Things really seem to get a little better everyday. Its kind of hard to tell because feeling bad for 8 days really starts to mess with your brain when you know you could fix it all with one small pill. I will not cave though, I've gone too far.
Ive been on this soul killing drug for atleast 5-6 years and I tried quitting it once before but i caved on the 5th day. That was before i had a wife and children to lift me up and give me more reason not to fail myself or them. In the last 8 days ive got the most amazing clarity, i can easily focus on the eyes of my wife and children without my eyes drifting. The world is so much more beautiful, i see beauty in the smallest things that i never looked twice at before.
Learning to handle my emotions is going to be a task lol. I feel things again, im no longer in this deep dark fog where im always in the same mood like im locked inside my shell, prisoner to my own body. The smallest things choke me up such as songs ive known my whole life lol, movies, even kids movies for God sakes! Its strange but its wonderful at the same time to feel again, i never want to lose my soul again!
Ive had zero shoulder burning/restlessness for 2 days now which was the hardest part. I was starting to fear it would never stop but i prayed, i had everyone praying for me and he delivered! Still have very low energy, i get waves of the shakes followed with extreme anxiety. Music and movies you like will help with this. Im proud to say i havent missed a single day of work and not only do i work but im also on Dad duty until my wife gets home around 7pm so im wide open from 530am-7pm before i can relax and i think this may be whats made this so bearable for me, keeping moving keeps your mind off of it but make sure not to over do it!
Today i even managed to go outside and move my trucks and the wifes car to get my trailer hooked up so we could drive about 30 min to the furniture store and get a new mattress. After that we ate and then went to a friend's house to pick up a new bed for my daughter. After loading all that up and then unloading it at home/setting it all up i had to go into work to turn in paperwork since we were rained out today. I was feeling like i over did it because this morning i felt amazing but after a short hour nap im starting to feel better again.
Sorry for my rambling, i just really hope my testimonials can help someone stuck in that bottomless pit as i was. Im still not 100% by any means, id say about 50% compared to my hardest day's 2-6 but im on my way. I will beat this and if i had to.start it all over again tomorrow i absolutely would!
Im not taking anything to cope other than over the counter meds. I switch between tylenol and ibuprofen and ive even take aleve PM and nyquil to help sleep. On my worst nights i took 2-3 shots of vodka (gross) but it helped and it was left here by a friend months ago lol. Immodium will also be a great help with stomach issues but dont over do it and only take it for 5-6 days or it will make you feel bad too when you stop taking it from what ive heard.
This was a long entry but this site is a little confusing, my original journal is never attached to my entries so you guys get no back story. I was snorting 16-28mg a day, i cut to 4mg for 2 days then i jumped. A tapper never worked for me and im tough, a let's get this shit over with kind of person. I have a high pain tolerance and realized from the beginning that most of this is mind over matter. If you are weak i don't recommend a cold turkey jump and if you can taper then do it but if you can't and you are tough then go for it, you can do it!
In summary i now on day 8 am seeing that light at the end of the tunnel getting brighter. Even if this takes 4 weeks to be 100% whats 4 short weeks compared to a lifetime of freedom? This is the best thing ive ever done, my strength and my self pride has been restored. Cant believe ive done this! If anyone has any questions please reach out!
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