I don't know what the FUCK is up today, but I woke up at 5:30 am with the worst withdrawal I have experienced this far. Nothing is budging this. I have taken 70 mg Loperamide (35 pills) since 5:30 am and have only had 30 min of relief. I don't dare take anymore. I just took 2 tramadol my friend gave me (for a bad withdrawal day). I don't know what the hell is happening, or why I am having such extreme withdrawals on day 9!!! JD, what's going on? Why am I getting such a delayed response? Why isn't the Loperamide helping? This is the most I have taken since day 2.
I am restless, I can't stop moving, my arms, legs, hands, feet, head, and back. I have electric zapping sensations that are so bloody annoying, I feel like puking, I am hungry ALL THE TIME (does anyone else get that?), insane anxiety, intense cravings (fentanyl sounds soooo good right now) and ugh, this SUCKS.
Granted, it's not as bad as it could be, but shit, this isn't regular tapering withdrawal crap, this is bordering on full fledged cold turkey crap. It started yesterday. I hope I don't have days of this. Bloody hell, if this lasts longer than a few days, then I am going to pick up my prescription on the 17th, I am going to have to go back to tapering the fentanyl and giving the patches to a friend. I don't trust Loperamide at these doses, and yesterday my heart was jumping all around (it only lasted a few minutes, but it scared the crap out of me, JD, can withdrawals do that? My heart has done this before, quite regularly when I was on 200/mcg hr fentanyl, which was why I was put on a 24 hr monitor yrs ago. Of course my heart did not jump around when I was on it, why is that????!!!) My heart stopped jumping around once I dropped to around 100 mcg/hr. I did not know at the time that Fentanyl can cause that. Ugh. I hate this shit.
Shit, I hate this. I am just going to have to control the fentanyl, Loperamide is scaring me now. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And, it's not helping with withdrawals at the moment, and there is no way in hell I am taking anymore today.
I honestly and truthfully wished I knew what I was getting into when I started taking fentanyl all those years ago. I was just all opiate happy like a bloody idiot, living in fucking opiate happy la la land without realizing the only way out is fucking opiate HELL. And, fucking opiate hell is so so so much worse than the best opiate high.
lostlygirl added 134 Minutes and 5 Seconds later...
I am finally feeling a bit better, the Tramadol helped. My legs are still restless, but all the other symptoms have died down, thank goodness.
Werecat, yes the tow driver was funny! He texted me and asked asked if I wanted to be a part of the frequent flier lunch program, lol!
Mono, luckily it was only the starter that had gone bad. It had gone out about a year ago, so the part was still under warranty and the repair didn't cost anything. I do also have additional problems from an accident I had last year when a 16 yr old ran into me, but her insurance will take care of that, and I will pay for a few additional minor repairs. My car will be in the shop for a week but the insurance company will pay for a rental.
JD, yes, I am really, really excited to start my degree. It's the right time and everything is falling into place. I love both teaching and practicing, therefore this will give me the benefits of both. I would love to find a college that just waiting for someone to grow a program. That would be ideal. Girl, we need to talk!! The hag had been bothering me a lot as well, I wanna slap that bitch down..... but, shit, she's persistent!
Thank you, everyone for your support, it makes all of this so much easier. We will get through this, there will be better days. On the bright side, the kittens are getting playful, and their little personality's are beginning to show.