really getting to me. I can’t sleep! I need rest!!! I have ZERO energy today! Not to mention I’m bored and so is my kiddo but is 98 degrees and too damn hot to do much!!! Being bored makes me crave a pill. But I am being strong. I have been and will continue to be!!! I got this!!!
  16. Day 4! I got this!!!

    I was dreading today. If I had reset my withdrawal today would have been the day the bottoms would fall out! I’m good! I have a good amount of energy. My mood is uplifted.... I feel normal! I have to say the tapering was yet again the way I avoided bad withdrawals. Also I couldn’t have done it without opening my heart to Christ and asking him for help. Am I missing the Roxie’s and being high??? HELL YES! However, every time I look into my son’s face, I know why I’m doing this....
  17. Day 3!!! I’m doing this!

    I didn’t sleep last night! That is the worst part! You can’t heal if you can’t rest. Today I had a little bit of jitters and Xanax took that away. I only took a quarter of a .25 mg pill. I keep questioning whether that one headache pill set back my detox. I’m terrified that tomorrow the bottom will fall out. Unlike the last time I seem to have more energy and I’m not having the depression and anxiety. I guess I am kind of waiting for that too. Although last time I was coming off a...
  18. Did I just reset the clock on detox??

    o I started a fast taper because I was running low on pills and money. I jumped off 5-7 30 mg Roxie’s a day to 7.5 hydros then within a week was down to 2- 7.5 hydros. I think u may have started detox on the jump bc I felt like shit and couldn’t get out of bed but couldn’t sleep. Well yesterday was my first day on nothing at all and I was doingbok. Feeling better than I had for a few days but had a hell of a headache. So I took one of my headache pills never thinking that they had Codeine...
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  19. Life after opiates and suboxone/subutex

    Hi all! 141 days clean today after many years of opiate use then 6+ years of subutex/suboxone. This isnt an easy process after years of abuse. I went into this thinking I would be feeling good within 2 weeks LOL! All I can do now is look back and laugh. This isnt meant to scare anyone off but this process of healing takes months but it is so worth the suffering once you are delivered from addiction. As I creep up on 5 months it just gets better and better. I'm feeling pretty normal for...
  20. Addiction medical regimine

    Benzodiazipine withdrawal has been persistent although milder than normal. Currently need Baclofen and Zolpidem as needed for the anxiety. Working on getting Naltrexone for opioid addiction as well as general cravings. Then onto psychedelic assisted psychotherapy for any residual addiction issues which I am wholly nervous about and am going to start with micro doses of LSD and Mushrooms, possibly 4-HO-MIPT and ALD-52 as they are easier to come by. This will be followed by a drug induced...
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