Other Drug Addiction Journals

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  1. Ketamine is over

    Just a quick update about something I've written about in the past. I sought out the help of ketamine when I was rejected from doing more ECT due to memory loss. It seemed the only thing to try other that Deep Brain Stimulation -- and I don't want brain surgery. I had about 20 treatments (by comparison I've had 32 ECTs), and the help it gave seemed to diminish with time. At first my response was great. It seemed to help with my psychotic symptoms too. Ultimately though, I had a...
  2. Started again

    Like the title says. But I am not gonna beat myself up as I quit smoking cigarettes after forty years cold turkey and I think meth had something to do with it. I am not saying it’s a great route to go but it definitely helped. I didn’t have any withdrawals from cigarettes and for some odd reason I have been able to stay away even when previous triggers hit. So for that I am proud of myself. No more cigarettes after forty years of one plus pack a day. I will be stopping the glass pipe...
  3. (still) Anti Social

    This is going to be heavy on the self pity. Im going to be all over the board this afternoon, but hopefully it will help to write. Its one of those days when I really dont feel like doing anything. I went for a run, meditated a little, yet I remain ambivalent about everything. Pointless. Things just seem pointless. I hung out with friends last night. All they do is joke about trivial things while they drink and smoke and dont take care of themselves, and Im the idiot because I still...
  4. 1 Year clean and free from Buprenorphine/Opiates

    1 year ago today, I decided I was sick of my day to day life dependent on having pills. I took my last dose and prepared for a ride through hell. I had read so many horror stories of people trying to quit so I was absolutely scared to death but subutex for 5-6 years and opiates for a few years before that had saturated my body. Something had to give! I jumped from an average daily dose of 24-28mg and these horror stories I read were from people jumping off at less than 2mg a day. I was just...
  5. 5 weeks in my suboxone taper

    I've gotten down to 1 milligram the past couple weeks and now I'm at .25 (1/4th a mg) twice a day. Its day 2 at half a mg a day. I do it twice so at night I will be able to sleep but I've actually been 100% fine as long as I wait a week and a half or so to drop again. I started prozac and wellbutrin just to keep the depression away some because I'm already a pessimist and I dont need any help in getting darker. My goal is to skip a day soon just to see if I can do it...or I may just do...
  6. Smoke this, don't smoke that

    Been using cannabis again, twice in about three weeks. Feel okay about it. Been more open with my therapists so that's helping maintain accountability. Got a new job as a Residential Counselor, it's a four day workweek with one double a week (16 hours). I'm a bit worried about coping with that and last night I laid in bed thinking of what drugs I could do to make that easier. Modafinil? Kratom with DXM? Caffeine Pills? When I talked to my current partner she said that I could tolerate the...
  7. My Preferred Detox Method from Opiates

    Recommended/ideal method for coming down from opiates: Subutex for first couple days since opiates will still be in your system. Technically, you can still get high from opiates while taking subutex. (obviously, not recommended). On the other spectrum, Suboxone has Nalaxone in the ingredients and you can not get high from opiates while taking it. After subutex, switch to Suboxone. Be sure to taper down from subs as slowly as possible to prevent withdrawals from the subs themselves. There are...
  8. Subutex withdrawal day 12

    After reading many different entries on getting off suboxone/subutex, I figured It was time to share my story. I’m not looking for praise or a pat on the back, but rather to give you some insight on my journey, thus far. If my story can help you in anyway I’ll consider it a success. But let me start from the beginning just to give you some perspective. I’ve worked in healthcare most of my adult life and have seen first hand what pain pills and herioin addiction can do to a person and their...
  9. Suboxone taper day 14

    Been 2 weeks at slowly tapering from 2 mgs suboxone. I'm at 1 mg a day now....the past few days I take .75 mgs about 7am and the other .25 about 2pm. I've felt good except for a couple days not a lot of energy and calfs aching but overall good so far. I need to start half a mg and .25 later in the day but I'm all in my head about feeling bad. That's where most my hesitance comes from...the anticipation of feeling bad. I dont have anything to help the anxiety so I've looked into kratom or...
  10. Nicotine: my lover

    I started smoking in about 2015. After a year or so I switched to e-cigarettes, until my company went out of business the middle of last year. I then switched to nicotine pouches, which are kind of like Swedish snus, little things you put up under your lip and the nicotine absorbs buccally. All this time the effects I got from nicotine were a little relaxation and a good deal of stimulation. I would use them first thing in the morning, as or while I was at the gym. And to keep me on my toes...
  11. Wild ride,what's to be expected

