DOPE FREEDOM

By rj95 · Feb 21, 2019 · ·
  1. Haven’t checked in on here for a while... figured it was about time. Just over a month clean off heroin. It’s getting easier, better, and I’m reaping the rewards... but some days are harder than others.

    The stress of college is definitely a trigger. When I don’t perform as well as I would like, the negative stream of thoughts attacks me. But I seem to typically find my way out fairly quickly, especially with the help of other people in recovery.

    I only wonder... will I ever NOT miss heroin? When will I stop craving that high? When will I feel ok without that numbing embrace? There have been plenty of times where I considered, “this is how I will die. I’m destined to be a junkie. I’m destined to fail, I can’t fight any longer”...

    But those thoughts fade with time, as long as I keep myself busy and distracted with healthy activities. I have another break coming up, a week with no classes, and nothing but outpatient therapy at a treatment center... I worry about having free time, because the last time I relapsed was over winter break. Having too much time to be stuck in my mind and negative thinking patterns is dangerous.

    Well, at least I understand and appreciate this... I would love to just know that there IS HOPE. Even a glimmer would be nice. Will I be able to do this? Can I live a life dope-free? Will there come a day when I don’t miss that high, the escape, the feelings of artificial bliss? Can I go longer than 2 years without this monster of a drug?
    PastorFuzz, jazzyj9 and Sion like this.

Comments

  1. Sion
    Stay strong mate, you get through it, you will have awesome days again where you wake up knowing that life is sweet and you are awesome!
      rj95, PastorFuzz and jazzyj9 like this.
  2. PastorFuzz
    Howzitgoin?
    I believe all addicts have it within themselves to achieve lasting recovery. A month sans heroin is proof that you've mastered the mechanics of daily non-use of your DOC. A month is a remarkable accomplishment and it will be up and down occasionally, but with continued non-use the cravings and other similar aggravations will diminish gradually over time.

    A month is awesome! No easy task but you did it. Stick to your guns. Strengthen your conscious contact with your recovery and your support system here at DF by writing more entries in your journal.

    Keep up the good work. Keep the faith. Keep your eye on the prize. Best of luck to you and much respect
      rj95 likes this.
  3. JaneDeux
    One month of freedom, well done.

    Plan to stay very busy during your break so you won't be bored and tempted to use. Activities that involve exercise and social interaction would be awesome.

    Cravings should fade over time, but without personal experience, I can't really advise.

    You have what it takes and are well on your way to long term success. Thank you for the update to your journal, we appreciate follow ups.

    I wish you my best, Jane
      rj95 likes this.
  4. Mingo123
    I've decided that I will always miss Heroin/pain killers/Fentanyl patches, but I've decided to miss it like I miss my first lover. Teenagers LOVE to the point of obsession becoming fully enmeshed with the object of their affection. Sex is fabulous and there is something special about The Firsts. So although I am in a happy, healthy marriage and sex is still fabulous - I miss that first love who died tragically in a motor cycle accident. Since he is gone, he can forever be romanticized - unless I also remember the horror of being 15 and pregnant.

    It's like the Heroin-high and having ever felt that good so easily. It is hard not to miss UNLESS I also remember all that bad that comes along with the high. So that's where I try to keep my focus - the reality of awful that comes along with that high. Real life is good and romancing a drug is a dangerous misconception. The high ends up being such a small part of the reality of being an addict.

    Congratulations for being a month off. It does get better - especially if you work at having good people and projects in your life.
      rj95 likes this.
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