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  1. Like I said in the intro I am at day three of detox. I am using kratom when I feel at my lowest. I am only using enough to feel half way normal not enough to get a buzz. I'm trying to stop this without creating anouther habit.

    I seriously cannot believe how this one little pill has turned my life upside down. I can't go anywhere without them. All I do is think about them. These things really are the devil in disguise.

    At my worst I would be snorting 5 30's a day. Then I would sub them with methadone when I ran out till I could get my next score. I know a lot of people where I can get them and money really wasn't a factor for me at first. Lately I've been adding up how much I've spent in the last ten years and I could have bought a lot of stuff with that money.

    The biggest reason I'm wanting to quit is for my daughter (hence the S/N). She's almost three and I've been on these her whole life. So many cloudy memories from her birth to first steps, words, birthdays. These are things that I will never get back and I barely remember them.

    As far as how I'm feeling, not bad today. My problem has always been boredom when not using. I got minor withdrawal pains (upset stomach, not sleeping good, lethargic, cold/hit sweat) you know all the norms.

    Well the football game is over and the wife is calling me to bed. Here goes another night of trying to sleep.



  1. phil9262

    Your users name really stood out to me. It's funny I have an 11 month old daughter that I'm looking at as we speak and she's the reason when I'm feeling down, that I keep pushing. Sobriety is definitely not an easy task and anyone who is brave enough to do the leap, deserves acknowledgement. Even if it's only a couple days. Keep the good things you have in your life right up front, to keep reminding you of what you don't want to loose. But also get some action going. Don't sit around and give time fore your thoughts to paralyze you, as they most certainly can. Early stages of withdrawal needs excercise. You probably don't even want to think about it but it really helps. Trust me.

    Best of luck to you. We are all routing for ya!
      Kathy1221 likes this.
  2. Mydaughterslife
    Thank you for your encouraging words Phil. I'm already staying active and I always walk and exercise in my personal life and at work. I know it helps a lot and I plan on picking it up a notch to fill the void.
  3. Mydaughterslife
    Day 4

    Well today went by pretty easy. One hard thing was I had to talk to one of my friends/dealer. The interaction was quick and I got out without falling into the trap. I never thought self control would come to me with this. I know it's a long road but this is my first real progress towards my new life.

    I stayed busy most of the day running errands and spending time with the family. My daughter and I went on a nice long walk. For the first time in a long time the euphoria I felt was created from her, and not a drug. My wife still has no clue about what's going on as I can mask everything to look normal.

    My psychical problems are almost all gone except for wakin. Up with butterfly's in the middle of the night. The mental problems I'm sure will linger for some time. One thing I've noticed is I feel like I could cry at the weirdest things. I haven't cried since my father died five years ago. Now though I feel as though I could cry watching a cartoon with my daughter. It feels good to have emotion again though, and I know this will pass.

    I actually fell asleep last night after easing for a few hours in bed while the family watched a movie. I haven't read in so long and I forgot how much I missed. So I guess the ship is still on course and I'm not looking back.

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