Detoxing - Fentanyl with hell, my life. - Part 33

By lostlygirl · Dec 4, 2014 · ·
  1. I am at day 3 of withdrawals which are usually the worst for me, and sure enough I woke up with that credit creepy crawly, tingly, electric shock feeling withdrawals give you. I took 20mg (10 pills) Loperamide that I am currently waiting to kick in.

    Withdrawals this time around have been super mild, for some really odd reason. I wonder if it has something to do with my attitude? This is the first time I have gone into it thinking "O' well, no big deal....I've gone through this a bunch of times and its really not so bad. I've got through it before, I'll get through it again, no big deal." My focus has been more on my day, and less on fact, I haven't really spent much time thinking about it at all and its been unbelievably mild.

    Of course, for those that are withdrawing from fentanyl there really is the perfect drug. As JD says, I really am in the unique position of withdrawing from a drug using basically a mutated version of the same drug. As waking up this morning in withdrawals tells me, I would be well and truly FUCKED without it. For those withdrawing from Fentanyl I cannot recommend Loperamide high enough. Its a godsend. Just be sure to read the whole journal because there are some serious risks involved that have been discussed.

    I am debating whether to go down to the college that I used to work at today to see if they have any classes to teach. I have to go either this week or Monday of next if I want any classes. By now they would have already offered classes to their full-time/adjunct staff and would have received their reply. Thus, right now is when they would be looking for teachers for any classes they have left over. Ugh...I don't want to go. I walked out on them mid-semester, and you don't do that if you want to stay teaching. I am going back there because I promised them I would let them know first if I ever decided to teach again. I also need to know what type of reference I can get (meaning... how pissed are they that I walked out on 7 classes???? But still, they were NOT paying me enough. They were working me OVER a full-time class load but paying me adjunct wages. After my expenses it was actually costing me $1.47 a day to teach!!!!)

    I need to work, thanks to my ex loosing a very, very, very good job. Grrrr. I was very much enjoying taking care of my kids. I have started painting again, and am working on my third instructional book.

    Luckly, I was/am very successful and have my art in every major department store (Target, WalMart, Sams, kohls, Walgreens, home depo, Lowes, hobby lobby, to name a few) I am an illustrator who works in the gifts & decorative accessories market. I paint the pictures that go on mugs, gift wraps, fabrics, greeting cards, blankets, flags, jigsaw puzzle's etc (I even have a soft toy, lol!). I paint the cute snowmen, Santa's, angels, rabits, etc. I have over 30 Christmas wraps at WalMart alone. I don't sell to WalMart per se, I sell the rights to use my pictures to manufacturers (licensing) who then sell their products to walmart/target/home depo/hobby lobby etc...

    Anyway, at least working for me means staying home and painting whilst listening to music. Its pretty fun. However I need the college job right now because it takes time to get new products in stores, therefore it takes time to increase my income from art. I still make some money on the existing products I have, but in order to make great money I always need to be creating new art. I haven't created any new art since 2006 when I decided I just wanted to stay home with my kids, I've just been licensing out my old stuff.

    Well...I think if the loperamide starts working I will rip off the bandaide and just go down to the college. Shit...I dont want too! Ugh. I guess the worst thing they can do is say no.......!


  1. Werecat
    Hi Lostly, just read your first post and some others (lots of journals are overwhelming and I will read more when I can). Fentanyl sounds like a horrific drug to come off. Also that creepy crawly feeling is horrible I agree. Maybe mine wasn't so bad but I had to keep doing gentle exercises, or taking a shower, or rubbing my joints to get rid of them.

    Also I think it's great you have artistic ability that you can sell. Something I wish I could do.

    I'm here cheering from the sidelines.

    Werecat added 11 Minutes and 57 Seconds later...

    Smoothies! I love avocados too and I like putting them into smoothies. Or maybe a chocolate pudding that has avocado in it? I've seen a few recipes sites with this. I know this was written sometime ago but you've got me going here.

    I think I might just have to make an avocado smoothie myself this weekend.
  2. supermono
    Keep going Lostly. You can do this. I wish I was so articulate as you but I cant even spell properly. I really hope you get what you are looking for. Sometimes I find it so very difficult to know what to say. How I can support others with words even though I had a very expensive education until I was 15 and then they asked me to leave.
    So I said thanks a lot and left. Pissed my folks off but hey they sent me to that fekin place. Maybe thats where it went "WRONG"

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Peace Mono
  3. marathonmel7
    Hey Lostly, just wanted to lend my hand in support. I am on my third day detoxing from heroin. Cold turkey for me is the best way to go because I like to just get it over with. I don't like prolonging the hell. Have you ever tried using suboxone to ween yourself off of opiates? It works pretty well if you do it the right way. Just a suggestion. I suppose lopermide works just as well but I've never tried that route.

    I'm tired, I've been up for two days and very sick. I'm starting to feel better today luckily. I say just hang in there and fight this cold turkey. You are already halfway there.

    Good luck to you. I will try and keep up on your thread a little bit better. You have my support. You can do this!
  4. smith9666

    I can see how it could be uncomfortable to go back to the college that you quit at but you sound like someone that did a great job while there. If they thought highly of you chances are they understand that there was a reason you did it. Plus, like you said, the worse that can happen is they say no and you will know your options.

    I can understand your reluctance. How many classes do you plan on taking on? Do you think this will hurt your progress on tapering?
  5. Jungledog

    Hope the detox is going well. I have had a rough couple of days so I haven't been checking too well on everyone. Sorry for that.

    As for having to earn money in the middle of this hell, I totally understand. I have worked full-time plus since I was 17 years old. I worked nights for a long time so that I could be home with my small kids during the day. I didn't sleep much. This has contributed to some of my current sleep issues. We all have to do what we have to do. And yes, it sucks. It's harder still when we feel forced to work...I have no fucking choice but to work 2 jobs (partly because my chosen specialty requires it but mostly because my family likes to eat.)

    Nothing to do but get through all of it. Care for yourself as best you can.
  6. lostlygirl
    Thank you all for your kind support. Day 4 of withdrawals brought complete and total brain mush...I can barely form a cohesive sentence.I just wanted to say that I am keeping up on everyone's posts on your threads & journals, even though I am too brain fucked to post any support to anyone today. You are all still in my thoughts and I am cheering you all from the sidelines. Love to you all.
  7. Werecat
    No problem Lostly.

    Hope you feel better day 5.
  8. smith9666

    How is it going??? I know its been a rough last 4-5 days. What are you taking dosage wise? I feel so out of touch with you lately, not sure why LOL. I know you haven't been writing lately due to how you have felt but I know you are reading.

    Write back even if you don't make sense. I can understand everything that comes out of my 3 year old nieces mouth, I'm sure I can make sense of what you are saying ;)
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