Detoxin momma:things are changing for me. - Part 66

By detoxin momma · Jan 22, 2015 · ·
  1. what a learning experience I had yesterday.apparently my insurance pays more attention than I thought.

    I was on the phone for quite awhile trying to find out why all of a sudden tramadol was being denied to me.i did have a prescription for a long time,years,so I didn't get why it was an issue this time.

    the reason was because of the 'risk of convulsions' combined with the fact that I had been prescribed an anti convulsant drug,depakote.

    I explained to the insurance that ive never had a convulsion in my life,and the reason I was prescribed Depakote was for bipolar,and that my psychiatrist gave me that over an anti depressant so I wouldn't be taking something that didn't mix with tramadol.

    make sense?does to me because its the truth.

    but,i was told my insurance had put a lock on the script.
    so I said,fine,im coming to get my prescription back,and taking it to my actual pharmacy.
    I had used a different one simply because I needed groceries to,and I figured I'd save myself a stop.

    when I got the prescription to my pharmacy I told them,my insurance wont pay for this because ive been prescribed an anti convulsant.....and I didn't even have to say anything more.the woman knew exactly where I was going with the conversation.
    im on a first name basis with the people in this pharmacy,so that helped.

    I told her I'd just pay for the tramadol in full,don't run it threw my insurance,and she had it to me in 5 minutes.

    what a relief.i can't recall ever feeling like I actually needed a prescription like I did this time.

    and what a difference one tiny 50 mg tramadol can make in my prescribed one tab every 4 hours,but I really don't need that.just one a day is all I need.

    I got so many things done around the house,without having to stop to sit on the heating felt great.
    if I can continue to use tramadol until I deliver I wont be near as miserable.and that feels great to.

    at my checkup Tuesday I even told my doctor I was starting to reconsider induction.
    he said lets see whats going on with your cervix first.

    after checking me he said what we can do is something called thinning the membrane.he would use just his fingers and tear a layer of membrane off,and I would go into labor nomore than 5 days after doing that.

    but now that I know what a difference a little tramadol can make in my day,i don't think im even going to do that.

    theres a part of me that feels scared to even get started back on something I was so hooked on,but I feel like I need it more now than I ever did in the past.

    so im trying not to psyche myself out over this and just go with the flow.hard for a person with panic and anxiety issues to do.

    ive even gotten worried over how much ive revealed about myself in this journal.
    I have irrational fears that someone who may actually know me may see this and put it all together.

    so,im going to go threw and remove anything that may be a dead give away any names.

    I realize that's an irrational way of thinking.but maybe its not.its probably panic in action,but I'd rather be safe.

    I'd hate for an employer,or kids teacher even to stumble upon this and think,damn I may know this chic.

    its not fair to my family,they didn't sign up to have their whole lives put out there for anyone to see ya know.

    theres actually even more things ive kept bottled up because I didn't want to"paint the devil on the wall" as my grandma would say.

    so once I deliver and have a healthy child in my arms I will feel ok to be even more revealing.
    just don't wanna put myself in a position where I better knock on wood.

    I haven't read a single thing ive posted previously in this journal.i only look ahead.i know that if I did I'd feel retarded for saying some things,and I want this journal to be an open book.a true look inside a pregnant,addicts mind.

    why?because if im worried about what others may think whats the point.i want this to be real.
    there could be a pregnant chic somewhere looking for comfort,and if im full of shit and sugar coating everything that's a waiste of time and energy.and no one would benefit from that.

    that's the beauty of being im gonna make sure im remaining anonymous,and go threw what ive posted now.only editing names out.


  1. Kitts
    I'm so pleased for you Momma. I was really hoping you'd get the prescription filled ok, and I was a bit pissed off they were stalling you yesterday. Excellent news that you've got it today.

    I think that's a very smart move about changing names, details, etc. It doesn't take a lot to put things together and weird things do happen. I don't think it's an irrational fear or being paranoid. You will have better piece of mind if you don't have that particular worry gnawing at you.

    I'll leave you with a joke that I remembered while writing this post to you;
    "I called our local Paranoia Help-Line today.
    The guy who answered the phone said,"How the fuck did you get this number?!"

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