Hey guys. It's Day 9 of my recovery and things are going well. I can safely say I've kicked the withdrawal and I'm becoming more active and productive. I decided to goto one of my group counseling sessions yesterday and we talked about coping skills. Frankly, I'm sick to death of talking about coping skills as we've discussed it to death. What is a coping skill? Virtually anything we use to cope with stress and negative emotions can be considered a coping skill. Journaling, reading, meditating, breathing exercises, these things are all coping skills, My group meets twice a day but I could only stomach one session. I guess I'm happy I made it out there though.
I'm starting to get my life back. The loperamide pretty much fucked me up. It became the same routine as on the dilaudid. Pick up and use and little else. I became fat and lazy and generally just laid in bed all day - only leaving the house when I HAD TO. Now, I'm doing more. I'm journaling (as you can see), I'm watching tv. I'm starting to get into contact with my friends again. I'm going for walks and getting out of the house.
The bad news is the cravings have set in. I've been dreaming of dilaudid and cocaine. Ahhh, what can ya do? Frankly, I feel like an idiot just even saying I wanna get high anymore. I feel like it's behind me now and beneath me as well. It's time to be a normal, functioning adult. It's time to act in a manner becoming of my intelligence. You guys might not know this, but I'm a web developer by trade. I'm not an idiot and being a junkie just interfered with my work. I've been out of a job for years now. I'm embarrassed about the gaps on my resume too. I'm on disability for the schizoaffective disorder but it doesn't pay the bills.
Sleep is still spotty. I'm going to bed way early, sleeping roughly, and waking up way before dawn. For instance, I was in bed before 7 last night and woke up around 3. But hey, it's a full 8 hours which is more than anybody can ask for on day 9! AND I fell asleep without taking my Vistaril last night! I haven't taken it in about 3 days.
I have what they call "co-occurring disorders": schizoaffective disorder and drug addiction. It sucks because each disorder makes the other worse. The schizoaffective drives me to self-medicate and the addiction interferes with my medication. Well, at least I'm knocking one of the disorders out.
Anyway, hope all is well with y'all! Especially you, BT2H, if you're still around.
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