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    PLEASE HELP
  1. Why can I not get past day 1??? I'm usually a pretty tough person. I don't understand this. I think I am decided. Then I get to day 1 and everything changes. Nothing seems to work. It's so frustrating. I'm not even sick yet and I go back. What the hell is wrong with me. I pretty much chose H over my spouse today. I love her so much, how could I have done that? I ended up working for the bad guys to get money. I'm turning into a fucking monster. Please can anybody help me understand what is happening. I've been thru withdrawals before and I have never ever had such a hard time just getting started. Could it have to do with what they put in the stuff. Geez, it seems much less potent then back in the day. I used to drop cigarettes on my clothes and even burn myself good before I figured out what was happening. Not I barely nod off. I'm getting so tired of this it's not good. I have to watch my words here, but let's just say it's unhealthy in many ways. Have grown more stubborn? Any input I would be grateful. I don't care much for tough love, I'm already hard enough on myself. I feel like I am close to doing this, but I'm running out of time all at once. I have to go back to work on Monday. f I could stop tomorrow I sorta have a chance of getting thru the worst before Monday, but I have to fucking do it! I think I care, It sure feels like it,yet every god dammed morning I can't finish my cup of tea without flicking the "user" switch on. This is not easy.

    Thanks for reading,
    John

    About Author

    Coldchicken
    Normal guy tried to rid himself of a habit destroying his life and others'.

Comments

  1. BadExample
    I feel like I might be in a similar situation, but with C. I've kicked this before, and was able to only dabble every now and again. Somehow this time I feel like I have lost control. I decide I'm through, then some time later my brain strongly disagrees, and I'm off to the ATM. No tough love from me. I use it all up on myself! Today, instead of the self-hate talk, I decided to take my hateful thoughts, and turn them around. "You are a good person." "You are loved." "You can do this." "You are stronger than this."

    Of course, I have no idea if that would work for you, but it did help some for me. Good luck with your weekend quest. You have 100% of my support.
  2. Coldchicken
    @BadExample thanks. Did it work when U used those methods?
  3. BadExample
    It helped me feel better. It gave me hope.
  4. Coldchicken
  5. Markant
    Haven't understood yet whether you asked for supportive prescription medications from your personal physician like clonidine, benzodiazepines etc. to help you through the roughest part.

    Clonidine had the effect on me at least, that it did not only help with some of the nasty physical symptoms, but it also took away the cravings and the urge to pathologically look for opiates around the house when I was both out of money and gear.

    This moderate soothing effect on my psyche (it's also a very sedative drug in the beginning; 0.15mg's knocked me completely off of my socks) once
    was enough to make it through a very painful but also very psychological withdrawal, coming off of 800mg/day oxycodone. Basically I slept non-stop through the first 3 days because I combined it with high doses of temazapam (80mg/day).

    After sleeping for like 66 hours of the 72 hours, I felt better withdrawal wise, but terrible in terms of dehydration, malnutrition and even muscle-wasting.

    But the withdrawal was so horrible, I was happy I didn't notice too much of it.

    You can always try and ask your personal physician if he/she can mean something for you in terms of supportive medication so you're not so busy with withdrawing in your head.

    Best of luck man.
  6. HeroinIsMyHeroine
    I'm sorr of in the same position. Nothing I'm doing is working, either. I'm going to try doing bigger amounts less frequently, cuz I'm running out of ideas. Hey, at least you never escorted, I did that for a few years.
  7. Illdan
    It's fucking heroin bro! Arguably the most "soul sucking substance" known to man! That's why you can't seem to make it past day one.

    Very few of us (if anyone) has the ability to just walk away unscathed once they've decided to quit. Drastic measures must be taking if we hope to have any real shot at overcoming this. It's just scary and hard my man. We all want to believe that we're more powerful than we truly are when it pertains to a heroin addiction, but the sad truth is that we're not and cannot do this without a thorough and well executed plan.

    Get a pen and paper and write down exactly how you're gonna go about this. Let people in and be as honest as possible when explaining your situation. If you're genuine and it shows most people will respond with empathy and try to help you. Human beings love the story of a redemptive fellow human being because we're all flawed in a variety of ways.

    You got this man! Just give it all you got and you can't lose.
    1. HeroinIsMyHeroine
      Very true, especially the soul sucking part. Guess where every cent is going, instead of rent, charity, etc?
  8. Coldchicken
    @Illdan Thanks. I will try to write down a plan. I'm not sure what to write in there. I just don't have much to do. I don't even have cable. I don't have a comfortable spot like I saw recommended. I'm not trying to find excuses here, it's just facts. Plus I'm pretty depressed already because my spouse gave up on me. It's looking grim.
  9. HeroinIsMyHeroine
    ^I feel you. I lost five apartments, three cars, two TV's, three laptops, about five days of freedom, cable, gas, a week of electric, five hampers of clothes, and, oh yeah, my sanity. The bad thing is, when we lose distractions, we need to get even higher cuz we don't have anything else to do. May I ask how much you're using daily?
  10. Coldchicken
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