so its the 13th today.i have a checkup this morning.
last checkup my doctor said he would induce me today if I wanted.he said if I made 37 weeks he was satisfied,but im not technically 37 weeks until Saturday.
I can't believe how much harder on me this pregnancy has been than my other 2.
aside from morning sickness,which ive been extremely lucky to never ever experience,for all 3 pregnancies,this has been the hardest 9 months of my life.
I can't believe how much pain im in,and still alive,lol...my hips feel like they cant even support my body at this point.my feet are throbbing,my boobs are killing me,and my back feels like ive been beaten with a baseball bat,and my entire groin area feels like ive been supporting a bowling ball between my legs.
to think,there was a time where I thought I couldn't function without tramadol due to a simple twisted tendon.what a pussy.
if I can function in this condition without drugs I can tolerate anything.
ive reached a point where even bedtime is causing me great anxiety.i go to lay down and just sit there staring at the bed,debating what position I can actually tolerate long enough to fall asleep.
there is none.
I have 5 thick blankets under my sheet,hoping it will soften the bed enough for me to get comfortable.but it doesn't.
im reduced to laying only on my left side.which feels like one big bruise.
why do we say pregnancy is 9 months anyways.its not.ive been pregnant 9 months already.its actually 10.kind of a mean trick I guess.just a way of making us feel like it wont be so bad.so long.
I am really really hoping that when I get to my doctor today he tells me im starting to dialate,or atleast 50% effaced.but I doubt it.
my other 2 were born 2 days before their due date.
but I was nowhere near this miserable either.
ive been getting those damned Braxton hicks contractions for a week now.its always around 8 pm to.
I went threw the "lightening"stage over the weekend.where the fetus gets down lower and starts getting aligned for delivery.
it took 2 days for her to complete that transition.at one point I felt like she was gonna push right threw my skin.she was sideways trying to turn around.i had a head and feet pushing against each side of my abdomen.we could see it,and where her feet were was a sharp small pain.not fun.
ive been wondering if I were a larger sized woman would this all be killing me so badly.its very obvious she is out of room.
I wish my water would just break.
if it weren't for the previous c section I'd just get induced today.but im terrified of having that happen again.i really don't know if induction increases chances for surgery,my doctor says it doesn't.but I don't trust him.
I feel like everyone,no matter what profession their in,medical,psychiatric,or whatever,is just looking out for their own interest and they really don't care about you.
I can't help it, that's how I feel.
anyway,i am more sober than I can ever recall being.ever.and im not sure if that's a good thing or not.
maybe if I would have a good cheefin out session I wouldn't be in so much pain and I could get a good nights sleep.
but I cant.im too tired.one hit and im ripped.damn it anyways.
gotta get ready to go the doctor now.im feeling very anxious.very.got the bricks on the chest feeling going on.gasping for air.i don't know how much longer I can go on like this.
but,i guess i really don't have a choice. so suck it up and get on with it.
tata for now.