Detoxin momma:things are changing for me. - Part 45

By detoxin momma · Nov 5, 2014 ·
  1. im actually glad its getting cold,because the playing outside starts easing up.

    the kid that broke his arm got really hurt.he went to the ER where he was airlifted to the childrens hospital!
    his arm is broke in 2 spots and one of the bones pushing on the skin,and he had to get operated on to fix it!
    I cant believe it.i knew it was only a matter of time before someone got hurt,but not this badly.the trampoline is gone.we took it down.
    my daughter especially is pissed,but its almost winter anyway,and I have to make some kinda point.

    I told my son from now on if those kids want to play that's fine,but one at a time.they just get too crazy when their all together.and we cant be responsible for all of them.

    I have started dropping hints to kids and parents that I was gonna put a "closed"sign on the front door.
    so they all know whats coming.
    we gotta move anyway.i don't even have a bedroom for the baby here.she will be in her crib in our bedroom for a year,and in that year we gotta find another home.

    a 4 bedroom house is expensive,so we're actually thinking 3 bedrooms with a finished basement that my husband can turn into our bedroom will do.

    its harder with a pitbull to think about.most places in Missouri are outlawing them.
    and getting rid of her is not an option.we've had her almost 9 years and shes the best damn dog.
    she responds to one word commands like a trained professional.
    I can hold out a chicken leg and she'll take tiny little bites so gently,shes incredible.

    I want to go somewhere a lot less chaotic and more isolated,more privacy.
    a creek in walking distance would be ideal,but im not gonna push it lol...
    I can't wait.but I know it will all be stressful.

    plus I do worry about how moving will effect the kids.they got it made here really.so many kids around has its pro's and con's....

    with my other 2 I was able to pick out themes for their rooms and have everything all perfect,not this time.
    things were so quiet, my whole life revolved around taking care of them.no worries of working,no worries on schedules,or outsider interferences.not this time.
    no worries of medication either.i hadn't been exposed to any of that yet.just me and my herb,lol...

    I don't know when or why I became so anxious.life happens I guess.
    that or shit finally caught up with me.

    I watched this movie,"moms night out"recently.it was goofy,but I laughed and cried,and totally related.
    I'd recommend it to women,it was very comforting to watch how common most the things I stress about are so common.

    also,my sons cub scout leader just announced shes pregnant to.kinda similar situation as mine,except her 2 older ones are with her ex-husband.
    she looked miserable last night.i could see it in her face how uncomfortable she was.shes 2 months behind me,and having the same right sided back pain.only she said shes had it all 3 times now.
    shes not even bitching much because of that fact.said it let up almost immediately after delivering.

    also she just got remarried,and tried to conceive.

    I think considering what a shock my pregnancy is,and considering ive never ever had back pain in my life is why im handling it so badly.
    plus ive had to give up a 4 year affair with tramadol.

    ive actually wondered if its not all a blessing in disguise.i wanted to quit,but kept getting prescriptions given to me.
    so being put in a position where I really don't have a choice is probably a good thing.
    because doing it for just myself wasn't enough motivation for me,sad but true.

    I'd be a fool to go back on meds.but I guess time will tell how things go.
    I know that if I tell my doctor,once im not pregnant,that I want my tramadol back she'll give it to me.
    if only I weren't so damn productive from it I wouldn't be tempted.

    what a dumb thing to think about.hopefully finally looking at why ive been so miserable will give me a new perspective.
    I just feel like I want my body back.not my physique,my entire being.i feel like its not even mine right now,but hers.and it makes me feel completely out of control and I hate it.

    my step sister has 5 kids,and says she loves being pregnant.shes nuts!
    my body hurts,i cant sleep, and I want to be able to take something without worrying how its gonna effect someone else.
    I cant believe I still have 12 weeks to go.it feels like time has stopped.
    I wish I could go to sleep and wake up and it'd be end of January.

    but yeah I know.wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up faster....

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