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Other Drug Addiction Journals

Post your Addiction recovery Journal for community support, advice and tracking progress.

  1. beating the green day 3

    So to day 3 Last night I thought was gonna be a struggle felt wide awake and restless not really sure what time i nodded off as i think checking the time constantly doesn't help your brain switch off or knowing you've got x amount of time till your alarm goes off doesn't help either. I no I awoke once or twice through the night but in general felt like a decent nights sleep which I'm happy about.waking up this morning felt somewhat easier no ganjover to deal with just a few aches and...
  2. Flushed my oxies

    By the way, by day 9 I think (hard to keep track of time) I went home from my mothers. Gathered all my oxy's and flushed them down the toilet. I filmed the whole ritual since my ex would never had believed me otherwise. 1 hour later I had a doctors appointment and I told them to erase my perscriptions since I've already kicked oxy. Felt terrible but great at the same time. I still crave opioids and opiates every day thought. Its a concious decision not to use. Lots of love to you all!!
  3. Sunday 11/19/17

    Sunday 11/19/17 0005 Pack of cashews 0029 50mg inhaled. More video games. Eat 12 digestive cookies. 0100 Adam comes home from work. He brings a coworker whom I’ve never met before over. Thanks to the Zopiclone I took, my anxiety was not there. It felt how life should feel & I was happy just in that fact. Simple relief of my, would I say, crippling anxiety is enough to make me feel a high of its own. 0200 As I am...
  4. Saturday Evening 11/18/17

    (1100) Fall asleep after being up for close to three days while waiting on more Methamphetamine to arrive. The hallucinations have me flinching and are almost people lifelike in intensity. Sleep is welcomed after 25mg Trazodone, 3.75mg Zopiclone, 0.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Gravol, 1 dab shatter, & 0.05 (half)mg Clonidine. (2021) I wake up from a solid nine hour nap. Bloodshot eyes, sunken cheeks, stinging tongue, hungering stomach, cold. I was up, with the exception of micro-nods, all of last...
  5. 12 day clean

    Going to at least one meeting a day. Some days ive got sick cravings. It can be seeing a dealer, an active friend, a smell, a bad day, a bad comment, whatever. But i resist the urge and it goes away in an hour or so. Im greatful for what I have today. My ex girlfriend thinks i look great, normal pupils and healhy face colour. So im feeling good now. Lots of love to you 8all.
  6. Dopamine

    Just wondering. Aren't all addiction linked to a lower dopamine levels in individual's. From food addiction to alcoholism, cannabis, amphetamines, cocaine and opiates. There seems to be a ladder as if when you dont get enough dopamine (and other signal substances) you just up the drug or use more of it. If this was the case then all addicts are born with an insufficiency in their signal substances?
  7. Dopamine

    Just wondering. Aren't all addiction linked to a lower dopamin level in individual's. From food addiction to alcoholism, cannabis, amphetamines, cocaine and opiates. There seems to be a latter as if when you dont get enough dopamin (and other signal substances) you just up the drug or use more of it. If this was the case the all addicts are born wit an insufficiency in their signal substances?
  8. What I call voices?

    When I said I hear voices..... I really don't hear anything. It's just the thoughts in my head that seems like voices. Some thoughts dominate others and become very "loud". Sometimes making it very difficult to attenuate. If this happens. Most times I remember, after some time, to just be still, taking very deep breaths, matching the exhale to the inhale. Trying to clear my mind, somewhat. Of course it would depend on where I am at the time. Now that I'm getting cleaner the thoughts are...
  9. Clean time.

    So enough with the lies. Been clean for 9 days and its all been good. After 1 slipup. Feeling ok most of the time but today i got some sick cravings and by some miracle o didnt act on my thoughts. Been to NA meetings 5 days in a row. Feels as i need them. Still weak as hell. Wonder when my testo bounces up again. Feels a little better but not like before. Lots of love!
  10. Day three?

    Day three or whatever of recovery. Date is November 12th, 2017 Woke up energy medium. Put a few milligrams in a bowl and smoked it. 6 hours later did another 3 mg. 4 hours later did another 3 mg. That's about 9 mg all together. I would be more than satisfied with that. Right now I'm able to keep my mind off of it when I don't have it available. But if this new shipment comes in, that I've already paid for, I will keep reducing with that. Right now it's unbelievable that I have reduced this...
  11. My recent paranoia... Wanting to make me to quit.

