Thanks for asking I'm so glad you stopped through.
To be completely honest, everything has been going really well considering.. I've actually been able to stop talking with my ex despite her confusing mind games and even though I have some bad days most have been good. I think part of my problem right now is that I don't have anything to focus my attention for another month until I finally leave here and start my dream job. Sitting around all day can get a guy thinking about things he shouldn't.
Diet and new exercise plan have been going great, I've been able to stick with it pretty well. I made some slight adjustments to it but I've been loving how I'm feeling and I can tell my body is adjusted to where if I eat even a little crap food it can almost make me sick. I should admit though that I was pretty good with diet and exercise before I just stepped up even further. Now I do all natural whole foods, organic and free range when possible, and try my hardest to not eat sugar and when I do I opt for dark chocolate. (Went from like 12-13% body fat down to 7.1%.. While gaining some muscle weight. Woohoo haha)
I've smoked it twice since then although I wouldn't say it was out of the same need. One time was because I was at a show and decided to take a small puff and another time was 4-5 nights ago where I actually had a much stronger experience where I saw how my memories of certain events in the past had been changed based on present circumstances, and how over time those things morphed my memories. It's kind of hard to recall now but that was the jist of it.
I'd say if I hadn't of smoked DMT those two times since I'd still be in a similar place mentally. (Although the last experience has helped me hash over some things.) That small puff a month and a half back really did bring me out of a nasty hole. And even though I'm still hurting a bit at times (from the ending of the relationship) I've been able to make alot of positive changes that in the long run will truly make me happy. I'm positive I won't be taking any more psychedelics now for awhile though as I have my favorite festival coming up in 3 months and wanna be fresh haha. That's the great thing about these drugs you can pick em up or put em down at your leisure, I've had times where I hadn't touched DMT in years and didn't feel the need to.
I think the DMT does a few things that helped me. One is the immediate relief of the depression which allows a glimpse of hope and a chance to make a fresh start. The other is it puts you in a mind state for awhile after where your contemplative and you think over things that you may have not given time to think over before. For instance it's shown me the true reasons I do what I do and why I hang onto things like bad relationships that don't work, the biggest factor of my codependency probably coming from the neglect as a child and growing up quicker than I should have. I even remember as a little kid (like 6) having fantasies about running away with my crush and fighting the world together. It's this mindset thats hurt me and I need a chance as an adult to finally feel what its like to ride solo for a minute considering the last time I was single I was in high school.
I know the craziness that has been your life lately and I think you should definitely consider this as a potential option. I'm not the only one to claim that DMT (and other psychedelics) have the ability to help one through the rough patches, but it's not a cure just a more direct route to the end solution.
Here's another thread where a guy lost like you have lost... And his story with DMT. DMT for grief and depression
Please if there is any way I can help further don't hesitate to ask. Although DMT is usually agreed upon to have less of a chance on a freakout experience, it's still possible so keep that in mind. It'd be best to start with the smallest little bit to where you just get a little trippy then see how you feel over the next few days and go from there. Also you may want to wait a bit, since what you have experienced is so traumatic it may be smart to give it some time before you give something like psychedelic therapy a try.
Another thing, not all DMT is created equal, there are alot of other factors that go into how the DMT extract will feel. NMT, beta-carbolines, DMT-oxide, 5-MeO-DMT, and other alkaloids that might alter how it will feel. I won't go into all that obviously but any information you can get about the DMT you obtain would help you out, biggest being what it was extracted from if the dealer knows.
Whatever you decide to do I hope you all the best and I'll be sending every bit of positivity I can muster your way Also I'm curious, what's your experience with MDMA and the likes?
(Sorry for such a long post.. As you can tell this stuff is kind of my passion haha)