Detoxin momma:things are changing for me. - Part 62

By detoxin momma · Jan 13, 2015 · ·
  1. so its the 13th today.i have a checkup this morning.

    last checkup my doctor said he would induce me today if I wanted.he said if I made 37 weeks he was satisfied,but im not technically 37 weeks until Saturday.

    I can't believe how much harder on me this pregnancy has been than my other 2.
    aside from morning sickness,which ive been extremely lucky to never ever experience,for all 3 pregnancies,this has been the hardest 9 months of my life.

    I can't believe how much pain im in,and still alive, hips feel like they cant even support my body at this feet are throbbing,my boobs are killing me,and my back feels like ive been beaten with a baseball bat,and my entire groin area feels like ive been supporting a bowling ball between my legs.

    to think,there was a time where I thought I couldn't function without tramadol due to a simple twisted tendon.what a pussy.
    if I can function in this condition without drugs I can tolerate anything.

    ive reached a point where even bedtime is causing me great anxiety.i go to lay down and just sit there staring at the bed,debating what position I can actually tolerate long enough to fall asleep.
    there is none.
    I have 5 thick blankets under my sheet,hoping it will soften the bed enough for me to get comfortable.but it doesn't.
    im reduced to laying only on my left side.which feels like one big bruise.

    why do we say pregnancy is 9 months anyways.its not.ive been pregnant 9 months already.its actually 10.kind of a mean trick I guess.just a way of making us feel like it wont be so long.

    I am really really hoping that when I get to my doctor today he tells me im starting to dialate,or atleast 50% effaced.but I doubt it.
    my other 2 were born 2 days before their due date.
    but I was nowhere near this miserable either.

    ive been getting those damned Braxton hicks contractions for a week now.its always around 8 pm to.
    I went threw the "lightening"stage over the weekend.where the fetus gets down lower and starts getting aligned for delivery.

    it took 2 days for her to complete that one point I felt like she was gonna push right threw my skin.she was sideways trying to turn around.i had a head and feet pushing against each side of my abdomen.we could see it,and where her feet were was a sharp small pain.not fun.

    ive been wondering if I were a larger sized woman would this all be killing me so badly.its very obvious she is out of room.
    I wish my water would just break.

    if it weren't for the previous c section I'd just get induced today.but im terrified of having that happen again.i really don't know if induction increases chances for surgery,my doctor says it doesn't.but I don't trust him.
    I feel like everyone,no matter what profession their in,medical,psychiatric,or whatever,is just looking out for their own interest and they really don't care about you.
    I can't help it, that's how I feel.

    anyway,i am more sober than I can ever recall being.ever.and im not sure if that's a good thing or not.

    maybe if I would have a good cheefin out session I wouldn't be in so much pain and I could get a good nights sleep.
    but I too hit and im ripped.damn it anyways.

    gotta get ready to go the doctor feeling very the bricks on the chest feeling going on.gasping for air.i don't know how much longer I can go on like this.
    but,i guess i really don't have a choice. so suck it up and get on with it.

    tata for now.


  1. Kitts
    Ah Momma I really feel for you. That all sounds so painful.
    I don't suppose you've tried out any of these pregnancy pillow things have you? They're like long pillows that are meant to support you in all the painful places, they're body length. I don't know if it's just a gimmick or whether it would help over these next few days. I know when I've had a back injury trouble the only thing that helped was putting pillows under the sheet, and the mattress too, at one time. I just remembered this old riding accident I had years ago when I read your post. It wasn't as painful as you sound though.

    Your doctor reminds me of my old crazy dr who prescribed anti-psychotics to me after a couple of visits. I remember one of his criteria was rapid speech, flight of ideas. Those pills messed me up for quite a while. The dr I have now is much more reserved in judgment and disagrees with the previous "diagnosis". I don't even take anti-depressants now, and yes I'm a miserable cow and go crazy with pms quite often, but I actually feel saner than I have in years without those pills.

    I really enjoy your writing, DM, you have a gift. Plus I find your stuff about your husband's giving up drinking very inspiring and wise. I read the other day your post about alcohol magnifying and multiplying emotions and it was the smartest thing I'd read in ages. I need to cut alcohol out, every time I do it I feel so much better.

    Hang on in there, my friend. Not long to go now. I'm thinking of you and sending you good vibes and warmest wishes. X
  2. Beenthere2Hippie
    So sorry existence is so damn uncomfortable for you right now. Wish there was something I could do to make you feel a bit better, a bit less alone. And that got me thinking...misery enjoys company. That's true.

    Nothing makes you feel better than to know you are not alone. And you're not, according to the links I've added below. No. The links won't make you tummy less stretched to capacity, it won't make you sleep better, but it will make you feel you are far from alone in your discomfort. And that helps, even if just a little.

    To you from me, with affection,

To make a comment simply sign up and become a member!