    Sometimes I wonder if anyone else experiences life, close to how I do. Then I get sucked into DF reading the exact same experience as happened in my life that I had forgotten about! Some thoughts on my recent experiences... I thought I had everything figured out in life. Then I forgot to write it all down. I remember some of it though. With the help of some of the supplements that I take. So my aim here is to recreate some of those thoughts. I realized the hold that my...
  12. Today went well. But

    Today went well at work. But there is a catch. I am very sad today. My whole body was wracked with pain on waking. I have a few grams left so I put a few milligrams in my coffee. I think I now am going to wean myself off. I just can't take the pain right now. When I say a few milligrams, I mean a few milligrams. Just enough to fill the tip of a small straw when dipped into the bag of powder and sprinkled into my coffee or water, every few to four hours. Just enough to call back the...
  13. That damn paranoia and The Voices!

    I think I was freaking meth nuts or something. Just getting finished at work and everything went smoothly today. That was my status entry yesterday. But this morning I again have doubts. You see I have been doing two people's work. Saving the company from hiring another employee. All through the use of Meth. But it is so different now. I recently have trained a few new employees to help me. But I could not slow down after getting used to doing those two jobs by myself. I have tried my best...
  14. On choosing to quit and go clean.

    I'm sorry but I've been clean on and off baring a gram or two here and there, for 15 years now. Okay it wasn't exactly clean but it wasn't a bunch of binges either. That is after my first and only year long bing, when I met some good connections, through a woman I met. Until I got busted. Another long story. Up and until this year. A couple times a year. Much of sobriety was do to unavailability. Well I've come to a point, again, to where I want to try to come clean again. Two or three...
  15. One full week, no cigarettes. I'm a vaper, again.

    well i did it, i hit one full week yesterday at 1 pm. ( Big Smile ) I feel pretty damn good, physically and mentally. I have saved about a full tank of gas for my car i figure, and thats just one week. Ive done the math for an entire month, and an entire year, and it is disgusting how much money i spend(t) on cigarettes. I am really really hoping i dont have something aggrevate me to a point where i end up saying fuck it and buying some, i always have that thought in my head, don't look...
  16. Insomnia... And a little lost right now..

    A month ago CPS came and took my kids after they said they weren't doing an investigation, that they were only going to get me the help I needed. I welcomed it gladly... Now... I've been sober, and I mean really really sober, not even pain meds or alcohol sober, I'm over the first part of withdrawals and completely into phase insomnia... Ironic much... That I hate not being able to sleep. I took drugs in extremely high doses so I could stay awake for very long periods, but all I want to...
  17. MINOR setback with 3'20mg oxys.

    hi guys. My ex told me not to talk to anyone in my family for at leat a couple of weeks since they are addicts themselfs and will drag me to hell. so my mo called end asked if i was comi g"home" today and i responded that it is impossible since i am in recovery. I cant take hard wors, critisism, meanness etc. And the she said but hose pills you eat? I said that the only pills i eat are multivitamins and levaxin, hung up the phone and blocked her!!! Started looking for benzos crazy agitated...
  18. Finally feeling balanced again

    Over last week Iv finally found myself feeling balanced again, Iv been able to get on with my work and have cleared a load of backlog at work. Just the week before the Dr wanted to put me back on the Olanzapine but I refused, I said I’d work through the withdrawals. What surprised me is that he was shocked I’d had any withdraws at all, I said it had been particularly drawn out and nasty, he seemed uninformed about Olanzapine Withdrawal. So I’m going to stay as I am now for a while, I...
  19. FRIDAY THE 3:th OF NOVEMBER / Dragon is slayed, head off, GONE!!! Lucky Day

    Finally I am DONE!!! IT took me 10 years of ocycontin and heroin addiction, but I feel it in my heart I AM DONE. bless you! LOTS OF LOVE / Arkan
  20. So on tuesday I went to the same bar (dimmed) feeling worse than ever.

    Sat in a corner just reading about recovery and adrinking alcohol. 4 beers and 4 6cl frenet branca. No conversation at all. Feeling worse and worse so i left the bar and just outside I had a massive panic attack. Couldnt breath. As i got closer to home i started vomiting oncotrollable and the panic attacs jst worsened. at least 5 minutes of pure agonymy at the time. my sister hwho heard me on the phone said thta i must call for an ambulanse. not i went home and fell asleep. Woke 7am and...
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