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  1. Would you believe that I’ve spent a week in Disney World with my family?
    It has been 38 days since my last dose of pst and I’m feeling great. Had some emotional hiccups, but seem to be on the right path. Haven’t had a single craving to drink the tea but I can’t say I haven’t had a single craving to escape, or have more energy, or just feel that euphoria, but even those cravings are few and far between because my mind then immediately goes to all the baggage that comes along with such a disgusting habit.
    A few weeks ago my husband (in a bipolar depressed state) decided he needed to leave the kids and I. Now, he has done this before, sometimes not even telling me where he is going and turns his cell phone off for days. It frightening for the kids and I, especially when I can’t hold it together and am an emotional wreck. This time was different though, it was more planned and real. After much back and forth and begging for his return, he cane back as if he never left. I won’t go too much in detail about it all except to say, he had had enough of my shit, and I don’t blame him. The switch just flipped in his mind. He had been mostly caring and supportive but partly due to his bipolar and partly to the reality of being married to an addict, it finally hit him. I think that freak out needed to happen, it’s like he needed to punish me for all the lying I had done. It just didn’t seem fair to him that I should get away so clean. Technically I haven’t gotten away clean. I will eventually need to come off the suboxone. In the last doctor’s appointment I went to, I told the doctor I’d like to lower my dose but he said I should be mentally stable for that. I will admit I was suicidal when my husband was trying to decide if he should divorce me. However, I feel like the doctor has no qualms about me being on this medication for a longer time than I expected. Hell, I wouldn’t mind taking it until Kingdom comes but if I ever want to be a normal person, need surgery, have a unmuted orgasm or drink beer (we own a liquor store), I’m going to need to get off it.
    Getting back to my current state. I’ve had an incredible week with my family enjoying the most wholesome of activities and it feels incredible. I was very fearful of how I was going to hide bags and bags of seeds and tea while on a 2 week vacation, so thank God I'm free of that shit.
    I did forget to take a pill the first day of being in Disney World. We had just arrived at the park and it took us over a half hour to get there, we were late to our very special breakfast reservation and meeting my very easily angered father. Needless to say, I decided to go the day without the suboxone and managed to make it until 6pm before taking it. It was 95 degrees and 99% humidity and pure torture but I did it and didn’t really feel much withdrawal symptoms until an hour or two before I was able to take it. The sweating was extreme but I persevered with little complaining.
    I just wanted to quickly check in and share my ups and downs in the past month. When I have more time and am not falling asleep on the computer, I’ll write a more thought out entry. I find it extremely therapeutic to arrange my feelings and thoughts regarding my addiction, into words. I also find it very helpful to read about other people’s experiences with addiction. I only hope that this journal can not only help me, but help others going through addiction issues and transitions into sobriety. Good luck out there!

Comments

  1. Igot5onit
    How much is your dose?

    It's funny because I'm planning on Suboxone. Maybe like 4 weeks away. Then read your beer statement. Never thought about this. Then checked. It seems to block alcohol. Interesting, perhaps a good side effect for the few months I would be on it.

    But yeah, what your dose. Just curious. Thanks.
  2. zman
    Suboxone has that miraculous way of overcoming opiate withdrawal. However, it has its own demons. If you're on Suboxone I suggest tapering down now! Do not become dependent on this drug because it can be addicting too. Unlike short acting opiates Suboxone is a long acting partial agonist. Wrist being said, that once you become dependent on this drug the withdrawals are longer and worse than anything. I wouldn't recommend this drug to anyone because I know from experience just how bad it really is. Don't let your Doctor fool you. Even though they're a Dr. does not mean they are a good physician. Pretty much I was lied to about the dangers of the drug and I'm sure your suboxone doctor has fed you a line of crap about it. Basically these doctors are all about money. So if you plan on staying on Suboxone your entire life keep taking it. If you really want to achieve sobriety please get off it as soon as possible. This Drug is totally evil and I truly believe it's just has bad as any other opiate out there. Suboxone is just down right the worse.
  3. zman
    I've been an opioid addict for 9 years. I've tried everything from suboxone to methadone. There isn't no miracle drug that is going to cure your addiction, and those drugs is just like putting a band aid on a horrible wound. The only way to overcome this disease is the will to want to do it. I'm an extreme advocate for Weistmam method. Which is a rapid detox while under anesthesia, unfortunately this method is very expensive. However you're detoxed in a matter of hours while you sleep. Anyways, what I found to help me through the hell of suboxone withdrawal was a combination of drugs, lots of sleep, rest, vitamins and food. Actually, when I came off Suboxone the withdrawal was so unbearable that I turned to Percocet at first to control the symptoms. Once I hit that one month mark I simply tapered down on the Percocet so for three days I was only taking one 5mg tab. Trust me withdrawal from Percocet is a breeze compared to Suboxone. When I detoxed from the Percocet I bought a detox kit from my local head shop. That really helped. After that I just took SSRIs, Valium, trazedone, reperidone, and ate a lot. Even if you have to force yourself to eat, food and lots of water is the key to overcoming withdrawal. Along with sleep, because when one sleeps that's when the brain can heal itself. It's all about balancing out your brain chemicals to a normal state. Idk, you choose and decide for yourself what's best for you. I just want to elaborate that Suboxone is just a quick fix and is worse than any opioid on the market including methadone.
  4. Mtdrmgrl
    Thank you for sharing your experience with me, I truly appreciate it. I’m very aware of the seriousness of the drug and it’s terrible withdrawal. I’m currently on 8 mg and am moving to 6 on Wednesday and down from there for the next few months. This is not something I want to be on but at this point in my life and addiction, it’s was and is my best option. Did you do a slow taper off the suboxone? That is my plan. My doctor is a load of shit and I know that. He swears that everything I read on the internet about how terrible suboxone is, are just lies. It’s like “oh yeah, we’ll then why are there literally millions of people saying the same thing?” Anyways, it’s a life and marriage saver for me. My husband is fully aware of how terrible it may be when I finally go from .5 my to 0 but I have to go through with it eventually. So, we’llplan Accordingly. Most likely I’ll go stay at a hotel with hot springs to soak in and sweat out the worst of it there and return home to deal with the long term symptoms. Read a bit about withdrawals from poppy seed tea, it’s supoidedly one of the worst and longest withdrawals out there and I went through that many a times, never came out the other side which is why I’m on suboxone, but I do know what to expect. Thanks for the advice.
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