Detoxin momma:things are changing for me. - Part 69

By detoxin momma · Jan 30, 2015 ·
  1. lol,i hear you sleepynurse.

    hes even been telling me how important it is that we get it on as much as possible now,cuz i probably wont be interested at all with a newborn around.

    ive been really nervous about sex since i found out i was dilated.and since the doctor said he could feel her head.

    hubbys penis is alot bigger than doctors hand,so how could he not be able to reach her to??
    i tell him he better be careful and if he feels anything different than the norm he better back off,lol...

    sex feels wrong at this point,i can't help it.

    plus when he gets that thing near me im like"put that shit away,thats what got me in this situation!"

    anyways,never even had a slight bit of spotting after that cervix strip,so im sure it did nothing to speed things along.

    everyone says how much faster the third child comes,keep hearing stories of how women don't even have time for an epidural because the third comes so fast.

    ive had women tell me since i was dilated and it was my third i wouldnt even last a few days like that.its going on 3 weeks with 1 cm dilated!

    but,the thing is,yes its my third one,but its been 10 years!!

    apparently thats making a difference.

    i cant wait to get my tubes tied,i really can't.
    i can't believe at 32 years old,with a 9&11 year old im sitting here about to pop out another one.i really can't believe it.theres no words for how shocked i am,still.
    it still feels surreal.

    the thought of getting all set up in the hospital bed,getting all those gadgets attached to me is really psyching me out.

    i sit on the couch at times trying to visualize how things are gonna go down and i get so anxious.so nervous.
    then i tell myself to stop thinking so much and just let nature takes its course.

    the thought of getting the epidural seems to scare me the most.i almost watched a video of a lady getting one yesterday,but then i knew that wasnt a good idea so i didnt.

    ugghh,stop thinking about it.

    8 days til due date.she hasnt been moving as much as she has been the last few weeks.kinda making me nervous.

    for a while there she was kicking and turning so much laying down just wasnt going to happen,i would literally prop myself in a sitting position on the couch to sleep.

    but now i guess she's wore herself out.

    that or this flexeril has calmed her down,and im not sure if thats a good thing or not.im actually able to stay asleep in 3 hour intervals lately.major improvement compared to last few months.

    im even considering not taking it tonite to see if it makes a difference.its friday so no school alarm clock tomorrow,so if i don't get any sleep it won't be a big deal.

    when i get nervous over how much shes calmed down i think about that muscle relaxer.
    im sure my doctor knows what hes doing and wouldnt give me something harmful,right??

    and ive been wondering if she'll have withdrawal from it,the tramadol to.

    i never consumed anything but nicotine or THC with my last 2,and they definatly didnt have withdrawal,they were peaceful angels.

    so this is a first for me,taking things for pain and sleep.and its definatly been on my mind if that will effect her.i sure hope not.i'd feel pretty damn dumb for making it so long threw with no drugs,just to end up taking them at the very end.

    everything ive read says 'not' to take at the end of pregnancy.so i feel kinda leary of these 2 pills.i sure hope i dont regret it.

    ive also read about how normal it is for a pregnant woman to worry excessively about the fetus,so when i start worrying that statement comes to mind and i brush those thoughts away.

    last night as i laid in bed,it was 2 am and i'd just got up to pee,and she wasnt kickin me like she had in the past at that hour.
    so i started having visions of the cord being wrapped around her neck and she was suffocating!

    i literally started shaking my belly around with my hands until i felt her move.i even started to panic for a second.kinda panicking right now...

    can she even suffocate from that?its not like she's breathing air,so even if it was around her neck would it hurt her?people deliver babies with cords around their necks and their fine all the time,right?

    i guess this worry is probably normal.

    ive got xanax and klonopin and hydroxyzine in the house that i havent touched in months.and here lately ive been feeling like i need those now more than i ever have,but i don't take any.

    my step sisters 4th child has something called kawasaki's disease.its something that effects the heart.
    and she believes its because her doctor allowed her to take xanax during her pregnancy.

    the poor thing wound up in the hospital with 105 degree fever,when she was 4 years old,acting like she was possesed,for a week before the doctors discovered thats what she had.all the arteries around her heart were twice the size they should be.

    and my sister was told her daughter could never be an athlete or cheerleader or anything vigorous because of this disease.

    so everytime i think about taking something for anxiety i think of that,and i don't.

    anyways,hopefully all these worries are purely natural for someone about to deliver.having panic and anxiety disorder sure doesnt help.but im stable enough to know im just psyching myself out.

    i was sure hoping to be one of the lucky ones that deliver right after the cervix strip,but no.

    im even thinking ahead to my tuesday checkup.i don't wanna make it that far even!
    if i do im not letting him strip again.whats the point,she can't stay in here forever.and that will be just 4 days before due date.

    if i go past that date im gonna piss myself...literally probably,lol....

    my other 2 had the exact same due date,same exact birthdate.one in the 11am hour,the other in the 11pm hour.born 2 days before due date.

    i will never forget being about to pop, and getting ready for a huge 2nd birthday party for my daughter, and i go into labor.contractions back to back,running to the bathroom expelling every ounce of every fluid inside me,for several hours before i finally gave in and went to the hospital.

    thinking,its my daughters birthday!this can't be happening today.365 days in a year and im having him on her birthday.happy birthdays big sis...

    and it all happened like that completely naturally.it was meant to be that way,thats all there is to it.

    so,this one will come when she comes.nothing i am doing is gonna change that,obviously.

    another thing i find interesting,i mentioned being fascinated by astrology,my actual family,no steps or halfs considered,consists of my father and mother,and my brother and i.

    my father and brother have the same birthday,my brother was born on my fathers 31st birthday.
    june 11.

    my mother august 11
    me september 11...thats right 9-11 is my birthdate.wasnt a bad day until that trade center bombings happened.

    so we all were born on the 11th of the month....coincidence?maybe.

    i find it interesting.

    thats a main reason ive not gotten induced.and even if i end up a week past my due date im not doing it.
    things happen when there supposed to,its not up to me.period.thats how i feel about it.

    no matter how many times my husband tells me im faking it,theres no baby in here i just swallowed a turtle,lmao....

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