Aahhh, yes, JD, there is definitely a dark side to all of this, a very dark side. I haven't reached that part yet or what happened after she died. I wasn't sure if I was even going to write it, but perhaps I will. I have several journals she wrote which give me a small glimpse into her thoughts. I have also asked people she was close with to write their perspective on her.
Your story, JD, the one with your grandfather, was a betrayal beyond words. I can understand your anger at your mother, which was already a complex relationship to begin with. Why did your mother not protect you? It is interesting that you had very controlling parents, and yet they didn't control your grandfathers access to you? Why?
I am beginning to understand where you are right now quite a bit better. I have several questions which I will hold back on until you are ready to answer them. They cut right to the core, meaning, that they are going to be emotionally painful and difficult questions. Just as your question to me a while back cut through the crap and right to the core. (Which I still haven't answered. I have not forgotten it and fully intend to answer it, I'm getting there, lol! ).
Let me know when you are ready. Timing is important in this journey. We have to be ready to listen to our answers. Interestingly enough they only involve your attacks in relation to your current relationships, physical beauty, and underlying motivations. When revealing ourselves we often start with the stories that play a supporting role, but are not typically the main event. I have a feeling neither of us have truly delved into that yet. Sarcastically, happy days await!
I am off to put the turkey in the oven!
lostlygirl added 23 Minutes and 16 Seconds later...
JD, I realize you posted the story of your grandfather to point out that there are events in our parents life we often have no idea about.
I have a feeling there may be walls around you and that you let very few people in (and then not even close to all the way), and only for a short time. Have you ever let anyone in all the way? How far have you let your counselors in?
I am asking because I love you, my friend, and I apologize if the question/observation is incorrect, as it very well could be.