Been a little while since I did a journal entry; this is what happened last time, I stopped posting, stopped talking about it all & then I relapsed. Not happening again that's for sure - I have to be consiously aware of everything this time around.
Well, I am definitely feeling better then last week. Last week was full of last night crying and wondering what the fuck am I doing & how the hell am I going to make it through. I have noticed my mood has levelled out these past few days & although I am nowhere near normal, I at least don't feel hopeless. I think I am now at the point where I was last time when I relapsed. Now that I don't feel so depressed, I just feel so 'neautral'... or bored I guess? Keeping myself occupied helps but at the end of the night, that uncomfortable 'everything is whatever' feeling is still there. It's only been three weeks - I know it won't feel this way forever. Last time I made it to one month and two weeks off Oxys. This time it will be forever - I will feel HAPPY at some point, right? I have to.
Thanks for everyone's continued support - I am keeping up with Smart recovery meetings & I got a new therapist. Off to dinner & a movie, hope everyone had a good weekend.
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Day 20 - it's been a tough three weeks
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