I'm back as promised. So I now have two years clean off street drugs and alcohol. Which is a pretty good feeling, I gotta' admit. I also have a few days off of work, which feels pretty freakin' good to be honest. So last night, I went to an AA meeting, and saw a bunch of guys there. They were all very supportive, and congratulatory in regards to my two years. Which felt good. I was also nominated to lead a step one table. I felt like telling them: "Guys, that would be like the blind leading the blind."
But ya' know something? I feel like I do have something to offer. Looking back on it, I have had a pretty productive recovery. I mean, just over two years ago, I was staying at the Salvation Army, because I had no where else to go. Not only that, but I was unemployable. Things were not looking very good. And now, here I am.
2014 has been a topsy-turvy sort of year. A very tough year for me from an emotional standpoint. It's been mostly a year of transition. It seemed like year 1 of my sobriety was basically spent getting used to being sober, and year #2 has been about transitioning into a worth-while life. After all, I don't want to be the same guy just drug and alcohol free. I want to advance! That's the whole point of "recovery" if you ask me. How many times have I seen people at meetings with 30+ years of sobriety, who are still unemployed, still miserable, still not advancing? Too many. I've always sworn to myself, I'd die drunk and high before let that happen to myself.
So how has my life changed for the better in the second year of sobriety? Well for starters, I'm not on welfare. HAHA! I started off year #2 on welfare. Why? Because I got kicked off of unemployment for going to truck driving school 15 hours a week! UNREAL. So, that was a very tough period, no doubt. Thankfully I had a lot of good people around me, helping me out. Also, I didn't just give up because things weren't going my way.
Then, I got my truck driver's license. Which felt good. Afterwards, I got my job. Which was a huge relief. It felt like all my hard work wasn't for not. Driving turned out to be tough. I expected it, but it was a tough transition. Then, I had to move back into my dad's house, and that's when things started going haywire.
It was a huge mistake. I knew I should not have moved back in with my dad. Why? Because my dad and I don't get along, for starters, but also because my dad drinks. And living with someone who drinks when you're a recovering alcoholic, is always going to present problems.
Then there was a myriad of problems with girls who I really just should not have been involved with. Firstly there was the married girl. Who was very good from an emotional standpoint for me. Except...........she was married, and 10 years older than me. Then there was my drug addicted girl friend. Which presented a veritable hurricane of problems. Then, there was ANOTHER girl, who I got along great with, but she had two young children, and that didn't really fly with me.
So I've basically taken a break from the dating scene, and that seems to be the best bet for now.
I've really been working on two major things of late. (The past 3-4 months) Those being:
2)My physical health
And both have been coming a long tremendously. I've paid off all of my debts except one major one, and I am getting absolutely RIPPED. I'm not trying to brag here, but I've been putting in the work BIG TIME in that area. It's really helped me deal with all the emotional trauma I've endured over the course of the last year. I'll say this much: I'm probably one of the more in-shape truck drivers you'll ever come across.
So much so, that girls at the coffee shops at the truck stops can't believe I'm a truck driver! How many times have I been talking to them, and they say to me: "You're a truck driver, really?" And I usually reply something like, "Well if I'm going to be honest, I'm actually a doctor."
So I'm having fun in life these days. A lot of people who knew me before, and know me now, often ask the say question: "What was different about the last time you tried to get sober, versus all the other times?"
And the truth of the matter is, I don't really know myself. I think more than anything, I just said to myself, "Give it a year, and re-evaluate the situation from there." Which is basically what I did. 6-7 months in, I was sold. I always tell the guys who are struggling: "Just tough it out, until you break the mental obsession. Once that happens, it's smooth sailing."
And it's true! I don't even THINK about drinking or doing street drugs, let alone obsess over them. I *DO* however, obsess over other things. Money, girls, family, etc. But at least I'm not waking up in a bed full of piss with a pounding headache. I still have problems, obviously, I just don't deal with them *that* way. And thank GOD for that. Words cannot describe how thankful I am, not to be in that boat anymore.
I see the hopelessness in the other guys at the meetings, and I can identify hugely. You almost get to a point where it's like: "What's the point in even trying? I give up." What a terrible place to be! No matter HOW bad your life is, trust me, it could always be worse. Want an example?
About two weeks ago, I saw a guy who I was in The Salvation Army with, in 2012. He's still on the streets. He was covered in track marks, his face was all irritated from where he had been scratching himself, and he told me he had slept outside the night before. I felt terrible for the guy. So I took him to the coffee shop, and gave him $10. Why? Because I *know* that could just as easily have been me, had I not straightened my shit out. It was a hard dose of humility.
It basically re-affirmed that I had made the right choice. And have made a lot of right choices. I've made some bad ones along the way, too. (I.E. Having an affair with a married woman.) But for the most part, my decision-making has been better than it's ever been. And that's the main thing about being sober or clean. It gives you a clear head. And you simply cannot put a price on that.
So that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.
Hope you're all doing well, and thanks for reading.