Thank you so much for your great words of encouragement. They mean so much to me. Sorry I haven't been posting quite as much, the holidays are always really busy for me. I usually reply to other peoples threads first, and after replying this last week I run out of time to post on my own. Today I figured I had better do the opposite and write here first. It's beginning to slow back down for me, and will get back to normal when the kids go back to school on Tuesday.
Kitts: Aww, thanks. Your posts are always so positive and kind. It means a lot to me. I think we are always so much harder on ourselves than we need to be, I know I am. Thank you. (Think of that smiley face as a big, beaming, silliest silly face ever!)
Mono, Smith, Mel & JD: You guy's are my hero's! Whenever things get tough I think about both of you and you help keep me strong. Your love, wisdom, and support really help me. Smith, your PM's keep me on the straight and narrow! Thank you.
Lady Vicodin: Thanks for such a great and knowledgeable post, it's very much appreciated. I had never heard of COQ-10. I did a quick google search and am planning on buying some today. I do think it will be something that is beneficial and thanks for the info. I don't think my heart beats correctly all the time and it had me a little concerned, I think the rhythm is slightly off.
All in all it hasn't been a bad holiday season. Testosterone Replacement Therapy had worked wonders for me. I have done more in the last week than I have in months. Getting my hormone levels up to the correct dose was the smartest decision I have made for myself. I had no idea how much of a difference it makes. I have been on testosterone for about 10 days. I first noticed an improvement a few days later, although I now wonder if that wasn't a little bit of a placebo effect? It typically isn't supposed to work so fast, although my levels were so depleted that perhaps it did. My energy, outlook, mood, and social interaction have all significantly improved daily. Each day has been a little better than the last.
(I am typing this on my phone and it looked like my phone was going to die. Being the smart girl I am (hahaha) I decided to post this before I lost it all to the phone demons that love messing with our posts. The post is not complete and I am finishing it now, and will post the rest shortly..... )
lostlygirl added 43 Minutes and 51 Seconds later...
Interestingly and curiously, the change in energy really messed with my head. I didn't know what to do with all of the energy and the temptation to abuse the patches was through the roof. By Friday it was more than I could stand, and I drove my patches over to my friends house. Its a little inconvenient but its much better than having them around. I need to get to the point where I just hate the stuff, but I am not quite there yet.
There are a few things that are keeping me stuck. Energy levels and a general overall feeling of unwellness is one of those, although I feel as if I am addressing that through getting my hormone levels where they should be. I also need to get back into walking regularly and making sure I am eating well. My body is less forgiving at this age and its not going to keep taking the abuse I have been dolling out. My goal for 2015 is to get physically healthy.
Another thing that's keeping me stuck is the guy that I am seeing. Somehow I have convinced myself that he's the perfect guy for me and that we have some kind of strong, amazing connection. In reality he just doesn't give a shit. Our ability for self deception is vast (my ability for self deception is vast). But, here's the thing. I love him and it will break my heart to let him go, but I don't think I have any other choice. I've tried everything I can and nothing has worked. Its time to let go. Its time to love myself instead.
lostlygirl added 40 Minutes and 49 Seconds later...
Mel: Somehow I missed your post. 30 days sober is AWESOME!! That's so crazy great, you are the BOMB, girl!! I know it hasn't been easy for you, you determination is an inspiration to EVERYONE on DF! I am so proud of you!