Detoxin momma:things are changing for me. - Part 61

By detoxin momma · Jan 8, 2015 ·
  1. jungledog,that is a crazy ambien story!that shit really should be pulled from the market altogether.too risky if you ask me.

    ive stuck with the cheap sleep aids you can get at any store and it really does work better.really.
    I wont let myself take them 2 nights in a row either.i don't want a tolerance or to become dependant.

    Mr.Bumble,thanks for your response.you are right.there is no way a person should be arrogant enough to think they can diagnose a person from just one visit,even two...

    this doctor says to me,"we're you sexually abused?bullied in school? have nightmares?"

    all of which I answered no to.not that ive never had a nightmare,but still....who hasn't.

    then he says,'well I bet youre pretty active"

    yes,i am.im in perfectly healthy condition and a mother,of course im active.

    "you have rapid speech"he says..

    so what...that was enough for him to prescribe me bipolar drugs.

    ive never denied the anxiety or panic disorder.i know I have that.big deal.i'd rather get anxious from time to time then pop a klonopin or Xanax everyday ya know.

    who doesn't get anxious.thats life.getting hooked on benzo's just adds a whole new problem to the mix.screw that.

    and about the birth control,youre right there to.all those things just scare me.i don't know why.

    when I was 23,right after my son was born,i actually went in to be tied up.had to see 4 doctors to approve the procedure at that age,and I chickened out and walked out!
    had the gown on,just been given sedatives,the whole nine.and I walked out.

    I cant tell ya how many times ive regretted that move,but,everything happens for a reason.as I sit here almost 10 years later,pregnant.(smh)

    we weren't married then.we talked things threw,and we agreed to just be very careful.pitiful I know.
    but,it worked for almost a decade.

    I shouldn't blame my husband.hes nomore at fault than myself.
    it has to have something to do with him quitting drinking,it has to.we have done nothing differently in the bedroom than we always have,which is,pull it out!(smh)

    anyways.

    BT2H,my god the ferguson shit is getting old.not trying to be insensitive,but when its your home, that's all they talk about on the news anymore.all the hype is just adding fuel to the fire.

    Christmas day I got up to turn on fox news like I do everyday,and then I thought,no,forget it.its Christmas.i don't wanna hear the shit today!!

    I haven't been outta Missouri much in my life at all.so I don't know how other cities work.
    St.louis is huge,and divided into many counties,and the city is right on the edge of these counties and Illinois.

    theres North,West,and South counties,and the east is St'louis city.
    ferguson is part of North county.which is where my husband was born and raised.when he was young it was still a nice area.

    but whats happened is,people from the city have decided to ship their kids to county schools because there better than city schools.
    over time this has destroyed north county.its about as bad as the city now.

    so,once our kids became school age we knew we had to move,or put them in private schools,which wasn't possible due to costs.
    please do not take this as a rascist comment,but when my daughter was in kindergarten,in north county,she was the ONLY white girl.not cool.
    I can handle some diversity,sure.but not that.

    we moved in the middle of that year.about 40 miles closer to where im from.its considered pretty country here.

    how I wound up all the way out there is a whole separate story lol....but im glad I did,cuz I wouldn't have met my husband,and my kids wouldn't exist.thats how I look at it.

    most of the work we do is in north county.my daughters orthodontist is actually 3 miles exactly from the quik trip the rioters burnt to the ground in the beginning of all this.
    im looking for a closer one.

    my husbands 'home' is about 15 miles from ferguson.so most his closest friends are being effected a bit.
    some have even told him.'im moving to the country'lol...

    so,to answer your question,we live about 40 miles from ferguson.

    and about my mother,she has quit drinking!!had no choice.no drinking in the nursing home shes in.where my lil sister works.her only other daughter.

    shes made life quite miserable for my sister,even thinking on quitting that job.
    our mother is who she is.

    she asks to be snuck booze,but no one will bring her any.
    she sneaks cigarettes every chance she gets.this place has designated times and spots where smoking is allowed.but some things never change.thats not enough for her.has to be sneaky and get herself into trouble.
    I even just heard shes at risk of being put out if she doesn't stop this.

    found out she has COPD,and pneumonia,thats gone now.
    shes also supposed to take a few meds,not sure what exactly,but I know ones Xanax.and she refuses.

    her hopes are to move in with a son of hers,25.and get right back to her old ways.im sure it wont take long til shes kicked out of this place,she'll make sure of that.

    on a positive note,yesterday marked one year sober for my husband!!a whole year!quite an accomplishment.
    when he got up I told him,happy rebirth day!!
    he played it off like he didn't even notice,but he was blushing,he is proud,and he should be.
    heres to another year.....

    my goal for the day is to shampoo the carpet in the house.so that's what im off to do now...

    much love to everyone for your words of wisdom,support,and encouragement.thank you.

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