Hello Kitts! I appreciate all the help and care you bestow upon those who comes here! Thank you!! Your work is appreciated and noticed.
Thank you for checking in on me!
I've only told the two people closest to me, that would be my boyfriend and my closest female friend. Then my boyfriend has told a few people but that doesn't count as beneficial to me. He doesn't understand addiction and we are having challenges in the relationship right now. My friend is supportive, but there is not much she can do. They are both living out of state btw. I can not detox around my boyfriend, I get too sensitive and we end up arguing and he is pretty harsh. Also, I can easier get oxys there.
Anyway, I ended up taking some vicodin this morning and percs this afternoon. It didn't make me feel much better but at least I am getting some things done after almost a month of being too drained to do anything.
I will have to quit again though, hopefully this will not reset me to day one again. I'm feeling very uninspired. I felt a bit guilty towards myself for taking them, but in the big scheme of things I don't think it's the end of the world. I've barely kept my head above water all month and with it getting progressively worse without me having tools to fix it.
Oh well, will re-set tomorrow and try again, maybe.
Greenlight added 55 Minutes and 56 Seconds later...
For me, the worst part is not the depression or sleeplessness. Although it's difficult to deal with. I also have been smiling a lot more and my sex drive came back briefly. But instead of keeping feeling better, I've been progressively feeling worse and worse. The main problems are that I am completely depleted of energy and I have an extreme brain fog, rendering me unable to complete the most basic tasks. Sensory overload. I have been diagnosed with severe PTSD and general anxiety disorder in the past, and I've been mostly hanging out alone as that is when I am the most relaxed.
My biggest challenge right now is that I am self employed, and I have not been able to function well enough to work. At all. I also ran into some major difficulties with technical stuff that I have been unable to deal with. I have no money for food or rent due to this. Rent is due in 4 days.
I've been doing everything right as far as diet, meditation, exercise etc until running out of funds.
I don't want to go back on the opiates, but I am having such a hard time functioning and I don't have any external support. My boyfriend makes good money, but he doesn't understand what I am going through and we are having other challenges in the relationship so he is able to be that helpful.
I feel so stuck and alone right now.