So I'm doing fine, got some melatonin to get through the nights without waking up. It's getting easier day by day. Today is 04/20 too so I see lots of weed pictures and people celebrating, but I'm happy to say this is my first sober 20th of April for the last 7 years and hopefully the first of many.
I noticed that a lot of thoughts and suppressed feelings are popping up and I'm actually speaking out. Like yesterday I had the most honest conversation with my mom in like forever, very intense too. Usually after those type of chats it was impossible for me not to light up. What makes it a bit easier is when you realize that your brain is playing tricks on you in those type of situations. It's like an instinct - your brain is trying to help you "not suffer" at the very moment, but if you give in and let it control you, your gonna suffer for the long run. Because not letting those emotions out and restraining those feelings results in loosing yourself and makes it harder to go back to reality, because let's be honest - in the real sober world there will be thousands and millions of shitty situations that we do not want to go through and at first it will be hard, because we're not used to living those moments as they are, but I guess the more time goes by, the easier it gets and we just have to be strong.
And by the way those "mini-wins" feel awsome. Just every time I would usually smoke and I don't.. ah the feeling..
Oh and one more thing for someone that's starting out - to be honest I don't trust myself about not smoking. So every day is a fight (good one ofc), but a fight. So even if you don't feel as ready as you think you should in order to stop, just go ahead and try. And try again and again, multiple times during the day, then the next day and so on.. Because if you're waiting for that inner feeling of "Oh I actually know that THIS is the day that I stop, and I'm absolutely sure that I will never light up again" - well most probably that certainty will never come. So don't wait. Just try and try and try. We can support each other and go through this together.
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