    Hey DF peoples. It's been a long time for me since I have wrote in this journal. In one word to describe my life since I started using again has been "unmanageable". I quit my job., Lost my place, been turned down for my share of rehabs ( one cost 31,000$$$ a month WTH.... Been bakeracted twice , almost killed by the cops one of those times. I started smoking meth again on my 90th day/night clean off meth (not totally sober). On October 27 it started with two hits of acid that...
  12. Suboxone taper day 3

    I've been on some form of drug since 13 yrs old and daily since 15. I'm 40 now. I've been on everything you can name and the past 14 years has been methadone and suboxone. I started suboxone after leaving methadone October 2017. The past 6 months I've gotten down from 16 mgs to 1.5 mgs last Thursday, 4 days ago. Once hitting 2 mgs I started feeling okay once I got settled at that. I've been at 2 for a few months. 16 to 4 was easy and quick. 4 to 2 was harder and I've tried leaving 2 a couple...
  13. Never far from hospitals

    On the drive to and from a doctor's appointment today I was listening to This American Life, the episode was about the times before things went to hell. The first was politics related to immigration in the 90s. The one that connects more to me is a divorce. When I think of my own time going to hell, it's the psychosis. Yet when I think on the period before that specific hell, the life underneath had been festering for a while. The lead up to the first and second psychotic periods were both...
  14. 7 days off phenibut and feel almost back to normal.

    So I had major problems coming of this shit! I had so many problems. Crazy anxiety, shivers given from Satan himself, insomnia, nausea and vomiting etc. I done a couple of CT from high doses of benzo and these withdraws are very a like. But this was way longer.. no seizures but freezing 24/7 instead. I have written about this many times and I know it might sound like a shitty thing It was the worst symptom over the whole period. I wasted two whole summers under thick blankets, feet made of...
  15. One year off of meth! It sorta flew bye.

    Sitting here, scrolling through the recent activity page, it dawned on me that today is January 10. Last January 10 I was coming down from my intended last hoo-ra with meth. I was staying with the person who supplied me then. He was actually quite supportive of it, as I was on several waiting lists for dual diagnostic treatments and IRTS programs. The leading treatment was a place that after the first 30 days, I would have been able to transfer to a less restrictive building for women with...
  16. Putting the Nicotine to Sleep

    First day without nicotine, haved had a terrible headache for the latter half of today. Naproxen and Acetaminophen kicked in so it hurts less, although it flares up if I stand up and move much. I remember watching Supersize Me when I was a kid, been remembering that line about the "three day hump" for quiting smoking. Been applying for jobs in harm reduction and peer support. We'll see where that goes throughout January. Car started having issues last night so it's in the shop now. Still...
  17. Its a new day its a new dawn

    and a star is born. Am in good mood. Weed consumption is reduced to after sunset. Slowly things are resolving. Decided not to smoke weed during the come on. Weed HUGELY amplified ALL psychedelics for me and can send me straight back into the trip or further sometimes. Be careful with this combination.
  18. Getting more fucked up every day

    Recurrent memories of my manic episode in April, my boss who sent me home and fired me because of some mis-communication, a neighbor complaining if I can ask my cat not to shit in his garden wtf... I am sweating and shaking because of the chronic stress. A while ago I deliberately used mdmd at home to revoque one of those memories to try to look at it without the rage that usually comes up. It seemed to have worked although there is much more work. I quit all medications since january...
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  19. Is it Just Me?

    I went to the doctors this week and got a prescription for ativan. I really dont miss the experience of having to see an overpaid drug dealer. Recently Ive been trying more and more to put myself out there and get busy with life and have found it difficult. I just really dont care about most of the things in my life. And I think, Is it me? I turn on TV and look for books to read and I keep coming up short. There was a time when I had people in my life filling me with interesting...
  20. Defining Recovery

    During an interview recently, I was asked what recovery means to me. My answer: "Moving towards one's self defined long term goals in light of one's self defined values". Applied to myself then, what are my values? I've been doing values work for over two years now. Helpfulness, actually helping others Religion, in particular religious experience, although understanding religion broadly as well Peace, in my internal experience, in my relations and in my environment Connection, to friends,...
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