So figured this probably deserved it's own thread. For the past month now I've been in a really bad state of mind. I had unexpectedly lost my old job because they wanted to force more work for less pay, which I refused. Then on New Years Eve I had a very bad experience going to a city far away and getting horribly horribly sick, and because of that I couldn't drive us home so we had to sit in the car all night. I honestly probably should have gone to the hospital but I've been that way before and knew I could just fight it, I randomly get sick like that sometimes. Then two days after that incident I took some ketamine and had a trip where I "talked with god" and he told me, in rougher terms, that I needed to figure my shit out or bad consequences would happen.
Well ever since that ketamine experience, life has been shit. First off the experience itself seemed very traumatic, it was so intense that by the time it was over I felt ABSOLUTELY exhausted. Like it felt like I had been in a fight with 10 big dudes and got my ass whooped, and my neck felt very sore and had a horrible headache. The days after I had a renewed sense on life but still felt like shit in some ways, and as time wore on and the sense of renewment wore off, I was just left feeling like shit. About a week ago I didn't get a job I was really looking forward to, and since that point I've been a mess and couldn't get myself out of the funk. Nothing seemed to be working, meditating, hanging with friends, working out, eating well, etc. Just trying to stay healthy, body and mind, but it wasn't enough. And yesterday I kind of lost it and almost got into a fight with a relative over nothing.
I had been thinking about smoking a tiny bit of DMT for the anti-depressant type effect for some time now, because I remember last winter having similar depressed attitude and it had helped then too. So I grabbed a little DMT that had a heavy amount of NMT still in it (not too much but more than most people would like for breaking through). The DMT/NMT mix is perfect by the way for this as its so relaxed, you don't want to really trip out hard when in a bad state of mind.
The trip itself wasn't note worthy at all, I only smoked about 15-20mg total and in two separate hits spaced about 5 minutes apart. The effect was probably on par with cannabis, with obviously slight visuals like patterns and CEV's. The note worthy part is the way I woke up this morning, I haven't felt this good in a very very long time. Definitely been a few months...
For those that know just how crushing a deep depression can be, and how hopeless it can feel. It's absolutely amazing to wake up feeling like this.
Now I know (and others on here too) that DMT has this effect, I wouldn't have smoked it if I didn't. But the reason I made this thread is to document just how effective it is for treating depression and how long it lasts. I feel like this is the perfect moment to do this because I don't think I've ever been that depressed before so it can better show the changes that are happening. I'll come in every now and then to update how I'm feeling and other thoughts.
Be back, but for now I'm feeling great actually feel like I can get out the house today!! And maybe wash these clothes haha.
EDIT- Today was a very good day, I felt pretty good, actually worked out well and got out of the house to go to not 1, but 2! AA/NA meetings which I need dearly at the moment. Not so much for the program but to be around people that truly care about your well being, it's really refreshing. And to help keep me sober for longer than 1-2 hours, it forces me to wait until after at least. Just to note I've been thinking about going to a meeting for the past 2 years but couldn't get up the nerve, for some reason today felt like the day. I hope to meet some great sober folks and start doing more sober activities to help me get off the suboxone. We'll see how things go though... I'm never totally sure what I want with life anymore.