Detoxing - Fentanyl with hell, my life. - Part 3

By lostlygirl · Nov 11, 2014 · ·
  1. Wow. I made it to day 4!!! I really can't believe it because I NEVER thought I would be able to make it to day 4 with only Loperamide. Surprisingly enough it has been holding the physical withdrawals really well. So far I have only taken 50 mg (25 pills) and it's looking like this will hold me through 6:00 pm. If can maintain a drop of 5 pills a day I will be really happy.

    Jungledog, dating_meth & Jonbenet mom, I cried when I read your posts (what is it about withdrawals that turn me into a blubbering mess?!). When it got really tough in the middle of the night I read all your post's over and over. Drug abuse is just not something I can discuss with anyone without repercussions, not only for myself but also for my kids.

    Dating _Meth, OMG! I can't imagine being put into that situation, wow. It kinda scares me that you had a heart attack from the withdrawals, although I am honestly not surprised. There is no way I would've gotten this far without loperamide.

    JonBenetMom, I was put on tramadol for a week when I couldn't take ibuprofen due to minor surgery. It really made me loopy, which is surprising considering the dose of fentanyl I was on. How long did it take you to taper? I do agree it's a good idea to get antidepressants for a few months.

    JD, I relate to everything you said. Is kratom something that can be used for pain control? Last night was the first night my pain was really out of control. I suspect thats due to withdrawals more than anything else. If I was going to be completely honest with myself my pain is out of control about 5-7 days of the month. It's annoying about 10 days, and bearable the rest of the time. It's a lot worse in the winter, and in the summer I could probably get away with almost nothing. I do know that at times it's a very convenient truth and an easy way to keep taking drugs. It helps my emotional pain far more than my physical pain.

    I am really interested in getting healthy and finding other options for managing my pain. I usually eat pretty well, but for some reason I really crave sugar and fats right now. I am trying to steer clear and eat a lot of fruits & veggies, even though it's the LAST thing I feel like eating. I am also trying to keep moving. Ugh. I don't want to do any of it, i just want to crawl into bed and sleep the next 2 weeks away.

    You are SO RIGHT about big Pharm. They are not looking for any cures, only maintenance treatments. If I wanted to I could get fentanyl for the rest of my life. That is considered a completely acceptable "treatment" option. My other options? Any other drug I want. What about a cure? Yeah...not in anyone's lifetime, because thats not good for the fucking bottom line.

    Loperamide completely erases almost ALL of my physical withdrawal symptoms (thank goodness, because otherwise I don't know if I could do this). That tells me that for at least fentanyl Big Pharm has a completely viable option to help withdrawals thats currently not considered addictive or a narcotic. Its considered safe enough to be a fucking over the counter medication. It's been widely touted in helping opiate withdrawals and yet there are NO clinically controlled studies on it????? Big Pharm has a lot to loose in the discovery of a common over the counter medication that could potentially erase most physical opiate withdrawal symptoms. Add Kratom to that list and it would be their worst fucking nightmare. (Having said that PLEASE do not ignore the warnings about Loperamide causing heart problems at high doses. Fentanyl is KNOWN to do the same, and as Loperamide it is a derivative of Fentanyl it would be wise to take this very seriously).

    I am Australian but I am currently living in the US. I moved here in my 20's for college. My family is back home. I live in the intermountain west and getting my prescriptions filled is a nightmare. The other month I was told by the pharmacy that I had to wait 30 days from the day I picked up my medication, not the day it was filledwhich was 4 days after the Dr had approved it. It was bloody ridiculous and completely unnecessary. Im just so ready to be done with all of this. I'm sick of all of it.

    I am kinda afraid I am just putting off withdrawals with loperamide. I have to start tapering tomorrow and I'm really worried. I am worried I am just going to switch a fentanyl addiction with a loperamide addiction. I am also going to have to visit that place in my head where I shove stuff. The place I never visit. I'm just going to have to take a deep breath and just go in there. Shit. Im not looking forward to it because it holds all the reasons I love fentanyl. Im just going to somehow get up the courage to take out one item at a time and just deal with it. I have no other option if I want to stay clean.

    Im beginning to not feel good. I am achy and feverish all over and I am starting to feel like crap. I don't know if I should take another dose of loperamide now or wait until it gets really bad. I am going to try and wait 90 min (3600 seconds), and push my 6:00 pm dose to 7:30 pm. The good news is that this 24 hour period is over in 20 min and I have survived on 50 mg of Loperamide. Heres to one day less of withdrawal hell. Fuck, I HATE this.


  1. Jungledog

    Go you, my friend! Kicking ass!!!! Woo hoo!!!!! Even Fentanyl withdrawal should peak by day 4-5 so this is when you want to cut down. I cut 22 pills one day and did fine. I am not saying that to scare you. I am saying it so you know it is best to cut quickly if possible from Loperamide. Get the dose below 18 pills. Your heart will thank you and I will stop worrying. If I was talking to you as a patient, I would point out that you were already abusing high dose fentanyl which put you at significant cardiac risk. As you get below 18 pills, that risk should fall. Get below 10 and you will be stepping off the ride. I still recommend you get some kratom if legal in your state. It's safer and once your tolerance drops, it DOES hold you.

    Now as a friend I want to tell you that you have your head in the right place. You can articulate exactly what makes you use. Yep, it is hard to sort it out and throw pain on top and it gets harder. I KNOW I was using my meds to get through a rough spot in my marriage. Do I have pain? Yes. Do it require narcotics? Yes, probably 10 days per month. The rest of the time I could get by with other methods (ice, heat, capsaicin cream, acupuncture, 800mg ibuprofen). I am so over trying to get my prescriptions filled. In my state they don't even have the drugs. I would have my legal prescription and would have to wait a WEEK for a delivery. Even when I was taking the shit as prescribed, I ran out and went into withdrawal because of this. I can't even count how many times I have had to wade through those 2-7 days of waiting for the refill. That is how I discovered kratom.

    Kratom does help a bit with pain. Everything I read said to buy Bali kratom for pain but honestly the one that works for me is Maeng da. It does though sit on the mu receptors so it is addictive. I get NO high from it. I think perhaps those who do have much lower tolerances but it does relieve pain and withdrawal symptoms. My thoughts are a kratom addiction is way better than a fentanyl addiction.

    You are in a unique position of coming off one drug using basically a mutated version of the same drug. Do you see the risk? The drug is lipophilic, meaning it stores in fat and builds up. You have been taking it for awhile and now the loperamide too. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND why you are doing this...just taper steeply if possible and jump to kratom/gabapentin/clonidine. I care about you and think you are so going to do this. Do you see how cool it is to tell Big Pharm to go jump in a lake??? We are doing it my friend...we are doing it!!!

    Very proud. Keep swimming. Hugs, JD
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