today I am having a battle within myself.
I got word tuesday night from my lil sister that our mother is in the hospital.in very bad shape.
when her sister she was mooching off died recently she wound up shacking up with a guy down the block from her sisters.noone else would take her in.
well shes been complaining to my sister for awhile now that she thinks shes dying.cant eat cant sleep cant function.
I told my sister I would come pick her up and we'd take mother into the hospital next time she complained.
never happened.the guy wound up literally dragging her into the hospital 4 days ago.
I stopped in the hospital yesterday because I was in the area.she was having an operation and I didn't even have to see her.but I did speak with her nurse to get the full story of whats going on.
she was getting a brain tumor addressed while I was there.
nurse said it was golf ball sized and they had to get the bleeding to stop before they can remove it,and its benign,so not cancerous.
shes also having serious digestive,and breathing problems.severly dehydrated to.
their giving her antidepressants and something for alcohol withdrawal.also on a morphine drip.
shes 62 years old,and has no one to speak for her,or even be there for her.also she has nowhere to go once released,which wont be for awhile.
their not done running tests on her either.mostly focusing on the dehydration and brain tumor right now.
the first thing they say is,we have no one down for emergency contacts for her,and she needs a living will and power of attorney.
this is where I don't know what to do.
I don't want to be responsible for her decisions,and im not sure if I even consider her a loved one.
im her oldest child.my full blood brother hasn't spoke to her in 20 years and has no desire.
my half siblings are all 25 and under.their all a mess as well.
mostly im worried about my little sister.shes only 22 and she probably will end up being the one that has to be there for her.
they have more of a relationship than we do.i have a stepmom who stepped in to take care of me when I was just 5,so shes my mom.not my biological mother.
ive tried over the years to create some kind of relationship with my mother,but we always just end up fighting.the chic is insane and just has no common sense and no matter what the topic of discussion she always makes herself the victim.
victim victim victim.thats how she always turns it around,and its bullshit.she takes zero responsibility for anything that's ever happened,and it pisses me off.and that's where we always leave it.
so,im feeling guilty about not being more involved with her care right now.but im not signing my name on anything related to her.sad but true.
she has nothing.not even a drivers liscense.and im not having anyone calling me about anything regarding her.
call me a bitch,but it is what it is.
I just feel for more sister because shes more gullable,plus she never had anyone else step up to care for her as a child.
she got bounced around in foster care her whole life and she is more hopeful that our mother has some decency in her.i know better.
so,here I am wondering if I should go to the hospital today.i don't want to.but I cant help but feel sad for mothers situation.its sad to think of her coming out of major surgery and no one there waiting to see her.breaks my heart,but ive learned over the years investing any emotion in her will blow up in my face in the end.
just makes me feel even more cold and shutoff.and why do I always end up being the one sucking it up and doing the'right thing'....not this time.i cant be spread any thinner.
someone else is going to have to step up this time.
yeah right,i bet I end up at the hospital by the end of the day....