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  1. These last two days have been HARD - I hate it that when it seems things in your brain start to get better, something switches off and you feel like shit again
    I've been so depressed these last two days, it's really fucking with me. It's not fair - when I am doing everything right. I wish I never fucking touched pills... & I wish my brain would just get it together. It's hard to even get out of bed today. I wish I knew when this pain will go away, I don't do well this mood swings. :(


  1. Wizjusz
    We all have ups and downs keep it counting that's what matters if you wanna kill some time and should practice your brain go to sololearn.com and try out some courses programming isn't for everyone but its a good site for starter and everything is explained pretty well get brain busy hope you get well soon! I had skagg for week over es that's when I said never again know your limits!
  2. gonzochef
    Being bipolar, I know ALL ABOUT mood swings. My cycle is both rapid and long term, ups and downs throughout the day, moods that last for weeks, etc... What I've learned is a very simple trick: it always gets better again, even if it gets worse again after that, there is a reprieve. It ALWAYS gets better again. Find patience and wait for it. I would try some meditation and deep breathing techniques. Look into Zazen meditation, it is the practice of clearing your mind and focusing on your breathing until you can focus on nothing at all, perhaps a point of light in your mind's eye. With practice you can spend several minutes, even hours, in that state, and come out incredibly refreshed. Don't try too hard at first, it takes practice. Try 5 minutes to begin with. I guarantee you will notice the difference in your mood. Like the endorphin rush from a hard workout, this mood elevation is temporary, but every little bit helps, right? Give it a try, look into it, and I guarantee you'll feel a little better for a little while. Many blessings to you, and good luck. Keep fighting.
  3. Hopeless78
    Thank you Gonzo, I been planning on trying some meditation; I guess today would be a good day to do that. Thanks for the support, I really need a lot of it, and it's important to get especially when my family and friends want to give it to me but they just don't get it. I will try some meditation in a little bit here - hopefully it'll give me some strength to get my ass up out of bed; most important thing is that I know I can make it through all of this shit without pill.
    I wish you so much luck on your trip home, you leave tomorrow right? How long are you going away for? I am so proud of all the changed and strength you have showed in the past while xoxo
    Much love to you
  4. gonzochef
    You are most welcome. Anything I can do to help, I'm here for ya! I've been through this many times and know how hard it can be. Remember, meditation doesn't require you to sit on the uncomfortable floor with your legs crossed. It can be done in bed! Laying down, arms at your sides, breathing deep and concentrating on not concentrating. If you feel your mind wandering, bring it back to your breathing. With practice it becomes easy, but even when you first start and struggle with clearing your mind it is an asset. Let me know how it goes. I'm no guru, but I do have some experience.
    Thank you for your support as well, these past weeks and months have been difficult, but my test is coming. One week with access to the dope; one week fighting to ignore access to dope. I know I can do it. I have a plan, but plans never go as planned... So I have backup plans. I hope and believe that I can make it.
  5. Hopeless78
    I have so much hope and respect for you Gonzo, I know and read the shit that you have been through in this past while - I truly know in my heart you're going to be able to stay clean during your trip, you're so strong, and remember, YOU have that choice. Anytime you feel weak, send me a message xo

    I'll try some meditation in a little bit here.
  6. Hopeless78
    Well, today was fucking tough, I cried A LOT - but I went to a meeting & counselling and didn't take pills, so that's something to be proud of. Goodbye day 15, hopefully tomorrow will be a little brighter.
  7. Rainflake
    This happened to me too. I think there is an initial high of feeling your achievement and it wears off. And your brain has a lot of chemical resetting to do until it can find its normal levels again.
    Recovery is a bumpy ride, you will have highs and lows until you can reach "recovered". Maybe even face some demons too.
    But even on days you feel down, you are still achieving! Every day is another day free of the oxy. Another step in the right direction.
    You can do this xx
  8. Hopeless78
    Thank you @Rainflake , it's been a really hard two days, my depression has really
    taken me by a storm - I keep hoping it will get easier soon. How are you doing? xo
  9. Illdan
    How are you holding up hopeless? Hopefully better than I am. I'm currently in the process of flushing a few weeks of sobriety right down the toilet! Kicking myself in the ass right now...
  10. Hopeless78
    @Illdan , thanks for checking in; so sorry to hear of your lapse - don't give up, just keep trying! I know how hard it is... I am still here, holding on. Last few days have been particularly bad, but it just reminds me how much harder everything is this time around and the fact that I just couldn't do this all over again, and that keeps me clean. It's also making me realize how strong I am; I am still making myself go out and do things, even though the last two nights have been spent crying away before going to sleep. I have managed to not call in sick for work though - thankfully I love my job & it keeps my mind busy. This week has been fucking shitty, I am hoping I get a break next week and things get a little bit easier - I'll be clean three weeks next Tuesday. I hope you find the strength to fight through and not give up though - I am always here if you need to vent xo.
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