Why can I not get past day 1??? I'm usually a pretty tough person. I don't understand this. I think I am decided. Then I get to day 1 and everything changes. Nothing seems to work. It's so frustrating. I'm not even sick yet and I go back. What the hell is wrong with me. I pretty much chose H over my spouse today. I love her so much, how could I have done that? I ended up working for the bad guys to get money. I'm turning into a fucking monster. Please can anybody help me understand what is happening. I've been thru withdrawals before and I have never ever had such a hard time just getting started. Could it have to do with what they put in the stuff. Geez, it seems much less potent then back in the day. I used to drop cigarettes on my clothes and even burn myself good before I figured out what was happening. Not I barely nod off. I'm getting so tired of this it's not good. I have to watch my words here, but let's just say it's unhealthy in many ways. Have grown more stubborn? Any input I would be grateful. I don't care much for tough love, I'm already hard enough on myself. I feel like I am close to doing this, but I'm running out of time all at once. I have to go back to work on Monday. f I could stop tomorrow I sorta have a chance of getting thru the worst before Monday, but I have to fucking do it! I think I care, It sure feels like it,yet every god dammed morning I can't finish my cup of tea without flicking the "user" switch on. This is not easy.
Thanks for reading,
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Day 0, again...