Like I said in the intro I am at day three of detox. I am using kratom when I feel at my lowest. I am only using enough to feel half way normal not enough to get a buzz. I'm trying to stop this without creating anouther habit.
I seriously cannot believe how this one little pill has turned my life upside down. I can't go anywhere without them. All I do is think about them. These things really are the devil in disguise.
At my worst I would be snorting 5 30's a day. Then I would sub them with methadone when I ran out till I could get my next score. I know a lot of people where I can get them and money really wasn't a factor for me at first. Lately I've been adding up how much I've spent in the last ten years and I could have bought a lot of stuff with that money.
The biggest reason I'm wanting to quit is for my daughter (hence the S/N). She's almost three and I've been on these her whole life. So many cloudy memories from her birth to first steps, words, birthdays. These are things that I will never get back and I barely remember them.
As far as how I'm feeling, not bad today. My problem has always been boredom when not using. I got minor withdrawal pains (upset stomach, not sleeping good, lethargic, cold/hit sweat) you know all the norms.
Well the football game is over and the wife is calling me to bed. Here goes another night of trying to sleep.
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